Italian guy: Oh, fuck. My metrocard ran out. Think I can get on anyway?
Black bus driver: Yeah! But I’m sendin’ Tony and Joey to come collect later!
Italian guy: Word, homey.
–M14 bus
Italian guy: Oh, fuck. My metrocard ran out. Think I can get on anyway?
Black bus driver: Yeah! But I’m sendin’ Tony and Joey to come collect later!
Italian guy: Word, homey.
–M14 bus
Old black guy #1: You got to take care of your lady.
Old black guy #2: Uh huh.
Old black guy #1: Every now and then you got to let her do her nails, do her hair and wash her ass…
Old black guy #2: Uh huh!
–Avenue A between 1st and 2nd Street
Woman: I’m so sick of boyfriends. I want to be single forever. Fingers and vibrators are it!
–43rd St. & 10th Ave.
Overheard by: Jenn X
Girl on cell: I’m telling you, the MTA is like a bad boyfriend. You’re all dressed up and ready to go and the fucking train doesn’t even show up! And the worst part is the next time you totally show up again, ready to go and just have to hope to God that the stupid train shows up. What the hell is that?
–45th & 8th
Black girl: It felt like I was losing my virginity all over again. That was some King Kong kind of shit.
–E train
Overheard by: Philip
Little old man: Hold on! That card is full, so I get one free.
Jamaican lady: I know! I see!
Little old man: Don’t be gettin’ fresh with me either.
Jamaican lady: Or what? What you goin’ do?
–Au Bon Pain, Broad Street
Overheard by: Mark S.
Big booty girl #1: Bubble Boy. I love that movie.
Big booty girl #2: Yeah me, too.
Big booty girl #1: No, I really love that movie.
Big booty girl #2: Yeah, it’s funny.
Big booty girl #1: That used to be my ex-boyfriend and me’s movie…but that’s not why I love it.
–Times Square
Hobo: Stop making the fucking announcements twice, you cocksuckers. Fucking close the doors, don’t just keep them opening and shutting again! You muthafuckas! I need to fucking get home! I need to fucking feed my fish, yo! Fish need to eat too! Now have you seen those pigeons around the city? They carry mad disease…Where are you from, muthafucka? Pennsylvania? Oh, you must be a smart son of a bitch! Oh fuck! Close the doors you muthafucka! I need to feed my fish! Suck my balls!
The doors finally close.
Hobo: It’s about fucking time! We’re riding slower than if I was on a turtle’s back! And local stops too! My fucking fish are gonna fucking die! I should just make a goddamn goldfish sandwich with mayonnaise!
A Black guy comes through the car doors from the car behind and observes the hobo.
Black guy: Oh damn. Two wackos on one train? That’s too much.
Hobo: Close the door, please…cocksucker…Por. Favor.
–E train
Overheard by: Megan Cowles
Asian guy: But it’s the 21st century!
White guy: That’s true, but there’s always a place for racism.
–13th between 7th & 8th
Overheard by: E. Jung
A preppy boy whistles and waves at a cab. The cab ignores him, and as it passes the boy yells: What’s your problem, am I Black or something?
–Park & 55th
Pregnant chick: You know when I pop this bitch out it is on. Get me a drink!
–2/3 train
Mother: Come here. You’re seven years old and you can’t fasten your own shoelaces? No more video games for your black ass.
–W. 53rd & 10th
Overheard by: James Shannon
Queer: You know, she sent her children to England, so they’d learn how to pronunciate words correctly.
–Angelo’s, 55th Street
Homie #1: Damn! Shorty set the phasers on stun!
Homie #2: Shields up!
–Union Square station
Producer guy #1: So it’s like when a Trekkie sees Patrick Stewart and immediately yells “There’s Captain Kirk.”
Producer guy #2: Oh, you’re right! Maybe we should just stick to that hip-hop audience you were talking about. Forget the Trekkies.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston Street
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”.
–Union Square station
Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!
–6th Avenue salon
Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck!
–Park Slope
