HS girl #1: I read five books a week and my parents get mad at me because it costs them a lot of money.
HS girl #2: I read like five books a week too, but I get mine from the library.
HS girl #1: Oh, that’s ghetto.
–Times Square
Fat Black guy: They ain’t got nuthin’ in here for someone from the ghetto!
–Starbucks, Astor Place Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dan Avery
Black guy #1: How’d you know the tornado was by your house?
Black guy #2: ‘Cause I walked out back and the tree was blowing like a fuck. Then I walked out front and the wind wasn’t even blowing.
Black guy #1: Damn, cuz. But anyway, since you’re from the country, how do I get these pigeons to go away?
Black guy #2: With a hot grill.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Dj wan-two
Black man: What is that, a raincoat? You should hang onto that. You never know when it might come back into style.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Palaverist
Driver: Step allll the way in the back please! All the way in the back! There’s some cheese and crackers there.
–M42 bus
Overheard by: Vas Sloutchevsky
Puerto Rican chick: That mothafucka’s crazy. I ain’t puttin’ that in my butt.
–B46 bus
Overheard by: Jennifer Hess
Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, someone ain’t gonna see they momma in the mornin’, y’know?
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Mike Sidoti
Short guy: You from Guyana?
Black chick: Yes, I am.
Short guy: Damn! I can always tell a Guyanese woman!
Black chick: Oh yeah? How?
Short guy: By your front teeth. You all have that funny gap thing going on. See? You got it too!
–3 train
Overheard by: Karen Seiger
Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time!
–South Cove, Battery Park City
Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Overheard by: alison
Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.”
–F train
Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane?
–Times Square
Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged.
–Madison Square Park
Jewish guy: You know, all the famous people are Jewish, like Einstein, and–
Black guy: Man, shut the fuck up, what the fuck is wrong with you? Ain’t you ever heard of Martin Luther King, Jr.? He ain’t Jewish; hell, that motherfucker ain’t even white. Jesus Fucking Christ!
Jewish guy: Very good! Jesus Christ!
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
Italian guy: Oh, fuck. My metrocard ran out. Think I can get on anyway?
Black bus driver: Yeah! But I’m sendin’ Tony and Joey to come collect later!
Italian guy: Word, homey.
–M14 bus
Old black guy #1: You got to take care of your lady.
Old black guy #2: Uh huh.
Old black guy #1: Every now and then you got to let her do her nails, do her hair and wash her ass…
Old black guy #2: Uh huh!
–Avenue A between 1st and 2nd Street
Woman: I’m so sick of boyfriends. I want to be single forever. Fingers and vibrators are it!
–43rd St. & 10th Ave.
Overheard by: Jenn X
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, the MTA is like a bad boyfriend. You’re all dressed up and ready to go and the fucking train doesn’t even show up! And the worst part is the next time you totally show up again, ready to go and just have to hope to God that the stupid train shows up. What the hell is that?
–45th & 8th
Black girl: It felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. That was some King Kong kind of shit.
–E train
Overheard by: Philip
