Dowager: I’ll take a Swiss cock, please. That looks good.
–Bakery, 58th & 7th
Man on cell: That stuff was too expensive. Why don’t I just buy one of those cheap necklaces on the street and you can put in a blue boz and say it was from Tiffany’s.
–57th & 5th
Overheard by: Angie
Preppy: Hey Dave, put another beer in this cooze!
–Blind Tiger Ale House, Hudson Street
Bi guy #1: So do you have a lot of threesomes?
Bi guy #2: My girlfriend likes to see me take it up the ass. She’s weird like that.
–Chelsea taxicab
Teen girl #1: How do you know it’s uncomfortable?
Teen girl #2: Just put something in your ass and walk around with it.
Teen girl #1: In your ass?
Teen girl #2: Well, on your ass.
–Forest Hills
Overheard by: Sara R.
Drunk suit: Can I have a gin and tonic?
Irish barman: Only if you have an enema with you, ’cause I’m going to shove it up your arse when I’m done.
–Nancy Whiskey Pub, Lispenard Street
Guy: My roommate is such a pain in the ass. It’s always something with her. She never stops complaining about something.
Girl: I know, same thing at my house.
Guy: She gets me so fed up it’s like all i hear now is, “Wah wah, my pussy hurts.”
–Penn Plaza office
Overheard by: Ocera
Chick: So you think that by you comin’ at me all gangsta you gonna get my pussy?
–6 train
Overheard by: brian
Player: Yo, I ain’t banged a fat bitch in a while.
–Broadway & Astor Place
Big woman: He looks like a bean…he has no ass!
–Kate Spade, Broome St.
Overheard by: wermice
Girl #1: What’s a Pap smear?
Girl #2: Oh, its like when they shave your vagina and uterus, and they grow it in a test tube.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: pat from the island
Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
Girl #1: I just got waxed. Feel my legs, they’re sooo soft.
Girl #2: Ooohhh. Sooo smooth.
Girl #1: Yeah, you should feel my cooch.
–Columbia University
Hysterical girl #1: What stop is next?
Hysterical girl #2: Tuckahoe.
Hysterical girl #3: I tucked a hoe in my pants once.
–Metro North Railroad
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!
–Fordham
A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.
–Varick Street
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
