Music

Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.

–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street

Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.

–C train

Overheard by: nicolette

Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.

–68th & Columbus

Overheard by: Andrew Zar

Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.

–Red Hook

Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.

–52 & Lexington

Flutetard: Does anyone have any requests?
Teen boy: You know Attack of the Bumblebees?
Flutetard: Uh? Attack of the Bumblebees? Yes. No. You mean Flight of the Bumblebee?
Teen boy: Yeah.
Flutetard: No, I need the sheet music. It’s Russian.

–outside Delacorte Theater, Central Park

Overheard by: Damian Kelly

Girl #1: What if you were so obsessed with Rent that you carried the CD around everywhere?
Girl #2: That’s actually kinda cool.
Girl #1: And wore a cloak?

–Irving Plaza

Guy #1: Hey, would you like a free cd?
Guy #2: Eh…
Guy #1: Do you like Led Zeppelin and Monty Python’s Flying Cir–
Guy #2: Oh hellll no.

–Williamsburg

Girl #1: Well, tomorrow is the Philharmonic in Central Park.
Girl #2: You wanna go?
Girl #1: Well I do, but I have my brain MRI.

–William street

Mom: I don’t know where you learned a word like that! Where would you hear that? That’s a bad name. We don’t call people that. I just don’t understand where you would have picked that up. Maybe from Howard Stern.

–2 train

Girl #1: You know, if you think all songs are sung by a penis, they suddenly become funny.
Girl #2: You are high, you know that?

–91st & Amsterdam

Overheard by: SexyJewThang

Girl: How come music downloads here cost $1 and they cost $0.10 in Europe?
Guy: Because anything that makes sense can’t happen in America any more.
Girl: Fair enough.

–86th & 1st

Teenage girl #1: My dad is so weird. He like, listens to albums where people wear blackface.
Teenage girl #2: Is he, like, a Nazi?
Teenage girl #1: No, he grew up in the South.

–Ceci-Cela, Chambers Street

Overheard by: Jon Edelman

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia