Customer: Yeah, can I get one for the movie where the girl’s vagina has teeth?
Box office cashier: Sorry, sir, this show’s sold out. The next one’s at 8:25.
Customer: Sold out? How many people actually want to see a movie where a girl’s vagina has teeth?
–City Cinemas, 12th St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: SplendidConfusion
Dude: There's a new kind of condom out that makes you feel like you're not wearing it.
Pharmacist: I don't know, sorry.
Dude: But you're a pharmacist.
Pharmacist: The product is over there. (points at all condoms)
Dude: Okay, thanks for knowing nothing.
–Duane Reade
Overheard by: Dave G
Nosy customer: So what are you from, Germany?
Guy with accent: No, Austria.
Nosy customer: Ha, close enough.
Guy with accent: Err, no, not really.
–Ess-a-Bagel
Overheard by: Chris
Dude on cell: If he wrote a fucking haiku I would shit myself!
–50th b/w 8th & 9th
Hip dude: I was like: "Your voice is drowning me in a wave of bullshit."
–W 4th
Customer to associate: Where can I pay for this shit?
–Apple Store, 5th Ave
Suit on cell: No, I have IBS. IBS! Ya know, Irritable Bowel Syndrome. I’ll shit when I gotta shit, and that’s the way this is gonna go!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Quippy Pasqual
am New York paper guy: Get your free am New York! They’re free because their employees get paid shit!
–53rd & 7th Ave
Chick: So, you’re working here now?
Barista guy: Well, had they taught me karate from a young age like they were supposed to I would be fighting shoguns in Japan right now.
–Park Slope coffee shop
Overheard by: kendell chambers
Lady #1: Oh, shit! Is that a cockroach?
Manager, yelling to co-worker: Go kill that, quick!
Lady #2: Oh my gawd, that is the biggest cockroach I ever seen.
Lady #1: We better be gettin’ some free chicken ’cause of dat shit.
–Popeye’s, Myrtle Ave & Broadway, Brooklyn
Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
Woman on phone: So, should I continue not being a whore or should I go get an emergency Brazilian?
–Lexington Ave & 58th
Girl to friend: No, I can't do tomorrow afternoon. I am getting waxed for the weekend. Just in case.
–3rd Ave & 80th St
Salesgirl to customer: You so have an exfoliating face!
–Sephora, 57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Amanda
Creepy hobo on payphone: So, you're doing your nails? Mmmmmm…
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: Thompson
Girl with pounds of makeup on: Yeah, I'm going on lunch right now. I am so exhausted, I did five makeovers today. Yeah, I am so tired…I had a butch.
–Elevator, Macy's
Overheard by: K Melv
Thug: All I want is a mani-pedi.
–72nd & Central Park West
Overheard by: wb
Pharmacist, coming out from behind counter: So how can I help you?
British tourish: Well, I have a headache and a bit of a sore throat and [pulls out piece of paper, shows to pharmacist] I am not sure, but I think this is illegal in the United States.
–Duane Reade, 47th & Lexington
Overheard by: EthanK
Middle-aged woman to others: Just because she's got her own apartment, she thinks she has it all together.
–Near NYU
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy to another, about his apartment: All I want to do in my apartment is die.
–Fort Greene, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Dodd Loomis
Woman on cell, walking briskly: There was blood all over the apartment…
–E 9th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave
Cashier to male shopper: Dude, your apartment is rent-stabilized and you have food stamps? You are so rich!
–Whole Foods, Houston & Bowery
20-something trendy Jonas Brother-looking dude on cell: No, I sleep on the couch that's in the kitchen. (short pause) I'll tell you about my apartment later.
–9th Ave b/w 14th & 15th
Overheard by: Dash
