Roach coach guy: How was your trip?
Hipster girl: Oh good! But I didn’t go…
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: Stephanie Landry
Roach coach guy: How was your trip?
Hipster girl: Oh good! But I didn’t go…
–31st & 6th
Overheard by: Stephanie Landry
Guy #1: How was it?
Guy #2: It was cool. Paris was fun, except for a few days we spent at museums…We went one day to this place…The Love or something…I guess it was all right. There were definitely a lot of people there…Julie was freaking out about this one painting, though.
Guy #1: What painting?
Guy #2: The Mona Lisa.
Guy #1: …huh. Don’t think I know it…I’m not really an art person though.
Guy #2: Yeah, I didn’t know it either. It’s by Michelangelo I think. But I didn’t really get it…it’s really small.
–Union Square station
Overheard by: Stephanie Porto
Queer: Do you know why else I want to move to London? Camdentown. There are lots of punks.
Chick: But wouldn’t there also be a lot of white supremacists?
Queer: I could do white supremacists.
Chick: But aren’t they also homophobic?
Queer: No, just repressed.
–Law office, 50th & 8th
Teen girl: Wow, that’s so sad…
Woman: Yeah, they have no electricity, no water to drink, no food to eat, nothing.
Teen girl: Well, can’t they just boil the water on the ground and drink it? They say the city is flooded with like six feet of water.
Woman: No, honey, that water is way too contaminated to be boiled, and besides that, they don’t have electricity.
Teen girl: Oh that’s so sad. Where is that?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Holly Percey
Woman: So, what is it you like about New Orleans?
–Becco, W. 46th Street
Chick: Apparently there will be another September 11th this month.
–65th & Lexington
Girl: Looks like you got a tan this weekend.
Guy: Yeah, I was out on my friend’s boat but we ran out of gas in the harbor so we were out on the water for a while.
Girl: You know, that was one thing I kept thinking about all weekend, how inflated the price of marine diesel fuel must be.
Guy: It wasn’t my boat so I really don’t know.
They get off the elevator.
Human being: You know, the one thing I kept thinking about all weekend was all the fucking dead people.
–Elevator, Madison & 49th
Overheard by: Captain Obvious
Conductor: Good news for riders going local. This train is not going express, as previously announced, but going local, like normal. If there’s such a thing as normal…Questions? Comments? Suggestions? See your conductor, located in the center of the train. Don’t just walk around confused. Ask me! I know! Usually…Just a reminder to turn those frowns upside-down. Smiling burns more calories!
Guy: Giving the finger to the conductor burns calories, too.
–R train
Overheard by: Dawn
Hobo: What the fuck? Why’s the train so crowded? Used ta be between 9 and 5 the train’d be empty. Don’t anybody fucking have a job anymore?
–N train
Hobo: I had to go all over the goddamn world. Canarsie! Staten Island! Jersey City! Timbuktu!
–65th between 2nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: I have closed my windows. I have pulled my curtains. I have put up my air conditioner…and now you will lock down block 340 like you will lock down every other block in the city of New York, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, and to some extent Connecticut, but not all of Connecticut.
–4th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Drunk hobo: I have a lottery ticket. My father played the lottery every week. Must’ve had about a hundred fucking tickets. What if I find out I won and I’m on the subway? No one’s getting away. I’m taking down everyone’s number. We’re going to dinner. Your family too. No cousins.
–N train
Drunk hobo with megaphone: Don’t ride the trains! Those a-rabs are going to blow this thing up! It’s gonna be bloody! Those a-rabs and the black men from north Africa!
–A train
Old hobo: …and there’s a girl in the well. And he got a dog! You seen dat shit?
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: K-Na
Hobo: I ain’t got no money, but I got the honey, just for the women, not the men. And I ain’t no one minute man, ain’t no three minute man. I’m a one-hour man!
–4 train
Overheard by: eb
Girl #1: I just came came back for vacation.
Girl #2: Really? From where?
Girl #1: New Jersey.
Girl #2: What? That’s not a vacation, bitch.
—R train
Woman #1: And what about the vacation?
Woman #2: It was great. But I’m so glad to be back on firma terra cotta.
–42nd & Lexington
Overheard by: Ellen Beckerman
Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China.
–Starbucks, Astor Place
Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York?
–1st Avenue & 3rd Street
Overheard by: Lisa H.
Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind.
–W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx
Overheard by: Bianca Townshend
College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford.
–14th Street 1/2/3 station
Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon
Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland?
–Wall & Broad
Overheard by: David McG
Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey.
–Sunset Park rooftop
Overheard by: c dub
Tourist mom: First the Muppets took Manhattan, now us!
–Marriott Marquis, Times Square
Overheard by: G. Star
Tourist lady: What floor are the Renaissance paintings on?
–MoMA
Guy: …it’s the same as terrorism. If we’re against terrorism, then we’re against tourism.
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: B. Howard
Tourist guy: I’ll have two of your ordinary coffees for purchase.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station
Overheard by: devila
Aussie woman: Excuse me…Can you tell me how to get to Greenwich Village?
–5th Avenue & 8th Street
Tourist lady: …and then we went to that big church. You know, the big one? St. Peter’s. The one the Kennedys went to. It’s on 5th street. It’s, like, the largest church in the world or something.
–Central Park East
Tourist guy: Oh, we definitely saw all the important things in the city today. I think the best was F.O.A. Schwartz though.
–Mulberry Street
Overheard by: Bernie Mc
Tourist guy: Hey, is that Central Park?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi
Tourist chick: Hey, is that Central Park?
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Beks
Tourist boy: Mom! We’re almost at double-u twenty-four street!
–M20 bus
Girl on cell: Let’s wear matching polo shirts and film each other eating with handheld digital cameras! Oh sorry, I’m in Times Square, and I was beginning to think that kind of behavior was normal.
–Times Square
Teen tourist boy: This ain’t no Chinatown. Shit.
–Broadway & Broome
Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher
