One-liners

Queer: My sister is so concerned about her son playing with dolls because it will turn him gay. I’m like, “It’s not because I was playing with dolls that I was gay, it was that I looked at a guy and got a hardon!”.

–Japonica, University Place

Overheard by: Rick T

Patron: They know what I am: drunk, gay, and in search of food!…This tastes like cock!

He was later escorted out of the restaurant with his friends.

–Dawat, E. 58th St.

Overheard by: MissHell

Black guy: And another thing: I’m tired of eating you out every night!

–Tompkins Square Park

Overheard by: RelaxLove

Power suit woman on cell: Well, you just have to get on top of it and ride it out.

–Madison Square park

Black chick: That nigger was pussy!

–14th Street & Broadway

HS girl: OK, OK, I got it. This will solve everyone’s problems: Jamal, you need to eat Anna out.

–Union Square

Employee: I’m so gangsta and keep it so real that I think it scares women sometimes.

–Duane Reade, 76th & 1st

Overheard by: Adam Shprintzen

amNew York guy: I wouldn’t mind having her as President. I just don’t want her to turn every building in New York pink. But I’m all for having a woman as President.

–Hoyt-Schemerhorn station

Some kids were making gun noises.
Dad: Nah, the trick is to use a silencer.

–Amity Diner, UES

Overheard by: Anastasia Dyakovskaya

JHS girl: I’ll be damned if I let a seventh-grader ruin my reputation.

–8th Ave. playground

Sweaty fat man on cell: I would feel stupid if I were in a diabetic coma.

–8th Ave. between 21st & 22nd

Wife: I don’t know what you’ve got to be so sad about. Your boss loves you, the kids love you, I love you, the dog loves you!

–JFK airport bar

Dowager: My god darling! The emotion! I feel naked!

–Jackson Pollock painting, MoMA

Overheard by: Anthony Garmont