Girl #1: …so we are at this audition and they ask us to step out and say what we like to do in our spare time. So this guy steps out and says “discussing philosophy”. I mean, how pretentious can you get?
Girl #2: Well, what did you expect him to say? “Getting my dick sucked by total strangers”?
–68th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Betty Noir
Teenage girl #1: So Judge Judy is a racist.
Teenage girl #2: Isn’t she in charge of all the New York judges, don’t they all report to her?
Teenage girl #3: Nah, I think she’s just in charge of the TV judges.
–2 train
Overheard by: Lisa Marshall
Girl #1: So I want that job as a magician’s assistant, but I don’t know enough about webpages.
Girl #2: Oh, it’s a web design job?
Girl #1: No, I was gonna get cut in half and stuff, but he wants someone who can update his website too.
–L train shuttle bus
Overheard by: Harrison Hunter
Tourist to woman handing out fans promoting Hair: What is this?
Woman: It’s, you know, a fan. So you can blow yourself.
–Broadway & 46th
Overheard by: Dain
Thug #1: Kelly Bundy’s dancing on Broadway.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: She broke both her legs. I think she in a wheelchair.
Thug #2: She naked?
Thug #1: I bet she dance good. She hot.
Thug #2: I’d break her clit if I had the chance.
–F train
Girl: If I hear another show tune out of context I think I’m going to vomit. Physically vomit. You know that feeling?
Guy: Uh, no.
–42nd between 9th & 10th
Young gay man: I don’t want to sound cheesey, but to Christina, I’m a little bit stronger
Young straight girl: I think that’s Britney.
Young gay man: No, you’re wrong, that’s Christina.
— Midtown
Teenage boy: So I went to a Cher concert…
Teenage girl: What?
Teenage boy: Cher.
Teenage girl: Cher?
Teenage boy: Cher. The singer.
Teenage girl: Who?
Teenage boy: You don't know Cher? Damn, girl, you have no history. You have no childhood. (pause) So I went to a Cher concert. And she came out and looked all hot. “How many of you ladies have been hurt by a man?” (imitates the roar of the crowd) “Aaaaaaahhhh!” She cock-blocked the whole place.
–6 Train
Guy: Yeah, I'm reading that in the Playbill.
Bimbo: Ew! You brought a porno magazine to a Broadway show?
Guy: No, no, no… Playbill. Not Playboy. It's a Broadway magazine.
Bimbo: Oh. (pauses) So wait, it's gay porno?
–8th Ave
Professor, to deaf student's interpreter: Do you deal with "fuck" and "shit" and all that?
–Pratt Institute
Mother to bickering daughters: Let me tell you something: you two bags are the only motherfuckers I got left!
–21st St & 35th Ave, Astoria
Overheard by: Daniel Boris Dzula
Young woman in burqa on cell: And Jesus Christ! What the fuck was that bitch thinking?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: ABrooklynBaby'sNanny
Girl on cell: And he said, "I am trying to learn here!" and I said, "fuck you!"
–112 & Broadway
Overheard by: Nathan
Hobo: I was in Nantucket when I lost my bucket! Then I said, "fuck it!"
–Union Square
Overheard by: Stacy
Woman crying to friend: I don't want to do the fucking SAG Awards!
–Bryant Park
Big bald guy: No, no, you don’t have to be ordained to marry people at the show. Just put on the Pope robe if you want to marry people.
–Office Building, Hudson St
Guy: I took your advice, bro. I’m gonna marry her in a little over three weeks. But… I gotta get drunk first.
–Houston & Broadway
Overheard by: erin
Suit #1 to suit #2: Well, maybe she won’t sign the pre-nup and then you’ll be free.
–Wall Street
Black chick: No! No! Ain’t no one gettin’ lynched at my wedding!
–Food Dimensions, Myrtle & Broadway
Overheard by: off white
Woman on cell: The only time he gets to be himself is when he goes away and that’s the way he saves the marriage… Otherwise it’s "Mommy, I don’t feel well’ and ‘Mommy, may I be excused from the table."
–23rd St & 5th Ave
Overheard by: Mugsy’s Moll
Goth chick on phone: He proposed to me while he was in me… Yea, well, I mean he told me after that he really meant it!
–Penn Station
