Crazy lady: I spent two years single, and then I met Jesus. And Jesus and I have been together for four years. And Jesus never forgets to call and check in once in awhile. He says, “Hey, how you doin’?”.
–Sunnyside
Overheard by: Mikey
Guy: He was into wearing slippers without socks. Like Jesus.
–Union Square station
Subway preacher: Jay Z ain’t gonna save ya! Jesus’ll save ya!
–West 4th Street station
Hipster girl: It’s like, OK, we only see each other when we’re drunk, and he doesn’t seem that interested, and we never have a decent conversation, and he might be gay, but on top of everything he’s also a Red Sox fan. He even made fun of Bernie Williams once.
Hipster queer: So that’s really the clincher for you?
Hipster girl: Well, you know, there’s a limit to how many areas where you can be incompatible.
–Metropolitan bar, Williamsburg
Girl: Where are you taking me?
Guy: Home.
Girl: No, seriously?
Guy: Home, you think I’m kidding?
Girl: …seriously?
Guy: We’re going to my place, yeah. Why?
Girl: I just met you.
They both got out of the subway together.
–2 train
Overheard by: charlie moreno
Big booty girl #1: Bubble Boy. I love that movie.
Big booty girl #2: Yeah me, too.
Big booty girl #1: No, I really love that movie.
Big booty girl #2: Yeah, it’s funny.
Big booty girl #1: That used to be my ex-boyfriend and me’s movie…but that’s not why I love it.
–Times Square
Ho: …no, really. Like, I have really been trying to win his trust back. I’ve been doing everything! I even deleted all my ex-boyfriends’ screen names from all my IM accounts, right in front of him! I don’t know what else I could do to make him trust me again…
–Lehman College
Overheard by: Soro
Girl #1: She’s so lucky. I mean, she works for Oscar de la Renta.
Girl #2: Yeah, and she has a clause in her pre-nup that allows her husband to divorce her if her feet become disgusting. I’m jealous.
–Fashion Ave. elevator
Drunk: I want a bag of cocaine…a bag of cocaine and two lesbians.
Girlfriend: You’re not going to get it.
Drunk: Which, the bag of cocaine or the two lesbians?
Girlfriend: Neither.
Drunk: Fuck you!
Girlfriend: What, am I not good enough for you?
–1st Ave. & 5th St.
Overheard by: Alexander Romanovich
Bus driver, to guy entering bus: Sorry, ladies only.
–45th & 5th
Overheard by: Jobee
Tranny: Girl, you gotta keep that penis.
–Midtown
Chick on cell: I like the idea of having a penis.
–Harlem
Overheard by: hott bi luvr
Woman: Unless they’re gay, in which case you should just pretend I said men instead of girls. But it’s all still true.
–47th & 8th
Man on cell: Everyone is asking me if I’m a lesbian this week. What is that about?
–Christopher & Bedford
Overheard by: staso
Woman to co-worker: So he has all girls as daughters.
–225 Broadway, 4th floor
Overheard by: Jennifer
Queer: God, I either need to fuck a boy or a trannie tonight!
–13th & Broadway
Overheard by: liza
Chatty, obnoxious girl #1: My last relationship was a disaster. He just didn't treat me well. He was very disrespectful. How is your man doing?
Chatty, obnoxious girl #2: I don't know. He says he loves me, takes me out all the time, is always calling and paying for everything. He even writes me long romantic notes and spends time with me whenever he can. It's just kind of lame, you know? I just told him I loved him to shut him up.
–E Train
Overheard by: Xander
NYU girl: So, how did your date go with Hank?
NYU girl #2: You know how most girls, when they meet a guy they really like, start thinking about marriage, a picket fence, and having two kids? Well, when I meet a guy I like, I think about how we’ll start dating, he’ll cheat on me, and we’ll break up. Then I’ll have wasted two years of my life.
–NYU Library
