Girlfriend: It’s just that I give you pristine vagina and you give me used books.
Boyfriend: Your gratitude is staggering.
–D train
Girlfriend: It’s just that I give you pristine vagina and you give me used books.
Boyfriend: Your gratitude is staggering.
–D train
Girl: You’ve been going out with him for two months and only now did you realize he has one testicle.
–Spring & West Broadway
Hetard: What did you do that for?
Shetard: Because I love you.
Hetard: Why do you love me?
Shetard: If I have to answer that again this week, I will shoot myself.
–Port Authority
Girl #1: So I mean, he’s upset about her cheating on him, like crying and shit? Has he talked to her about this? That’s really shitty of her.
Girl #2: You do know they’re not having sex, right?
Girl #1: …How much non-sex are we talking?
–N train
Chick: The problem with reading is that you can’t do it when you’re fucked up.
–31st & 2nd
Woman on cell: I’m so, like, a vegetarian, for real you know? But only, like, on Wednesdays.
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Angela
Guy on cell: Dude did so much K that he turned into Terri Schiavo.
–Union Square
Chick: I know this guy who’s perfect for you…he’s a complete idiot.
–Columbia University
Guy: Wow, I didn’t even know things existed here.
–Port Authority, 2nd Floor
Guy: Well at one point he took off his boots, a while later tried to put them back on. I told him that they were the wrong feet. Then he looked at me and said, “No…these are my feet.”
–Hank’s Saloon, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Kimberly Handle
Hobo #1: 100 years ago, America was full of real men! Real men who carried guns and wouldn’t be afraid to shoot you!…Hey baby, what stop you lookin’ for?
Hobo #2: She don’t like you.
Hobo #1: Yeah she does! I know everything about women! Ya just don’t marry them!
–53rd Street station
Overheard by: Dan
Girl: Are you mad at me?
Guy: No.
Girl: Are you being sarcastic?
Guy: No.
Girl: Now are you being sarcastic?
Guy: No.
Girl: Now are you being sarcastic?
Guy: Well yeah, now.
–B45 bus
Overheard by: Gradie Smith
White guy: Did I tell you I met a White chick?
Girl: No…do you like her?
White guy: She’s cool. She’s from Brooklyn, so that softens the blow.
–Times Square
Boy: You need to get a boyfriend.
Girl: I know boys.
Boy: No, you don’t.
Girl: I hang out with my gay peeps.
Boy: Gay peeps aren’t gonna get you far in life.
–Penn Station
Teen girl: Like, I thought he was Jewish but then he ate a gyro so I dumped him.
Teen boy: That’s rough. Did he have it with that white sauce?
Teen girl: What difference does that make? Shit, you’re dumb.
–F train
Overheard by: Steph Gold
