Erections

Guy, about Empire State Building: Yeah, and for Valentine's Day they put a heart on it.
Visiting Australian woman: A what? A hard-on?

–Rooftop, Watching 4th of July Fireworks

Overheard by: i saw one of those on a building once…

Girl #1: So, I finally let him give me a massage, and it was totally gross.
Girl #2: Really? Like how?
Girl #1: You know, the usual. He went through the boner cycle, like, three times.

–A train

Overheard by: Dash Riprock

13-year-old skateboarder to friends: Suck my dick!
Friend #1: I like you, you're my friend, and I'll invite you to my birthday party, but I won't suck your dick.
Friend #2: You provoke me with your boner.

–A Train

Overheard by: devon

20-something-guy: Obama condoms, for long and hard times!
Tourist mom: What's an Obama condom?
Tourist dad: I have no idea.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Shannon

Older woman: Mice grow up to be rats. I have mice.
Older guy: No, they don't!
Older woman: Yes they do, mice grow up to be rats.
Older guy: No, they don't! They're different species. They're cousins.
Older woman: No, they aren't!
Older guy: Yes, they are–they're cousins, like rabbits and squirrels.
Older woman: No–mice grow up to be rats!
Older guy: No, they don't! There are even different species of rats. German rats,
Norwegian rats…
Older woman: Okay, let's change the subject–I hate rats.
Older guy: Do you know pigeons have strokes?
Older woman: What?
Older guy: Pigeons have strokes. They don't last long, but they do.
Older woman: Uh…okay.
Older guy: Pigeons learn to fly when they're five weeks old.

–A Train

Boy: Sometimes when I get massages I get super hard and try to think of anything I can to make it go down.
Woman: Baseball?
Boy: Like, the most disgusting, boring, wrong thing I can possibly imagine…
Woman: Baseball?

–Jackson Steak House

Drunk crazy woman (slurring words): Yeah? Well, fuck you!
Drunk crazy dude: Yeah! Well, you haven't given me a boner in four years!
Random passerby: Oh, damn!

–Bedford Ave & 11th

Overheard by: Aria Grillo

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

Guy: How were things with your ex last night?
Girl: You know… He threw up and started crying, so I gave him a hug. He got an erection, threw up two more times and passed out.
Guy: So, same old same old.

–E 51st, b/w 1st & 2nd

College bro: No, you don't understand. Thinking about the processes of government turns me on.
College chick: Really?
College bro: For serious. I think about dick Cheney and I get hard. I would vote for him and give up my right to vote if he could be supreme dictator.

–Hunter College

Overheard by: theclanmacgregor