Counter Guy: K…K…K!…Okay, turkey and brie!
Customer #1: That’s not K, that’s H.
Customer #2: H is the new K.
–Liberty Deli, W. 56th St.
Overheard by: Steve
Counter Guy: K…K…K!…Okay, turkey and brie!
Customer #1: That’s not K, that’s H.
Customer #2: H is the new K.
–Liberty Deli, W. 56th St.
Overheard by: Steve
Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it.
–MSKCC cafeteria
Nutty Old Bat: 90 bucks for my pills? I don’t have that kind of money with me. You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am, that’s the price and we need your prescription.
Nutty Old Bat: I don’t have my prescription. I’m coming from the emergency room! How much for a pill? I need it. I haven’t had a pill since this morning.
Pharamacist: I can’t get you one pill. I need your prescription. Just get one and come back tomorrow.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am. I can’t help you.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that!
Pharmacist: Have a good day ma’am.
Nutty Old Bat: Unbelievable! She doesn’t want to do better than that!
–Bryant Park Duane Reade
Overheard by: Felson Sajonas
Salesgirl: How’d you get that bruise?
Customer: I was jumproping and I fell.
Salesgirl: Aren’t you a little old to be jumproping?
Customer: Aren’t you a little fat to be working at The Gap?
–The Gap, 48th & 6th
The cashier hands coupon back to customer.
Customer #1: So the coupon is expired? What does that mean? It’s no good?
Customer #2 tells her friend: We should soooo submit this to Overheard.
–Staples, 6th & 23rd
Overheard by: Customer #3, submitting this in case #2 never got around to it.
Blonde to other: Don't worry, within like an hour you'll have Jameson running through your system.
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal
Girl on cell: I'm kind of hungover–I think that gin and tonic was a bad idea. I was already drunk, I don't know why I felt the need to have one… And then I went home and made scrambled eggs, and then I wrote a long email to Jen* about how good they were and then I read it this morning and I was like "I am such an idiot!"
–Broadway & Great Jones
Overheard by: Lillian
Sorority girl on cell: Well, I'm going to have some champagne, but it's not like I'm knocking back shots with the guys. (pause) Yeah, I know, I know, I'll be careful. (pause) Don't worry, mom, I've done worse drugs than drink before! (long pause) I don't want to talk about it. (long long pause) So…I'm going to go horseback riding!
–Broadway & 34th St, Astoria
Overheard by: Horsies Are Pretty
Bartender: Ladies and gentlemen! Don't run away from or by the bar! You have an hour to walk to your seats. Again, please do not run from the bar, run to it!
—Wicked, Broadway
Girl to friend: I only get tipsy enough to go into the Virgin Megastore…
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Overheard by: Jonathan
Man to friend, about AA: Y'know, if I could drink like normal people, I'd get drunk every night.
–Central Park
Overheard by: John Tidyman
Girl to friend: When I told you to seize the moment I didn't know you were drunk!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rebecca
Girl diner: You can order a tongue sandwich!
Guy diner: I don't eat anything that can taste me back.
–Ben's Kosher Deli
Overheard by: Pastrami Girl
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!"
–G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.
–Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!
–38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.
–43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.
–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
Woman: Does the breakfast burrito come with fries?
Waitress: Yes.
Woman: Uh-uh. I can’t be having a tortilla and potatoes — I’m working on my pretty.
–Blue Moon, 17th & 8th
Overheard by: Matthew K Johnson
Diva customer: How do I find out who was answering the phone this morning?!
Salesgirl: Um… It could have been anybody, I’m not sure…
Diva customer: Pshhh.
Salesgirl: I’m sorry. Why did you want to know?
Diva customer: Because this girl I talked to told me that you all had the Erin Skinny Destroyed jeans in the light color, and now y’all don’t have them, and I wanna report her!
Salesgirl: Um… Sorry.
–Abercrombie & Fitch, 5th Ave
