White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.
–N train
Overheard by: Rich
Girl: Why the fuck is that other train moving?
Boy: Because that train isn’t fucking defective.
Girl: Whatever.
–1 train
Teen girl #1: I’m going to Delaware this weekend. Fucking Delaware!
Teen girl #2: It’s not that bad, Delaware’s cool.
Teen girl #1: No, it’s not. Delaware’s like…a booger in the nose of America, a pimple on the chin of the USA, a snaggletooth in the smile of–
Teen girl #2: OK, we get it. You hate Delaware.
–1 train
Woman #1: So it was great to see you again!
Woman #2: I know, you too!
Woman #1: Now I forgot, where are you going on vacation again?
Woman #2: Oh, just up to Vermont. We’re going to see a psychiatrist.
–Broadway and Waverly
White woman: Ever since our trip to Israel, I just can’t bring myself to put ice in my drinks.
Asian Man: I noticed.
–Burger King, 49th & 6th
Overheard by: micah malmstrom
Teen boy #1: Hey mister, does this train go to Manhattan?
Man: I think it’s supposed to, but the N’s messed up right now.
Teen boy #2: Yeah, the N train’s totally gay.
Man: Yeah, and not in the good way.
–Queensboro Plaza station
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Woman: Move in, motherfuckers, move in!
Yuppie guy: Wait for the next one, this is too packed.
Woman: Bitch, I have to be on this train!
Yuppie guy: This isn’t the train to heaven, you know. It’s, like, going to Queens.
–F train
Overheard by: Nickicaps
Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.
–Fordham University
20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.
–N Train
Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.
–Astoria
20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?
–F Train
Bimbo #1: I just want to move to another state, you know?
Bimbo #2: Yeah, like further south?
Bimbo #1: No, probably Australia.
Bimbo #2: Oh my God, me too! My cousin owns this train station, we could totally go!
Bimbo #1: Nah. I have a date tonight.
Headline by: johnny pissoff
Runners-Up:
· “All Aboard the Pangea Express” – Stitches
· “And Australia’s like, “WTF mate?”” – one L
· “Ashley crushes yet another of Jessica’s plans.” – Heidi
· “Besides, i dont speak german…” – senny
· “Crikey! Thank God the Stingrays Got Me Before They Arrived.” – Katie
· “Going Down, But Not Under” – sigh
· “It’s good to see Condy getting out more” – mp
· “Wait, You Have a Date? That Doesn’t Even Make Sense.” – 08kjl
