Little girl: Mommy, I gotta go diarrhea!
Mom: Not all poo-poo is diarrhea, you know.
–Museum of Natural History
Little girl: Mommy, I gotta go diarrhea!
Mom: Not all poo-poo is diarrhea, you know.
–Museum of Natural History
Construction guy #1: Yeah apparently, they just eat and eat and eat
until they can’t anymore, and then go and throw it all up.
Construction guy #2: Wow, that’s what skinny girls do?
Construction guy #1: Yeah, it’s called bulimia or something. I think
it’s actually a disease.
Construction guy #2: Yeah, but a disease that makes you look good, am I right?
–City College
Overheard by: Barbara Seifert
Guy #1: Hey, what’s up?
Guy #2: Not much.
Guy #1: I heard you went to the hospital or something.
Guy #2: Yeah, I stopped breathing.
–F train
Girl: You’re so autistic.
Guy: What? Do you mean artistic?
Girl: No, I mean autistic. Like Marlee Matlin.
–Washington Square Park
Guy: I got a medical procedure. It’s a done deal. It’s called a biops.
–Highbridge, The Bronx
Overheard by: Kaitlen
Man on cell phone: You forgot the safety word?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Maggie and David
Chick: I’m going to papercut you ferociously.
–Fordham
Overheard by: Jess McGins
Girl: Yo, I think these Band-Aids give me street cred.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Rocio Burga
Girl on cell: I hate him! I don’t want to invite him since he rammed his head into a wall at the bar…Yeah, she’s okay…When did he get cancer?…Of course, he can be invited; he has cancer. Wait…does he like to ram his head into walls?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Clay Stewart
Woman on cell: Oh my God, I’m about to explode. I got these tight-ass pants on and my stomach is about to explode over my belt.
–1st Avenue & 2nd Street
Overheard by: Sarah Dell’Orto
Girl #1: I wish I still smoked so I would have a reason to go outside every 20 minutes.
Girl #2: But then you’d have cancer.
–Chelsea elevator
Man: Did anyone else notice my mother’s leopard print panties?
–1st Avenue & 10th Street
Girl on cell: Stop stealing Grandma’s condoms, you know she needs them more than you do. Do you want another mother?
–47th & 9th
Mom: Rules are so hard to keep track of and enforce. So I just don’t make any.
–Brooklyn Heights
Mom: Do you know what mental illness is? It’s not fun. You should know.
–F train
Guido on cell: My grandmother tore him a new asshole! You know what she’s like.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Vic Payback
Mom: Can we please watch the expletives? Did you hear what I said? Can we please watch the expletives?…Can you please stop giving me the finger?
–LIRR
Overheard by: CMichaels
Mom: Get out of the elevator, I want to look at the Marc Jacobs crap.
–Barney’s, Madison Avenue
Woman: This block has the best garbage!
–2nd Avenue & 8th Street
Girl on cell: We’ve already got plans again for this weekend. I’m really excited about this guy; he’s great. He’s really driven, really ready to succeed. He’s a doctor…No, not in real life, on TV.
–57th & Lexington
Overheard by: Heather
White guy: That wasn’t the best day of my life, though. The best day was the day after my birthday when I recoverd my hard drive.
–Astoria party
Overheard by: Noah Starr
Man on cell: I like them shoes with the ruffle. The ones you wore to the Olive Garden that one time.
–Broadway & Prince
Girl: In theory…I was going to end that sentence with, “the dolphins will be OK.”
–7 train
Overheard by: Amado Angel
Lady: Well, he’s an ex-junkie, an alcoholic, mean-tempered, a practicing bisexual, and he has hepatitus C. But he’s a wonderful man and, as guys like that go, he does have great taste in jewelry.
–Midtown office
Guy #1: Frank was sneezing so loud I could hear him all the way inside.
Girl: Well, that explains the frown on the back of your face.
Guy #2: Do you even have a back of your face?
–Chambers Street station
Overheard by: James Q Wilson
Girl #1: …and I told him, he was going over there all the time and letting the dog lick in the face and kiss him.
Girl #2: And now he gots herpes of the mouth and shit.
–Bushwick
Overheard by: Spider
