Girl: Excuse me, do you have Anbesol?
Cashier guy: Animals? No. No animals.
Girl: No, Anbesol…it’s for gums.
Cashier guy: All of the gums are right here.
–Deli, Astoria
Overheard by: Someone who thought it was “Ambesol”
Girl: Excuse me, do you have Anbesol?
Cashier guy: Animals? No. No animals.
Girl: No, Anbesol…it’s for gums.
Cashier guy: All of the gums are right here.
–Deli, Astoria
Overheard by: Someone who thought it was “Ambesol”
Sandwich guy: Hey there pretty girl, you want your usual turkey sandwich?
Girl: Yes, please.
Sandwich guy: You’re the mayo girl, right?
Girl: No, mustard. So have you learned my sandwich yet?
Sandwich guy: Yes, of course. Ham?
Girl: No, turkey.
Sandwich guy: Lettuce and tomato, right?
Girl. No tomato.
Sandwich guy: Swiss cheese, right?
Girl: No, cheddar.
Sandwich guy: You said mayo?
–97th & Amsterdam deli
A Kosher Deli has a neon sign in the shape of a sky-line.
Guy: What’s with all the phalluses?
Girl: That’s Jeruselum. They’re church towers or something.
Guy: Oh…is “phalluses” the right way to make that plural?
–Broadway & 32nd
Drunk White hobo: Aw man, fucka that shit.
Hispanic deli chef: Man, you don’t have to say that to me. I am your brother.
Drunk White hobo: You’re right, brother…I am sorry, my brother.
–34th street deli between 8th & 9th
Black dude #1: Shut up, nigga.
Black dude #2: What the fuck. Don’t call me nigga. I’m Puerto Rican. Call me a spic.
Black dude #3: Stop using that offensive language! No wonder everyone on this train is staring at us. We are all God’s children. We all bleed the same. Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Pardon?
Black dude #3: Aren’t we all god’s children?
White woman: Well, yes.
Black dude #3: You see!
–1 train
Barista: “Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds.”
Guy: Excuse me?
Barista: I was reading the tea bag tag.
Guy: You read a lot of tea bags?
Barista: Sometimes they have something important to say.
–51st St. deli
Homie #1: Damn! Shorty set the phasers on stun!
Homie #2: Shields up!
–Union Square station
Producer guy #1: So it’s like when a Trekkie sees Patrick Stewart and immediately yells “There’s Captain Kirk.”
Producer guy #2: Oh, you’re right! Maybe we should just stick to that hip-hop audience you were talking about. Forget the Trekkies.
–Katz’s Deli, Houston Street
Six-year-old girl: I just want this, I’m on a diet.
Little brother: You’re on a diet?
Six-year-old girl: Yeah, I only had fruit for lunch and dinner.
Little brother: Oh. What do you want to drink?
Six-year-old girl, grabbing bottle of Coke: This one. The good thing is it looks like a beer!
–Deli, 95th & Columbus
Overheard by: Megan W
Girl diner: You can order a tongue sandwich!
Guy diner: I don't eat anything that can taste me back.
–Ben's Kosher Deli
Overheard by: Pastrami Girl
Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don't like you! Don't you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!
–176th & Broadway
Overheard by: emily d.
Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!
–2nd Ave & 10th St
Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good-looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!
–Midtown Bar
Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?
–Broadway & 13th St
Tourist #1: I want a soda, but I don’t see it on the menu.
Tourist #2: They don’t have soda here?
Tourist #3: I don’t see any drinks on the menu at all.
Tourist #1: This place’ll never make it without soda.
–Carnegie Deli, 54th & 7th
Overheard by: Sitting at the table next to them, three feet away
