Travel

Wednesday One-liners Are All Over the Map

Fat chick: Every single website, every newspaper, if it’s under
$200,000, it’s in China.

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Drunk guy: So, where would you want to get your gall bladder taken out: France or New York?

–1st Avenue & 3rd Street

Overheard by: Lisa H.

Girl: Oh, look. It says, “I Heart Someone in Austin”!…Oh…with autism. Never mind.

–W. 249th & Independence, The Bronx

Overheard by: Bianca Townshend

College girl: The real reason I went to San Francisco is that I wanted to go to Japan, but that was as far as I could afford.

–14th Street 1/2/3 station

Overheard by: Kevin Sheldon

Girl:…so do you actually eat Lucky Charms in Ireland?

–Wall & Broad

Overheard by: David McG

Guy: Is that a cruise ship? Oh no, wait. It’s New Jersey.

–Sunset Park rooftop

Overheard by: c dub

Wednesday One-liners Have Their Boarding Passes Ready

Tourist mom: First the Muppets took Manhattan, now us!

–Marriott Marquis, Times Square

Overheard by: G. Star

Tourist lady: What floor are the Renaissance paintings on?

–MoMA

Guy: …it’s the same as terrorism. If we’re against terrorism, then we’re against tourism.

–50th & 8th

Overheard by: B. Howard

Tourist guy: I’ll have two of your ordinary coffees for purchase.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station

Overheard by: devila

Aussie woman: Excuse me…Can you tell me how to get to Greenwich Village?

–5th Avenue & 8th Street

Tourist lady: …and then we went to that big church. You know, the big one? St. Peter’s. The one the Kennedys went to. It’s on 5th street. It’s, like, the largest church in the world or something.

–Central Park East

Tourist guy: Oh, we definitely saw all the important things in the city today. I think the best was F.O.A. Schwartz though.

–Mulberry Street

Overheard by: Bernie Mc

Tourist guy: Hey, is that Central Park?

–Union Square

Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi

Tourist chick: Hey, is that Central Park?

–42nd & 6th

Overheard by: Beks

Tourist boy: Mom! We’re almost at double-u twenty-four street!

–M20 bus

Girl on cell: Let’s wear matching polo shirts and film each other eating with handheld digital cameras! Oh sorry, I’m in Times Square, and I was beginning to think that kind of behavior was normal.

–Times Square

Teen tourist boy: This ain’t no Chinatown. Shit.

–Broadway & Broome

Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher

No, Because Ricin Clears People Out Like You Wouldn’t Believe

Black girl: Oh my God, this train is crowded.
Japanese guy: In Tokyo, the trains are much more crowded than this!
Black girl: Why? ’cause they can fit so many more of you little guys on it?

–6 train

Overheard by: Carri

The Irony is That She Could Call That “Living”

Woman: Wow, I’ve never been that close to a real arrest before!
Man: Neither have I.
Woman: This shit always happens in the city. Thank God I don’t have to put up with it anymore, now that I live in Jersey City.
Man: Uh huh…
Woman: The irony is, I’m just on my way home from my shrink! Ha, ha!

–F train

Revenge of the Shit Opens Tonight

Girl: That’s so scary.
Boy: What?
Girl: The third rail.
Boy: Teah.
Girl: That should be like a movie title or something.
Boy: Third Rail…I should put that in my notebook.

–Trinity School, W. 91st Street

Overheard by: Alexis

Wednesday One-liners

Guy on cell: Yeah, well, I wipe asses just like you do…only metaphorically.

–William Street & Maiden Lane

Overheard by: shawn mac

Rich lady: When I die, scatter my ashes over Bloomingdale’s.

–Neue Gallerie, 86th & 5th

Overheard by: Emily

Peddler: That piece down there was made from an Apple computer box. Forget the painting; I mean, just the box is gorgeous. I have a bit of a cardboard box fetish.

–Spring & Broadway

Overheard by: Tommy Raiko

Woman on cell: So he was like, “Why are we taking a cab? It’s only 4 or 5 blocks. I know you like exercise. You go to the gym every day.” And I was like, “I only exercise the way God intended…on a treadmill.” I mean, whatever! Right?

–54th & Park

Overheard by: kittikat

The PC Keeps Going on Siesta

Clerk: What’s in the box you’re shipping?
Customer: A computer.
Clerk: Where’s it going?
Customer: Spain.
Clerk: Is that domestic?
Customer: No, that’d be fairly international.

–Kinko’s, Duane Street

Overheard by: Joshua Cody

Girl: Bitch, for the last time, Spain is not part of Latin America!

–Columbia University dorm

Stand Clear of the Closing Wednesday One-liners

Conductor: The way this train is moving you’d be better off on a bicycle. Next stop is Broadway-Lafayette, where transfer to the 6 is downtown only for reasons unknown.

–F train

Overheard by: Matt

Chick: Everybody at work lives in Park Slope. They have nicknames for the subway: N stands for Never, R stands for Rarely, and W for Whatever.

–Forbes Magazine gym, 5th Avenue

Conductor: There are bathrooms located in every other train car. And again, please don’t pee on the seats people.

–Metro-North train

Overheard by: Susie P

Conductor: This is the F train to Manhattan, next stop York St…by the way, you just missed your connection with the C train. When I miss my connection, it just makes me sick.

–F train

Overheard by: RMC

“Oh. So you’re Korean.”

White guy: You know, on the Tokyo subways they have people who push passengers onto trains. Uh, have you ever been to Tokyo?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Are you Japanese?
Asian guy: No.
White guy: Oh. Where you from?
Asian guy: Queens.

–N train

Overheard by: Rich

Why The Fuck Are You Surprised?

Girl: Why the fuck is that other train moving?
Boy: Because that train isn’t fucking defective.
Girl: Whatever.

–1 train

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