Wednesday Hearts One‐Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I’m in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don’t love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49^th & 11^th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine’s Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says “I love you” like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother‐in‐law’s face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell‑o.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn’t fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I’m in love, she’s like the whole package! She’s pretty, she’s fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

Wednesday One‐Liners Say “Toro, Toro, Taxi!”

Little girl to father, about pedestrian sign: But I don’t want to be a pedestrian! I want to be famous!

–17^th & Irving

(pedestrians are crossing when they aren’t supposed to. One almost gets hit by a taxi)
Female traffic cop to taxi driver: Next time, just go ahead and run them over.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: momes

Homeless man directing traffic in middle of street: I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car! I killed 20,000 people, I ain’t afraid of no car!

–Jerry Orbach St

Gangster walking in front of Range Rover: Fuck it, if I’ma getting hit by a car, I’ma getting hit by a nice car.

–Broadway & Houston

Tourist driving car: I don’t give a fuck if you own the world! I’m running your ass over!

–Financial District

Overheard by: lex

Posted on January 27, 2023
About Celebrities, Accidents, All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Beauty, Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Cops, Dads, Fears, Gangstas, Hobos, Insults, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murder, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Soho, Strangers, Street, Tourists, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One‐Liners Like to Think of It As Borrowing

Young boy to another, whispering: I’m gonna knock you off ‚and then I’m gonna steal your M&Ms.

–FAO Schwartz

Overheard by: amused tourist

Cabbie: Something wicked just crossed my mind. One dark night I’m going to come here and steal all the stop signs.

–Roosevelt Island

Overheard by: Suriya

Angry queer suit as a Honda’s car alarm goes off: What the fuck?! What the fuck?! Nobody would ever try to steal that piece of shit!

–72^nd & Broadway

Overheard by: C. Gray

Thug: Look, these glasses are f’real! I bought them off a nigga who had just stolen them from the jewelry store!

–125^th & Broadway

Hipster chick on cell: Why don’t you just stay at a real hotel where you can steal all the soaps and stuff?

–2^nd St, between Bowery & 2^nd Ave

Overheard by: Jake

Little boy to little girl while nanny is distracted: I love outdoor shopping, because it’s easier to steal things!

–11^th & University

Overheard by: Cooper Cheatham

Posted on January 15, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Business and Commerce, Cars and Driving, Junk Food & Fast Food, Kids, Public Transportation, Questions, Shopping, Thievery, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

You Can’t Say the Catholic Church Isn’t Trying

Meathead Yankees fan #1: Hey, did you know I got a tattoo? (shows friend tattoo)
Meathead Yankees fan #2: No, man! When did you get it?
Meathead Yankees fan #1: A while ago. I was actually on my way to Pep Boys, and I stopped in a shop, and came out with a tattoo.

–A Train

Overheard by: Traczie

Posted on December 2, 2022
Cars and Driving, Meatheads, On the Subway, Tattoos

Wednesday One‐Liners Keep It in the Family

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six‐year‐old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76^th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!

–6^th Ave & 13^th St

Overheard by: Wemily

Posted on November 12, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Horny, Infidelity, Kids, Men, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Don’t Ever Dare a New Yorker to Do Anything

Woman: If you don’t stop hitting the fucking brakes like that, I’m gonna throw up all over the back of your cab.
Cab driver: Oh yeah? Go right ahead, lady!

She did.

–Cab, 34^th & Lexington

Overheard by: Her friend, who was also kicked out of the cab

Posted on October 15, 2022
Cabbies, Cars and Driving, Illness, Women

You Read the Post?? Queer!

Guy: No homo, but Derek Jeter has a pretty amazing ass. Probably the best ass in baseball.
Girl in front of him: Oh, it is not at all gay to appreciate Derek Jeter’s ass. The New York Post once said it could stop traffic.

–Yankee Stadium

Posted on October 8, 2022
Ass, Beauty, Cars and Driving, Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Sports, Yankee Stadium

At the Rationalization Quarterfinals

Insurance guy #1: Man, I love this weather!
Insurance guy #2: Yeah, I love global warming… That’s why I drive an SUV. We’re tropical animals, we’re supposed to be in tropical weather!

–25^th St & Madison Ave

Posted on September 21, 2022
Animals & Nature, Cars and Driving, Coworkers, Default, Guys, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Weather

I’ve Never Been More Proud.

Angry 20‐something girl: Dad, you realize that when you refuse to give me the keys to my car that he’s been illegally driving, you are effective enabling him to steal from me!
Confused‐looking dad: Well, I understand how you feel, honey, really I do, but…
Angry 20‐something girl (cutting him off): Don’t fucking placate me, you sonofabitch!
Confused‐looking dad (looking helplessly toward his wife): Cheryl…your daughter is yelling at me using profanity and words I don’t know.

–Bay Ridge, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Krystal

Posted on July 28, 2022
Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, Dads, Families, Family Ties, Girls, Insults, Moms, Thievery

Wednesday One‐Liners. (Allegedly)

Snooty female 30‐something to friend: Pap‐smears are, to me, the new fake eyelashes.

–Upper East Side

Overheard by: ianbobian

Aggressive New Yorker: So he pulls out his fucking fake‐ass parking pass, and I pull out my gun. And I’m like “you still wanna park here, asshole? Go ahead!”

–60^th St & Broadway

Screaming drunk girl to slightly sober guy: If you’re going to be fake to me, at least be fake to my face!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Really!?!?

Girl on cell: Okay, call me when you’re done entertaining the fake Jews.

–Cafe, Church & Walker

Loud woman: No, it was a fake. I’d have to like, sleep with him to get the real one, you know?

–Hester & Mott

Overheard by: Jensel

Posted on July 21, 2022
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Cars and Driving