Nurse lady #1: Who do you think is going to OD first?
Nurse lady #2: Mary-Kate.
Nurse lady #1: Yeah, I know.
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering hospital, E. 68th Street
Overheard by: Phenders
Nurse lady #1: Who do you think is going to OD first?
Nurse lady #2: Mary-Kate.
Nurse lady #1: Yeah, I know.
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering hospital, E. 68th Street
Overheard by: Phenders
Two guys and a girl enter the hospital and ask for the restroom. A few minutes later as they’re leaving the building the security guard talks to them.
Security guard: That’ll be $20.
Guy: What?
Security guard: Ain’t nothing for free at the hospital…unless you have an insurance card. Have a good night folks!
–Mount Sinai hospital, 5th Avenue
Overheard by: Vanilla
World-famous doctor: Do you know what I love? Dyslexic Black people. For instance, the other day a Black guy stopped me in his car as I was walking and asked me, “How do I get to the FRD?”.
–Tisch hospital, 33rd Street
Old white veteran: Why can’t I walk? Did I have a stroke?
Black lady aide: You can walk.
Old veteran: Then who’s that wheelchair belong to?
Black lady aide: You can walk, but you can’t walk far.
–VA Center, St. Albans, Queens
Overheard by: Eddie Blanco
Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it.
–MSKCC cafeteria
Hospital coffee shop counter guy: Missed you yesterday.
Hospital clerk: Yeah, you didn’t see me yesterday. I was in the emergency room. Patient
swung at me with a cane. So I threw a metal stapler at her. I got stressed when I threw that stapler, yeah. So I went to the emergency room. We need partitions, man.
–City Hospital, Bronx
Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn’t extinct anymore?
–Central Park
Lady facing sign reading “Security”: Excuse me — where can I find security?!
Hapless intern: Um…
–New York-Presbyterian Hospital
Overheard by: i hate hospitals
Kid to friend: Is your dad in town? I need Ambien CR.
–Saatchi & Saatchi, Hudson St
Overheard by: dlr
Guy on cell: No, they never came. [Pause.] I just never got them! [Pause.] I told you you can’t just send random pills through the mail!
–Strawberry Fields, Central Park
Strung out middle-aged lesbian: How long does that detox stuff take to work? I need to be clean of the Xanax by my doctor’s appointment next week. He knows I’m on meth, but he can’t find out I’m on Xanax.
–E Train
Worried suit: …But I can’t be on Zoloft, so I don’t know what to do.
–E 14th St
Patient to friend: He asked for an Ensure. He got an Ambien instead.
–NYS Psychiatric Institute
Overheard by: nonrandomerror
Suit: Her meds worked better this audition season -you could tell.
–Oriental Garden
Man: Let me explain it to you. It’s like this…when I’m more than fifty miles from the city, I’m a bachelor again.
Woman: How’s that?
Man: Well, yeah…when I’m closer to the city, she hears shit.
–24th & 8th
Patient: My breasts look like slot machines!
–NY Presbyterian Hospital, 61st & York
Overheard by: Johnny Drama
