Wednesday One-Liners Sound Kinda Non-U

Student: Yeah, someone who plays the cello is a cellist, someone who makes art is an artist, and someone who writes poetry is a poist.

–Hunter College High School

Heavily accented Asian cashier to heavily accented Asian coworker: What!? Speaka English, por favor.

–J2 Deli, W 18th St

Overheard by: nick m

Bimbo looking at scoreboard: I think the "e" stands for "exqualifications" You know, for when a player is "exqualified".

–Yankees Stadium

Lady: I know what I am, he ain't gonna labelize me.

–Washington Square Park

Real estate agent: And all the doormen and service staff are Easter European.

–Park Avenue

Overheard by: Looking for an apartment

Ghetto college girl: I'll talk to you later, I gots to get my learn on, girl.

–Brooklyn College

Overheard by: Corey

Posted on December 8, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Brooklyn, Brooklyn College, Cashiers, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Delis, Ghetto Chicks, Girls, History & Geography, Hunter, Language Barrier, Offers and requests, Sports, Students, Stupidity, Upper East Side, Washington Square Park, Women, Words, Yeaaahhh College!

“Because she’s dead.”

Guy #1: Dude, I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Okay.
Guy #1: I really want some crab salad. It’s only five forty-nine per pound here! I think Im going to get a pound. I really want crab salad.
Guy #2: Dude, why don’t you just eat out Ada?

–Deli, Broadway between 10th & 11th

Overheard by: tina t lin

Posted on December 8, 2014
Delis, Eating Out, Food, Friends, Money & Class, Names, The Village

Do Girls Ever Wednesday One-Liner?

Hobo to passer-by: Arrrr! I'm a fart knocker!

–7th Ave & 25th St

Bimbette: Wow! I ate olives today and I didn't fart!

–L Train

Girl to friend: She farts makeup! She's so glamorous!

–Deli

Overheard by: Straining to hear the rest of the conversation…

30-something tall woman to friend: I used to live in three houses. Now I live in a closet. It's so small that I have to hang my parakeet out the window just to take a fart!

–Ave B & 3rd St

Overheard by: Mike

Older Greek lady to friend: I don't know Celia. I think it is better for everyone if I have gas.

–Astoria

Overheard by: David

Posted on November 30, 2014
All Wednesday One-Liners, Alphabet City, Astoria, Bimbettes, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Compliments, Delis, Farting & Burping, Food, Foreigners, Friends, Girls, Hobos, Home, Sweet Home, Old People, On the Subway, Strangers, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

“Do You Ever Get That Not-So-Wednesday-One-Liner Feeling?”

Girl on cell at register: It's like… If you love something, set it free. If it comes back to you, it was meant to be. (pause) If it doesn't? Well then baby, fuck that nigga, cuz he was a douchebag anyway.

–Deli, Brooklyn

Girl: It sounds douchey. But not like "douchebag" douchey. Like "Summer's Eve" douchey.

–Tribeca

Man to another, on Halloween: Oh, I get it. You're a douchebag.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: T.J.

Hipster dude, sarcastically to others: I love douchebag bars.

–Outside Puck Fair

Overheard by: Is this the definition of irony?

Posted on November 28, 2014
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Delis, Girls, Hipsters, Insults, Love, Men, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Philosophy, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Christ, He’s Still Not Quite Getting It

Man #1: I went to confession, to a priest. I unloaded some pretty bad things I done. He was a Jesuit, this priest was. He knew I was feeling bad, so he told me not to be hard on myself, that God loves me no matter what. Then he said God loves all of us, that he loved Hitler just as much as the Blessed Mother.
Man #2: That’s some pretty heavy shit. I’ll tell you this, if I were that priest I wouldn’t say that at a synagogue.
Man #1: Jeez, I didn’t think of that.

–Carnegie Deli, 7th Avenue

Posted on November 11, 2014
Catholics, Christianity, Delis, Friends, God, History & Geography, Judaism, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen

The Mere Thought Of That Will Haunt My Nightmares

Woman in deli #1: You know who else slept with Micheal Jackson? Corey Feldman.
Woman in deli #2: Who?
Woman in deli #1: You ever see Lost Boys?
Woman in deli #2: Oh right, Corey Feldman…
Woman in deli #2: Wait, which one? There's two Corey Feldmans.

–Delancey & Essex

Posted on October 20, 2014
About Celebrities, Delis, Gossip, Lower East Side, Names, Questions, Sex, Women

And, While He's Fucking Me, Scream Out, “I'm Straaaiiiight!”

Obviously gay guy: But I'm not gay.
Slightly less gay friend: Yes you are.
Obviously gay guy: No, it's not about the male genitalia. It's about finding someone who fits me like a puzzle piece.
Slightly less gay friend: Who just happens to have a penis.
Obviously gay guy: Yeah.
Slightly less gay friend: Mmm-hmm.

–Roxy, Times Square

Overheard by: Token

Posted on September 26, 2014
Delis, Gays and Lesbians, Penis, Private Parts, Queer guys, Times Square

It’s at Least Partly about the Pussy

Yuppie guy: Chris, it’s not all about the money.
Group of yuppies: Hahaha!

–Wall St deli

Overheard by: melanie

Posted on September 22, 2014
Delis, Money & Class, Yuppies

Gotta Admit, He's Mad Crackerish

Really white guy (loudly): Who is that fucking nigger you're working for now?
Another white guy: Pleasant….so do you live around here now?
Really white guy: Yeah, this is my hood.

–Deli, Greenpoint Ave / Manhattan Ave

Overheard by: Jesse