Teen girl #1: I’m going to Delaware this weekend. Fucking Delaware!
Teen girl #2: It’s not that bad, Delaware’s cool.
Teen girl #1: No, it’s not. Delaware’s like…a booger in the nose of America, a pimple on the chin of the USA, a snaggletooth in the smile of–
Teen girl #2: OK, we get it. You hate Delaware.

–1 train

Woman #1: So it was great to see you again!
Woman #2: I know, you too!
Woman #1: Now I forgot, where are you going on vacation again?
Woman #2: Oh, just up to Vermont. We’re going to see a psychiatrist.

–Broadway and Waverly

White woman: Ever since our trip to Israel, I just can’t bring myself to put ice in my drinks.
Asian Man: I noticed.

–Burger King, 49th & 6th

Overheard by: micah malmstrom

Teen boy #1: Hey mister, does this train go to Manhattan?
Man: I think it’s supposed to, but the N’s messed up right now.
Teen boy #2: Yeah, the N train’s totally gay.
Man: Yeah, and not in the good way.

–Queensboro Plaza station

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Woman: Move in, motherfuckers, move in!
Yuppie guy: Wait for the next one, this is too packed.
Woman: Bitch, I have to be on this train!
Yuppie guy: This isn’t the train to heaven, you know. It’s, like, going to Queens.

–F train

Overheard by: Nickicaps

Professor: All the buildings in Florence are five stories high, because they were built before elevators, and that's how many stories you can walk up with groceries before you die.

–Fordham University

20-something tourist girl to family, about subway: It's like an elevator, but opposite.

–N Train

Bimbette: I, like, ran into them in the elevator and they, like, literally gang-banged me.


20-something woman: Do you think he ever found out I didn't fall down an elevator shaft?

–F Train

Young woman: Are you going to preschool?
Four-year-old girl: No. I'm going to the moon.


Bimbo #1: I just want to move to another state, you know?
Bimbo #2: Yeah, like further south?
Bimbo #1: No, probably Australia.
Bimbo #2: Oh my God, me too! My cousin owns this train station, we could totally go!
Bimbo #1: Nah. I have a date tonight.

Headline by: johnny pissoff


· “All Aboard the Pangea Express” – Stitches

· “And Australia’s like, “WTF mate?”” – one L

· “Ashley crushes yet another of Jessica’s plans.” – Heidi

· “Besides, i dont speak german…” – senny

· “Crikey! Thank God the Stingrays Got Me Before They Arrived.” – Katie

· “Going Down, But Not Under” – sigh

· “It’s good to see Condy getting out more” – mp

· “Wait, You Have a Date? That Doesn’t Even Make Sense.” – 08kjl

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Hippy girl: So yeah, we are gonna be living in this yurt for a year without electricity or running water or anything. It’s all about getting back to our roots and stuff.
Guy: No electricity or anything? What if you have to call someone or something?
Hippy girl: I’ll just use my cell phone.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Kelly Ernst

Man #1: See, there’s the exit, and it says Salida. What the hell’s that?
Man #2: I think it’s Spanish for salad.
Man #1: Why the fuck write that on there?

–JetBlue plane, JFK

Overheard by: beth devlin