Wednesday Funbag-Liners

Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn't she know that the "having big boobs" thing is, like, not in anymore?

–86th St

Overheard by: Kevin

Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!

–Charles & 4th

Overheard by: Eric

20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, 'cause I don't know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…

–Pratt Institute

Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don't put them titties away!

–5th & 21st

Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!

–Carnegie Deli

Posted on December 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Body Parts, Clothing, College, Couples, Delis, Girls, Guys, Height, Hobos, Licking, Old People, One-liners, Physical appearance, Questions, Rack, Sensory Experiences, Singing, Strangers, Teens, The Village, Union Square and East Village, Wednesday One-Liners

But My Skin Is Dry Today

Hipster chick: Oh! Thanks for carrying my bag!
Hipster guy: No problem. I’ll just masturbate on your face later.
Hipster chick, laughing: Well, I didn’t want to say it in public…

–Deli, 9th St & 2nd Ave

Overheard by: didn’t want to know that

Posted on August 12, 2015
Default, Delis, Etiquette, Girls, Guys, Hipsters, Masturbation, Offers and requests, Union Square and East Village

A Moon Shot Requires Teamwork

Short Jamaican cabbie holding up newspaper: Man, this guy must have a big dick!
Arab deli guy: No, they did it on the moon. It’s different up there.

–Deli, 28th & 10th

Overheard by: lunch on 29th

Posted on August 10, 2015
Cabbies, Delis, Rumor Has It

Unless You're Determined to Raise a Crappy Person

Pregnant lady: My tummy hurts, it's either gas or the baby.
Husband: How can you tell the difference?
Pregnant lady: By which exit is used.

–Katz Deli

Overheard by: M. McOrmick

Posted on July 9, 2015
Body Parts, Couples, Delis, Farting & Burping, Health and Hygiene, Preggers, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Private Parts

Your Mobile Is Kind of Crappy

Girl in stall: Oh, shit, I dropped my phone in the toilet!

The phone rings.

Girl in stall: And how the hell am I supposed to answer that now?!

–2nd Ave Deli bathroom

Overheard by: Rue Silver

Posted on June 13, 2015
Cell Phone, Cleanliness, Delis, Gadgets, Girls, Manhattan, People, Places, Restaurants & Cafes, Stall Spies, Topics, Union Square and East Village, Venues

“What the pluck are you talking about?”

Woman: Why the fuck would you put a chicken in the juice machine?
Man: It’s common sense.

–72nd & Broadway

Overheard by: Alexei Lebedev

Posted on June 11, 2015
Delis, Food, Grocery Stores, Men, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Women

We're All Nine Meals Away from Being Wednesday One-Liners

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya' hear now Obama's president they gonna tear down the Statue of Liberty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o' Aunt Jemima!"

–Shuttle Train GCT

Overheard by: Mrs. Butterworth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I'd have a hundred million dollars!

–Henry St, Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don't worry, baby, I'll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Overheard by: LP

Hobo to girl with boxing gloves attached to her backpack: Hi, there! Give a little money to help the homeless? (silence) I'll take anything but a punch in the face!

–Astor & Lafayette

Overheard by: Andi C.

Shouting hobo: The family that scratches their butts together has smelly fingers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Kramer

Hobo crossing street and pushing shopping cart: Hi ho Silver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

Posted on June 5, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Ass, Brooklyn, Clerks, Delis, Family Ties, Food, Girls, Global Geography, Hobos, Homeless, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Murray Hill and Gramercy, One-liners, Panhandling, President, Punch, Questions, Race, Rumor Has It, Sensory Experiences, Statue of Liberty, Strangers, Street, The Village, Trains Not Subway, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Unfortunately, They’re Attending A NAMBLA Meeting

Dad: How old are you?
Teen boy: Thirteen.
Dad: How old are you?
Mom: You know he’s thirteen.
Dad: It says here [gestures to brochure] that if you’re eleven or younger, you get in free… How old are you?
Teen boy: Oh. Eleven.

–Roxy Deli

Overheard by: Kelsey

Posted on May 27, 2015
Age/Aging, Delis, Kids, Parents

That One Guest Seems to Live in the Mirror

Suit #1: So where are you going on vacation?
Suit #2: St. Bart’s.
Suit #1: Are you staying in a house or at a hotel?
Suit #2: A house. God, I hate hotels. Inevitably there will be one guest that irritates me; I’ll see him around at lunch or something. Then I’ll obsess about it, all vacation long.
Suit #1: Yeah.

–Landmark Gourmet, Pearl Street

Overheard by: freshie

Posted on May 27, 2015
Anger Management, Delis, Gripes, Hotels, Suits, Travel, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport

Delis