Woman #1: I’m seeing this guy who’s really nice and he’s rich, he’s loaded, but he doesn’t turn me on at all. I never come. But he keeps asking me to marry him! I know I’ll never get this opportunity again. I dunno what to do.
Woman #2: Marry him and buy a vibrator!
Woman #1: Oh my god, I never thought of that! That’s exactly what I’ll do. Gee, thanks, great idea!
–Hot dog stand, 40th & 7th
Overheard by: Deborah Olin
Guy: Hey! I haven’t seen you in, like, forever.
Girl: No kidding! How are you?
Guy: I’m good… Except, remember when I fell into that brick wall? I’m worried the cut’s infected.
Girl: Well, I have some Bactroban in my purse…
Guy: Awesome! Have I mentioned how much I love you?
Girl: And it’s prescription strength.
Guy: I’d get down on one knee and propose to you now, but I’m pretty sure I’m standing in pigeon shit.
–NYU
Professor: Did I tell you guys I’m going to be a father? I’m going to be a father.
Class: Awww!
Professor: I had a little accident. Now I have to get married.
–NYU classroom
20-something guy to five-year-old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.
–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch
Overheard by: Kelli Jo
Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.
–7th Ave & 47th St
Overheard by: Oh no he didn't….
Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!
–4 Train
Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard's Obama.
–Kent Ave, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Trekkie
Diner to companion: Since Obama's been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They're testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they're testing his gallstones.
–Teddy's Restaurant, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Ken Yapelli
Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)
–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens
Girl: So how's your cougar?
Guy: She's good.
Girl: What is she, 50?
Guy: 52.
Girl: And you're…32?
Guy: 34.
Girl: She ever been married?
Guy: Divorced. That's how I got right in there.
Girl: So is this, like, something serious? Like a forever thing?
Guy: No! I mean, I want kids, and she keeps getting these heat flashes. You know?
–L Train
Skinny guy in bad 90s jeans: I have to find out what that stupid bastard said!
Fat guy: What guy are you talking about?
Skinny guy in bad 90s jeans: No, I'm talking about my wife!
–3rd Ave & Ovington, Bay Ridge
Overheard by: Ohioan stuck in Brooklyn
Dude #1: So, when did you get married?
Dude #2: I got married four weeks ago, in Vegas!
Dude #1: Really?
Dude #2: Yeah. Apparently Elvis wasn’t wearing any underwear when he married us, and some of the guests saw Little Elvis.
Dude #1: Ugh, bummer, dude! Are you sure you’re really married?
–1 train
Overheard by: LG
Young male suit, about colleague getting married and moving: It's like she's taking this huge dive…
Young female suit: Off the high dive, into the shallow end.
–Hanover Square
Overheard by: anonanonanon
Girlfriend: Wait, so they’re engaged?
Boyfriend: They’re engaged… in the Murray Hill sense.
–Duane Reade, 33rd & 3rd
Overheard by: mb
Guy #1: Tomorrow is my 10th wedding anniversary.
Guy #2: Oh yeah, what are you going to do?
Guy #1: I’m going to buy a new belt and beat my wife with it.
–Office, 28th & Park
