Gay Black guy #1: Oh my god, I sooo have jungle fever. Do I look good with him?
Gay Black guy #2: It’s so weird.
Gay Black guy #1: What, we don’t look good together?
Gay Black guy #2: No, yeah, it’s just that, he’s really white and you’re like, extra black, so it’s like really jungle fever.
–D train
Player: Girl, your nose is like a Seinfeld episode.
–The Gate, Park Slope
A hobo sits with a HUNGRY JEW sign and begs: Lox, bagels, cream cheese? Lox, bagels, cream cheese?
–Broadway & 80th
Producer: Is Purim the holiday where they dress up? There was this little girl with an eyepatch and I was like, “Arr, you’re a pirate?” and her mom was like, “Actually, she had her eye put out.”
–27th street office
JAP on cell: I give up. I have been posting personal ads looking for “tall, dark and handsome” and all I ever end up with is “short, hairy, Jewish”. I guess I should just accept my fate.
–Starbucks, 48th & 3rd
Black guy: I ain’t Jewish, so I don’t be doin’ no Yom Kippur.
–D train
Overheard by: Nash Astor
Mother: He played basketball in college but since he’s a white boy he’s got no rhythm so he wasn’t very good.
–Chambers Street station
Guy: Yo, shit ain’t no country called blacknasia or whatever the fuck you said. Black people a color not a race!
–G train
Overheard by: J-Mo
Fat Black woman: You not letting me in? I been here for half an hour watching all these other girls just walk right by….what, you gonna let them in too?! That’s when I just gotta say, “Hey, that’s why I hate white people!”
–Marquee, 10th & 26th
Overheard by: Katie
Guy: We need to Montgomery bus strike their asses.
–190th Street station, rush hour
Black guy: I was spook! I was spook. Now, not spook like my people or nothin’, spook like a ghost or a ghoul or some shit.
–L train
HS girl #1: I read five books a week and my parents get mad at me because it costs them a lot of money.
HS girl #2: I read like five books a week too, but I get mine from the library.
HS girl #1: Oh, that’s ghetto.
–Times Square
Fat Black guy: They ain’t got nuthin’ in here for someone from the ghetto!
–Starbucks, Astor Place Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Dan Avery
Black guy #1: How’d you know the tornado was by your house?
Black guy #2: ‘Cause I walked out back and the tree was blowing like a fuck. Then I walked out front and the wind wasn’t even blowing.
Black guy #1: Damn, cuz. But anyway, since you’re from the country, how do I get these pigeons to go away?
Black guy #2: With a hot grill.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Dj wan-two
Black man: What is that, a raincoat? You should hang onto that. You never know when it might come back into style.
–M15 bus
Overheard by: Palaverist
Driver: Step allll the way in the back please! All the way in the back! There’s some cheese and crackers there.
–M42 bus
Overheard by: Vas Sloutchevsky
Puerto Rican chick: That mothafucka’s crazy. I ain’t puttin’ that in my butt.
–B46 bus
Overheard by: Jennifer Hess
Black guy on cell: Yeah, man, you know. I don’t do that stuff no more, y’know what I’m sayin’? I used to, but I leave all that stuff in the past. I know where it’s all at, though, in case I have to go back to it, I can, y’know? I can still work it so if they fuck up, someone ain’t gonna see they momma in the mornin’, y’know?
–Metro North train
Overheard by: Mike Sidoti
Short guy: You from Guyana?
Black chick: Yes, I am.
Short guy: Damn! I can always tell a Guyanese woman!
Black chick: Oh yeah? How?
Short guy: By your front teeth. You all have that funny gap thing going on. See? You got it too!
–3 train
Overheard by: Karen Seiger
Woman: Every time I date Greek men I get fat…Every single time!
–South Cove, Battery Park City
Guy on cell: I know man, sometimes I wish you were her husband instead of me.
–Starbucks, Union Square West
Overheard by: alison
Chick on cell: …so I said, “Stop calling me. It was a one night stand.”
–F train
Black queer: So who is this guy, anyway? Has anybody even met this guy you say you’re dating? Or is he like that “Bob” guy you put in your car so you can drive in the H.O.V. lane?
–Times Square
Guy: She has…two one-eyed cats. She’s never getting engaged.
–Madison Square Park
Jewish guy: You know, all the famous people are Jewish, like Einstein, and–
Black guy: Man, shut the fuck up, what the fuck is wrong with you? Ain’t you ever heard of Martin Luther King, Jr.? He ain’t Jewish; hell, that motherfucker ain’t even white. Jesus Fucking Christ!
Jewish guy: Very good! Jesus Christ!
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
