Woman: Guess what? I just saw one of the Golden Girls on my way
here.
Hairqueer: Oh really? Which one?
Woman: I don’t know. She was the flirty one on the show. I guess
she was the prettiest one…
Hairqueer: Oh, Rue McClanahan! I’ve done her hair.
–Hair Salon, 47th & Lexington
Asian guy: I want to spike my hair.
White guy: So grow out the sides and spike the whole thing.
Asian guy: What do I look like, one of those Dragon Ball Z kids in Chinatown?
–Office, Old Slip
Overheard by: Kevz
Girl: Hi, I’d like a medium iced coffee with lots of ice, skim milk and Equal, please.
Cashier chick: What kind of ice?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station
Overheard by: devila
Food cart man: Would like some chicken, miss?
Random crazy lady: Yes, I’ll have some Gatorade.
–53rd & 6th
Overheard by: Kathy I.
Guy: Hey, can I get some cigarettes?
The newsstand man just rocks back and forth mumbling something.
Guy: Excuse me, can I get some cigarettes?!
Newsstand man: …Yes, sir. Cigarettes. Sorry, I was praying.
Guy: Oh. I thought you were masturbating.
–Times Square newsstand
Woman: Hi.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Hi.
Cashier lady: Oh.
The cashier finishes checking the lady out.
Lady: Thanks.
Cashier lady: Huh?
Lady: Never mind.
–Fine Fare, Clinton Street
Overheard by: Heather
Lady: I’m looking for non-leather shoes.
Saleswoman: Why non-leather?
Lady: I’m vegan. I don’t wear any animal products.
Saleswoman: Well, they don’t kill the cows to get the leather.
Lady: Where do you think they get the leather from? Do you think there’s a bunch of skinless cows roaming a farm somewhere?
–Forest Hills shoe store
Overheard by: MG
Store guy: I don’t get it. If I lost my kid for 5 minutes I’d be crazy.
Customer man: You’d be hysterical. You’d be a madman.
Store guy: Meanwhile, the kid must have been in the store for 45 minutes before I noticed him!
–Quails, SI mall
Girl: Can I have an egg omelette?
Chef: Um…yes, do you want anything in that?
Girl: Doesn’t it come with stuff in it?
Chef: Yes, what do you want in your omelette?
Girl: Eggs.
Chef: That it?
Girl: Actually, what kind of omelettes besides egg do you have?
–Penn Station
Macy’s clerk: Dude, don’t do that…Dude, I bent down and you fuckin’ farted. Don’t do that.
Customer: …I didn’t.
Macy’s clerk: Bro, you fuckin’ farted in my face when I bent down, I don’t want to smell that in here!
–Macy’s men’s shoes department
Overheard by: Chris Noland
