Teen boyfriend: I’ve been watching you.
Teen girlfriend: Ummm…
Teen boyfriend: No, no, don’t worry — not in, like, the creepy ‘I’ve been watching you’-way.
–Central Park
Teen boyfriend: I’ve been watching you.
Teen girlfriend: Ummm…
Teen boyfriend: No, no, don’t worry — not in, like, the creepy ‘I’ve been watching you’-way.
–Central Park
Girl #1: So, Matt* is back with Della*.
Queer: Even though her vagina smells funny?
Girl #2: I need to pee, y’all.
–1 train
Overheard by: Dan
Man #1: I mean, I don’t feel guilty about this.
Man #2: Yeah. Yeah, I know.
Man #1: I put a lot in this relationship.
Man #2: Yeah. Yeah.
Man #1: I took time out from work. Time from the club. Time from my wife and kids.
–Health club locker room
Worried girl: I don't know what to do. I just met her, but she texts me non stop. Once I got off the plane, I had a text from her saying: “how's New York?” I didn't respond. It's weird.
Guy: Does she think you're a dyke?
Worried girl: I don't know. I told her my boyfriend and I broke up. I don't know why she'd think that.
Other girl: You should've responded to her text saying something like: “New York is great, I'm just sucking on some guy's dick right now.”
–Meatpacking District
Asian guy: But seriously, when she’s not crazy, she’s one of the funnest people to hang out with, and she didn’t let me finish last time, so I have a score to settle.
Redhead chick: You are sick. Settle it on someone else’s stomach.
–Union Square
Overheard by: jinhoshow
Chick: Well, our relationship has been kind of weird. I mean, the first time I met him I thought he was dorky, then the second time I met him I thought he was hot. Hot enough to fuck, because I didn’t know about his girlfriend yet. Then the third time I met him I thought he was gay, and that was before I met his crazy girlfriend.
–Soho
Girl: I am so sick of dating these losers. From now on, I won’t go out with any guy unless he has an entry in Wikipedia.
–Masa
Man on cell: No, I don’t want to go with my girlfriend! I want to go with you, because I want to have fun!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Claire H
Man on cell: … So she called me up later, and said, ‘Sorry I was such a cunt.’ That’s when I said to myself, ‘I like this girl.’
–Outside Supreme Court, 360 Adams St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
Girl to boyfriend, arguing: … But I let you have access all my orifices!
–Orchard & Delancey
Overheard by: Rob
Five-year-old boy: I’ve got two girlfriends, but one of them is six and I’m only five, so she’s not my type.
–A train
Overheard by: Neal Mortimer
Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade."
–NJ Transit
Overheard by: Dashing Dan
Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.
–21st St & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: Lezbotron
Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.
–10th & 1st
Overheard by: ED
Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.
–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens
Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.
–50th St & 9th Ave
Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.
–F Train
Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend's Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
–NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
Girl #1: He told me not to worry about his girlfriend. He was like, “You know you’re gonna like it!”
Girl #2: Oh my god, that’s so your type! Like, borderline rapist!
–Bungalow 8, West 27th Street
Overheard by: Katie
20-ish girl: Dammit, why aren’t you coming to my party?
20-ish guy: I told you — I have to go to DC that night with my family.
20-ish girl: How am I going to show off my terribly attractive boyfriend to all my other less-attractive boyfriends if you’re not going to be there?!
–L train
