One-liners

Woman on pay phone: They can’t arrest him because he didn’t even expose himself.

–Worth & Centre

Overheard by: Daniel Krieger

AMNew York Guy: Free Spanish newspaper! Assimilation doesn’t mean you have to give up your heritage!

–Park Slope

White girl: That’s terrible! The only thing I want my kids to be that I’m not is half-black.

–Columbia University

Woman: So, yesterday I think I ate dog food again.

–Elevator, 90th & Colombus

Overheard by: Louise XIV

Girl: Shit yo, this campaign is like being skullfucked by a Lego man.

–49th & 7th

Tween boy: I’m gonna fight you, Steve…I’m gonna trash yo’ face, son…you gonna have to go to Jonathan Zizmor, son.

–6 train

Hobo: Come on down, you’re the next contestant on Spare Some Change!…Ooh, that went over well.

–University & 9th

Overheard by: Renee

Lady: Can I get a large chicken noodle soup? Without the chicken.

–Six Happiness, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: nisey

Drunk girl: Now that I’ve peed, I don’t really feel hungry anymore.

–Spring & Lafayette

Girl: …So I asked him, “Do you speak German?” and he was like, “The only German I speak is: men to the left, women and children to the
right.” And I said, “Dude, you’ve been watching too much Schindler’s List!”

–13th Street between 6th & 7th

Overheard by: Joe Quint