Yuppie man #1: Hey, John is going to be in town tomorrow night, we’re all going to go out
Yuppie man #2: Oh shit, I can’t go. I’ve got a date tomorrow night.
Yuppie man #1: What? Are you serious? Fuck the date, man.
Yuppie man #2: No, yeah. I know, that’s exactly what I got to do.
–Riviera Cafe and Sports Bar, W. 4th Street
Drunk girl: I need to put on lipstick.
Sober guy: Why?
Drunk girl: Because I have a guy coming to see me…he has hair and is taller than me.
–56th & 9th
Drunk guy: Cleopatra! Let down your hair!
–89th & 2nd
Suit: Can you move a little?
Teen girl: I can’t. My hair’s stuck in the door.
Suit: Oh. That’s a good reason. Okay.
–L train
A black HS girl pushes her way past a white yuppie to get off the train.
Yuppie: Whoa, slow down, Boniva!
Girl: Shut the fuck up, Opie!
–L train
Black guy #1: I got all depressed after I lost my hair.
Black guy #2: You what?
Black guy #1: My hair; I got depressed when I lost it.
Black guy #2: I didn’t know you had a ferret!
Black guy #1: Shit yeah, but halfway through I decided to shave it.
Black guy #2: You shaved a fucking ferret? What the hell you do that for, nigga?
Black guy #1: I just hated losing it, so I shaved it.
Black guy #2: Man, I’m fucked up.
Black guy #1: Me too.
–Union Square Regal Cinemas men’s room
Crazy man: Why do blondes only hang out with other blondes? Why do blondes only hang out with other blonds? Why do blonds only hang out with other blonds?
Chick: Shut up.
Crazy man: Hey Blondie, I wasn’t asking you.
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Thompson Patton
Girl #1: Whoa man, you look totally creepy. Like a creepy molester.
Girl #2: It’s a molestache!
–B-Side, Avenue B
Asian guy: I want to spike my hair.
White guy: So grow out the sides and spike the whole thing.
Asian guy: What do I look like, one of those Dragon Ball Z kids in Chinatown?
–Office, Old Slip
Overheard by: Kevz
Tween girl #1: His hair is sometimes awful, but it’s sometimes so perfect.
Tween girl #2: I think that’s what gay hair is like.
–Prospect Park
Overheard by: emily clinch
Guy: So, I went on this audition, and they asked me, “Can you juggle and ride a unicycle?”. I mean, I can juggle, and I can ride a unicycle, but I can’t do both at once, I’m not a skills clown. Basically, my skill is falling. I can fall really well.
–A train
Overheard by: Berit J.
Girl: Mommy, what’s the opposite of hair?
–86th & Broadway
Overheard by: Stuart Weisberg
Mom: Don’t you know this is the liberry, not the cry-berry?
–The Fordham Library Center
Tween girl: …and the one Winnie the Pooh had a nice body…
–Bryant Park
Overheard by: Jason B. Schmidt
Guy: …if my wife and I spit at the kids, nothing happens…but if a llama does they burst into tears.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: J-Mo
British guy: Can’t be more worse than having a baby every six months.
–116th & Lexington
Boy: Mommy, how many hours are in a mile?
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: BBW
Teen boy #1: Yo, your mustache is done, dude! Look, it’s filled all the way in!
Teen boy #2: Yeah, I know! But my mom’s making me shave it.
–1/9 train
Overheard by: Alex
