Store guy: I don’t get it. If I lost my kid for 5 minutes I’d be crazy.
Customer man: You’d be hysterical. You’d be a madman.
Store guy: Meanwhile, the kid must have been in the store for 45 minutes before I noticed him!
–Quails, SI mall
Store guy: I don’t get it. If I lost my kid for 5 minutes I’d be crazy.
Customer man: You’d be hysterical. You’d be a madman.
Store guy: Meanwhile, the kid must have been in the store for 45 minutes before I noticed him!
–Quails, SI mall
Girl: Can I have an egg omelette?
Chef: Um…yes, do you want anything in that?
Girl: Doesn’t it come with stuff in it?
Chef: Yes, what do you want in your omelette?
Girl: Eggs.
Chef: That it?
Girl: Actually, what kind of omelettes besides egg do you have?
–Penn Station
Macy’s clerk: Dude, don’t do that…Dude, I bent down and you fuckin’ farted. Don’t do that.
Customer: …I didn’t.
Macy’s clerk: Bro, you fuckin’ farted in my face when I bent down, I don’t want to smell that in here!
–Macy’s men’s shoes department
Overheard by: Chris Noland
Butcher: Would you like anything else today?
Lady: Not that I can think of. As a matter of fact I haven’t really been able to think of much all day. Must be all the vicodin….So how do I prepare this?
Butcher: It’s lunchmeat. You just eat it.
–Greenpoint market
Customer: Christ, there are beautiful women every time I come in here.
Cashier: Yeah! All day long! It hurts!
–St. Mark’s Gourmet Market, St. Mark’s Place
Counter Guy: K…K…K!…Okay, turkey and brie!
Customer #1: That’s not K, that’s H.
Customer #2: H is the new K.
–Liberty Deli, W. 56th St.
Overheard by: Steve
Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it.
–MSKCC cafeteria
Nutty Old Bat: 90 bucks for my pills? I don’t have that kind of money with me. You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am, that’s the price and we need your prescription.
Nutty Old Bat: I don’t have my prescription. I’m coming from the emergency room! How much for a pill? I need it. I haven’t had a pill since this morning.
Pharamacist: I can’t get you one pill. I need your prescription. Just get one and come back tomorrow.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that.
Pharmacist: I’m sorry ma’am. I can’t help you.
Nutty Old Bat: You’re going to have to do better than that!
Pharmacist: Have a good day ma’am.
Nutty Old Bat: Unbelievable! She doesn’t want to do better than that!
–Bryant Park Duane Reade
Overheard by: Felson Sajonas
Salesgirl: How’d you get that bruise?
Customer: I was jumproping and I fell.
Salesgirl: Aren’t you a little old to be jumproping?
Customer: Aren’t you a little fat to be working at The Gap?
–The Gap, 48th & 6th
The cashier hands coupon back to customer.
Customer #1: So the coupon is expired? What does that mean? It’s no good?
Customer #2 tells her friend: We should soooo submit this to Overheard.
–Staples, 6th & 23rd
Overheard by: Customer #3, submitting this in case #2 never got around to it.
