Guy #1: I think that van has more floor space than our apartment.
Guy #2: My life is going nowhere. Line up, ladies!
–Lexington & 66th
Guy #1: I think that van has more floor space than our apartment.
Guy #2: My life is going nowhere. Line up, ladies!
–Lexington & 66th
Cute girl about upcoming CAT scan: There’s a part of me that’s actually a little excited… or at least interested, because, you know, it’s a new experience.
Friend: It will be an adventure. A medical adventure. Like House!
Girl: Except the doctor won’t be nearly as sexy as Hugh Laurie.
Friend: But he’ll have a better bedside manner.
Girl: It’d be worth the bedside manner if he were that sexy.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show. It gives us unrealistic expectations.
Girl: My mind right now is like 45% fear, 25% excitement, 15% rational thought, you know, that it’s probably not cancer, and the rest is Hugh Laurie and Robert Sean Leonard battling for my affections.
Friend: We’ve gotta stop watching that show.
–L Train
Overheard by: Jonah
Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don't want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!
–17th & Irving
(pedestrians are crossing when they aren't supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: momes
Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain't afraid of no car!
–Jerry Orbach St
Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I'ma getting hit by a car, I'ma getting hit by a nice car.
–Broadway & Houston
Tourist driving car: I don't give a fuck if you own the world! I'm running your ass over!
–Financial District
Overheard by: lex
Young lady yuppie on cell: It is a perfectly normal fear to be afraid of bubbles!
–83rd & Broadway
Overheard by: KS
Yuppie chick holding hands with yuppie boyfriend: Penis, penis, penis, penis.
–Astor Place
Overheard by: sarah
Yuppie chick on cell: The thing about my ex is it’s, like, the story of ‘If you give a mouse a fucking cookie, I mean, eventually he’ll want to climb into bed with you and have you read him a fucking bedtime story.’
–Rector St
Yuppie: Let’s go find my ex-fiance and beat her up.
–46th & 8th
Girl #1: Oh my god, he is *so* hot!
Girl #2: That's a woman!
Girl #1: Oh my god! Does that make me gay? Am I gay?
–Central Park
Chick #1, passing little girl on the street: Did you see that little girl?
Chick #2: What?
Chick #1: She gave me the stink eye! That little four-year-old bitch gave me the stink eye!
Chick #2 (turns around to look at the little girl who’s still staring at them): Holy shit, she’s still looking! That bitch is crazy. Run!
–Union Square
Girl: I had a wonderful childhood. (looks at photos of a child)
Boy: Yeah? I fuckin' had to listen to Tim Curry narrating nursery rhymes… That's terrifying.
–Pier 92
Thuggette: She just went in there to scoop her vagina out and then she came back.
–Hudson River Park
Teenage girl on cell: Yeah, I got a Brazilian wax for the first time yesterday. And now I'm afraid of the power of my own vagina.
–1 Train
Overheard by: westchester girl
Adorable little girl: I was born in 2002, from my mom's vagina.
–New York Harbor
Overheard by: Barry P.
Man to woman: Ohhhh, is she the one with maggots in her vagina?
–51st & 9th
Overheard by: Highstein
Chick on cell: Tell her to put that in her pipe and smoke it. Or even better, in her vagina. (sarcastically) Ooh, penetration!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Poogins
Very large black man: My penis' jus' as impo-tant as her vagina.
Small meek white man: (nods in agreement or fear)
–A Train
Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!
–Brooklyn
Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.
–74th St & Park Ave
Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!
–Union Square
Overheard by: rpk
Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… "Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent."
–St. John’s University, Queens
NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angie
Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: "I programmed my car to sound just like you!"
–89th St & 5th Ave
Preppy blonde: And I would be in the alley, all secret… And then out of nowhere people in the street would hear “Fuck yeah–crack!” coming from the alley, and then the police would come, and I would totally be saying goodbye to my chances at Yale.
Tiny brunette friend: Yeah, totally.
–82nd & York
