Dude #1: You know, I kinda like Richie Santorum.
Dude #2: Yeah… he’s a pretty good guitarist. Bon Jovi’s alright.
Dude #1: Yep.
–7 train
Dude #1: You know, I kinda like Richie Santorum.
Dude #2: Yeah… he’s a pretty good guitarist. Bon Jovi’s alright.
Dude #1: Yep.
–7 train
20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!
–Pet Food Store
Overheard by: Nathalie
Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?
–8th & Broadway
Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?
–Chambers St. & West Broadway
Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.
–MacDougal & 8th St
Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.
–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown
Overheard by: Lauren T.
Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.
–Delancey & Essex
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said “Come on, Mr California!” and I was like: “Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!”
–G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.
–Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight‐year‐old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!
–38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton‐John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.
–43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.
–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
20‐Something woman #1: Wow, classical music makes me think the world’s all happy and shit.
20‐Something woman #2: Yeah.
20‐Something woman #1: I need a nice, trashy rap song about hos and shooting to remind myself that life sucks.
20‐Something woman #2: Seriously.
–Lincoln Center
Overheard by: slit your wrists while you’re at it
Girl #1: Where is he from, anyway?
Girl #2: I dunno, he’s from Fort Dallas or something.
Girl #1: He’s from some fort town.
Girl #2: Well, there’s Dallas‐Fort Worth, but that’s, like, a big city. (pause) He’s from wherever Kelly Clarkson’s from.
Girl #1: Oh, okay!
–LIRR
Overheard by: openmic
Recent college graduate #1: Have you ever seen an actual 8‑track?
Recent college graduate #2: Yes, I’ve seen one – but I’ve never seen a movie on one.
– Private apartment, Boerum Hill, Brooklyn
Wife: Is Ozzy Osbourne the one with the long blonde hair?
Husband: He’s not blonde! He’s done drugs his whole life!
Wife: Is he black?
Husband: No, you’re thinking of Gene Simmons.
Wife: Oh, of course! (pause) No, I think I was thinking of Lady Gaga.
–BB King’s, Times Square
New wave boy: You're like Lou Reed with a vagina.
New wave girl: Since when did he not have one?
Random stoner friend: Hey, do you want to get Indian food!?
New wave girl: What would Lou Reed do?
--2nd Ave &14th
Overheard by: Mischa
One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?
–R Train
Overheard by: Ferna
Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven’t been home since the show. Doesn’t that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)
–McCarren Park
Overheard by: AleKatz
Woman on cell: It smells like college!
–BrewFest, South Street Seaport
Office student: It literally smells like my ass.
–CCNY Computer Lab
Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.
–Q Train
Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn’t mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn’t smell. It didn’t smell like anything.
–Union Square
Overheard by: who are these people?
Chick #1: You know, a year ago I didn’t even know who Tracy Chapman was.
Chick #2: Even I knew who she was, and I’m not even black!
Chick #1: Well, I’m not black in the ways that count. I’m not outwardly, identifiably black…Well, except for my skin color.
–Broadway & 116th
