Wednesday One‐Glove‐Liners

20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8^th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8^th St

Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

Posted on May 27, 2023
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Brothers, Cancer, Chinatown, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Coworkers, Death, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Sisters, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Boys Have Wednesday One‐liners, Girls Have a Vagina

Girl on cell: Yeah…he was big. Real big. Like…it hurts big. I’m talking anaconda.

–72^nd Street 1÷2÷3 station

Overheard by: Jennie S.

Man on cell: I’m tired, man! I been working all week. Do I have to sign the paper with my dick?…No, I’m not complainin’.

–84^th & 2^nd

Lady: Yo, it smells like dirty dick over here.

–Dakota Roadhouse, Park Place

Overheard by: Courtney C

Guy: Just because you’re hot and sweaty doesn’t mean you can’t have your cock hangin’ out on a Friday night.

–Houston between Eldridge & Forsyth

Women: Why does every man have to stare at my tits? Like they’ve never seen none before? Haven’t they seen their Momma’s or their wives’ or their girlfriends’? The other day a man asked me if my tits were real, I said, “Is your dick real?”.

–7^th & 30^th

Chickon cell: Yeah, girl, he has a turtle dick.

–M5 bus

Overheard by: Orianna Baez

Girl: Believe me, if I wanted your dick up my ass, I would have put it there myself.

–SOB’s, Varick Street

Posted on May 24, 2023
On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Rack

Wednesday One‐liners Belong in a Zoo

Girl: Yeah, so, did you hear that the bald eagle isn’t extinct anymore?

–Central Park

Posted on May 15, 2023
Animals & Nature, Brooklyn, Central Park, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Health and Hygiene, Hospitals, Manhattan, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Pop Culture, Queens, Staten Island Ferry, STDs, Stupidity, The Village, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, We Love Our Pets, Yuppies

Wednesday Hearts One‐Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I’m in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don’t love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49^th & 11^th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine’s Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says “I love you” like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother‐in‐law’s face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell‑o.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn’t fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I’m in love, she’s like the whole package! She’s pretty, she’s fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

Wednesday One‐Liners, Mixed Messages

Chick: So, um, like, yeah. I mean, you know, I mean, well, when you think it’s right but it isn’t, you know, then it’s like, um, yeah. I don’t know what I’m saying.

–Port Authority Bus Terminal

Posted on March 17, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Girls, Idiots, One-liners, Port Authority, Stupidity, Words

Wednesday One‐liners Are All About Location

Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.

–A train

Overheard by: Clacky

Posted on March 14, 2023
College, Columbia (& Barnard), History & Geography, Manhattan, One-liners, Parents, Sex, The Village, Union Square and East Village

That Is Happy!

Hobo: Damn, that nigga be happier than a faggot in a bag of dick.

–125^th & Lexington

Posted on March 12, 2023
Compare/Contrast, Gays and Lesbians, Hobos, One-liners, Penis, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Biggest Wednesday One‐Liner

Girl to friend: Is there a way to block fat people on OkCupid?

–Bedford Ave & 8^th

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Remember the other day when you told me I had a fat ass and I didn’t curse you out? So now you gonna buy me something.

–Pizzeria, 77^th St & 1^st Ave

Overheard by: Eric

Older woman waiting for a seat: Oh good, the fat one got up. Shit, an even fatter sits down.

–JFK Airport

Overheard by: Henry Pena

Posh‐looking Asian chick: But he consumed over 6,000 calories a day, so he deserved whatever he had coming.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Ladle

White hip‐hopper on cell: Yeah, she’s so big I thought there was two of her. Then I realized she was a dude!

–Broome & Forsyth

Overheard by: Terry

Posted on March 5, 2023
Airports, All Wednesday One-Liners, Asians, Ass, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Diet/Weight, Friends, Gender issues, Girlfriends, Girls, Internet, JFK Airport, Lower East Side, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Park Slope, Physical appearance, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Upper East Side, Wednesday One-Liners, Wiggers

Wednesday One‐Liners for Vanessa Hudgens

Girl on phone: Well then, riddle me this, smart guy: why’d I wake up naked?

–Smith & Sackett, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Swimfan

Girl: Oh my god! I can’t wait to see them naked!

–Elevator, Times Square Arts Center

Overheard by: Natalie

Museum worker: And then I woke up buck naked in a hotel, and there were pictures of me all over the room.

–Museum of Art and Design

Guy: No, I will not do it in here again. Just because I’m wearing nothing under my jacket, doesn’t mean I’m going to flash a crowd of people in every store we enter. I’ve done it three times already. Get your rocks off some other way.

–Columbus Circle Mall Escalator

Overheard by: Martin

Drunk girl at NYU protest: I don’t even know why I’m here, I just want to take off my clothes!

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: Lilo

Girl on train: Oh, hi! I didn’t recognize you with your clothes on.

–A Train

Overheard by: Don’t even wanna know

Girl on cell: So I’m gonna be naked, but that’s okay, I’ll be wearing rollerblades.

–N 4^th & Bedford Ave

Posted on March 1, 2023
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Brooklyn, Clothing, Drunks, Elevators, Girls, Guys, Malls, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, More museums, Nudity, NYU, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Physical appearance, Pictures, Questions, Sex, Street, Stupidity, Times Square, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

We Prefer to Think of Wednesday One‐Liners as “Found Art”

Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it’s entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know – for the time being I’m just referring to it as a Duchamp “readymade.” Ew! Don’t you call me bohemian!

–19^th & 6^th

Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he’s dead now.

–Pratt Institute

Overheard by: traPt

Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.

–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA

Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff – but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.

–20^th & 5^th

Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It’s not art if you can see his penis!

–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art

Posted on February 10, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, College, Compare/Contrast, Death, Family Ties, Friends, Girls, Handicaps, Height, Home, Sweet Home, Kids, Lawyers, MoMA, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Shopping, Stupidity, Teachers/Professors, The Met, Tourists, Visual Art, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

One-liners