Black People

Fat black chick: I can’t come when I’m having regular sex.
Skinny black chick: Why not?
Fat black chick: I don’t know. It just doesn’t happen.
Skinny black chick: Maybe the guy sucks.
Fat black chick: And I have a sensitive clit, too.
Skinny black chick: He definitely ain’t hittin it right. Maybe you should get rid of that punk ass bitch.

–46th St. & 8th Ave.

Black guy: They’re taking over! Where the shit am I supposed to eat?

–Rivington Street

Customer: I’ll have a slice of the eggplant.
Pizza guy: You know that’s organic right?
Customer: That’s fine. How long have you guys been organic?
Pizza guy: Oh, about 2 weeks now. The white girls are loving it.

–Delancey & Essex pizzeria

Overheard by: Brian

Dad (to son, 6): Do you want to go to Cafe Pertutti or Oren’s Daily Roast?

–Morningside Heights

Overheard by: RPK

Black guy: And another thing: I’m tired of eating you out every night!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: RelaxLove

Power suit woman on cell: Well, you just have to get on top of it and ride it out.

–Madison Square park

Black chick: That nigger was pussy!

–14th Street & Broadway

Black dude: I ain’t even gonna say it. You know who you look like, right?
White dude: Let me guess: Seinfeld.
Black dude: Oh, shit! Aah! I’sa gonna say Kramer!

–Fort Greene bodega

Black kid #1: …you mean the gay nigger?
Black kid #2: No, the black-brown nigger.

–outside Boerum Hill Food Company, Smith Street

Construction worker: …it was like, the biggest skull ever found or
some shit.

–44th & Madison

Teenage girl: I failed the math test so I told Ma I ain’t gonna graduate in June. I ain’t gotta do anything but stay black and die.

–6 train

Black guy: …it’s an endangered species! It must be preserved in a museum!

–Westway Diner, 9th Ave.

Drunk girl #1: He has such bad hair.
Drunk girl #2: No, you know who has bad hair? Derek Jeter.
Drunk girl #1: Yeah, but he can’t help it. He’s half black… what? He is.

–Queens

Old black man: Do you believe in black Jesus or white Jesus?
White girl: White Jesus.
Old black man: I knew there was something wrong with you the minute I saw you.

–2 Train

Black dude on cell: So I got her pregnant. And she wanted me to care and shit, and I was like, ‘I’m a street nigga!’ And you know what I’m sayin’, ’cause you’re one, too. I didn’t want to be a father. I even told my son, straight-up! She was some nasty shit — all mugly in the face; body all fucked-up. But yeah, I was lacing that shit all the way through 1982! Okay, peace out, man.

–E train