Private Parts

Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.

–Broadway & Astor Place

Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!

–Kate Spade, Broome St.

Overheard by: wermice

Girl #1: What’s a Pap smear?
Girl #2: Oh, its like when they shave your vagina and uterus, and they grow it in a test tube.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: pat from the island

Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.

–Fairway Market

Overheard by: Jen

Girl #1: I just got waxed. Feel my legs, they’re sooo soft.
Girl #2: Ooohhh. Sooo smooth.
Girl #1: Yeah, you should feel my cooch.

–Columbia University

Hysterical girl #1: What stop is next?
Hysterical girl #2: Tuckahoe.
Hysterical girl #3: I tucked a hoe in my pants once.

–Metro North Railroad

Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!


A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.

–Varick Street

Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz

Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dandruff. I need to like get rid of it because I can never wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Except I have crotch dandruff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snowing.

–A Train

Overheard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?

Man: We had him circumcised.
Woman: Circumcised?
Man: Yeah, whatever you do with dogs. You know…
Woman: Neutered?
Man: Isn't that the same thing?

–Central Park

Overheard by: Nettle

Tween girl #1: He had a boner. It was so gross.
Tween girl #2: How do you know he had a boner?
Tween girl #1: I’ve known him since first grade. He had a boner.
Tween guy: How does knowing him since first grade have anything to do with knowing that he had a boner?


Overheard by: Bryan

Teen girl: Wow, look at the men’s room line and then look at the women’s room line. It’s so much longer.
Fat woman: Yeah. Shit, I’ll grow a penis.

–Shubert Theater, W. 44th Street

Overheard by: Emily G.