Crazy guy: Ma’am, say, who’s your favorite James Bond? Hello? Is anyone listening to me? I said, who is your favorite James Bond? Oh fuck this! I’ll just mark it down as another George Lazenby. Fuck.
–Port Authority
Crazy guy: Ma’am, say, who’s your favorite James Bond? Hello? Is anyone listening to me? I said, who is your favorite James Bond? Oh fuck this! I’ll just mark it down as another George Lazenby. Fuck.
–Port Authority
Girl: Well, one of my relatives on my grandmother’s side was one of Blackbeard’s First Mates…So, I have some pirate in me.
–56th & Park
Chick: If you don’t want to look like a lesbian at the party, make sure you stay a little drunk the whole time.
–57th & 5th
Overheard by: Annie
Suit on cell: Hello Dick, this is Woody.
–Four Seasons, E. 57th Street
Woman on cell: Little did I know you can’t keep charging if you never pay the bill.
–Union Square West
Overheard by: Maggie and David
Hobo: What the fuck? Why’s the train so crowded? Used ta be between 9 and 5 the train’d be empty. Don’t anybody fucking have a job anymore?
–N train
Hobo: I had to go all over the goddamn world. Canarsie! Staten Island! Jersey City! Timbuktu!
–65th between 2nd & 3rd
Crazy hobo: I have closed my windows. I have pulled my curtains. I have put up my air conditioner…and now you will lock down block 340 like you will lock down every other block in the city of New York, the state of New York, the state of New Jersey, and to some extent Connecticut, but not all of Connecticut.
–4th Street & 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Squatporpoise
Drunk hobo: I have a lottery ticket. My father played the lottery every week. Must’ve had about a hundred fucking tickets. What if I find out I won and I’m on the subway? No one’s getting away. I’m taking down everyone’s number. We’re going to dinner. Your family too. No cousins.
–N train
Drunk hobo with megaphone: Don’t ride the trains! Those a-rabs are going to blow this thing up! It’s gonna be bloody! Those a-rabs and the black men from north Africa!
–A train
Old hobo: …and there’s a girl in the well. And he got a dog! You seen dat shit?
–34th & 7th
Overheard by: K-Na
Hobo: I ain’t got no money, but I got the honey, just for the women, not the men. And I ain’t no one minute man, ain’t no three minute man. I’m a one-hour man!
–4 train
Overheard by: eb
Girl on cell: I can barely hear you. It’s like your phone is on mute, only not quite.
–Astoria
Suit on cell: I don’t know! I don’t know! All I’m saying is, you better get a lawyer and it sure as hell isn’t going to be me!
–14th & Broadway
Punk dude on cell: Fuck you, fuck you!…call me when you are high or nice, until then fuck you!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 42nd & Vanderbilt
Girl on cell phone: Like, I’m the one who invited Fran Tarkenton over in the first place!
–53rd & 8th
Overheard by: Tyler Bryce
Indian chick on cell: You’re like the diamond in a haystack I’ve been looking for!
–23rd & 3rd
Tourist mom: First the Muppets took Manhattan, now us!
–Marriott Marquis, Times Square
Overheard by: G. Star
Tourist lady: What floor are the Renaissance paintings on?
–MoMA
Guy: …it’s the same as terrorism. If we’re against terrorism, then we’re against tourism.
–50th & 8th
Overheard by: B. Howard
Tourist guy: I’ll have two of your ordinary coffees for purchase.
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Penn Station
Overheard by: devila
Aussie woman: Excuse me…Can you tell me how to get to Greenwich Village?
–5th Avenue & 8th Street
Tourist lady: …and then we went to that big church. You know, the big one? St. Peter’s. The one the Kennedys went to. It’s on 5th street. It’s, like, the largest church in the world or something.
–Central Park East
Tourist guy: Oh, we definitely saw all the important things in the city today. I think the best was F.O.A. Schwartz though.
–Mulberry Street
Overheard by: Bernie Mc
Tourist guy: Hey, is that Central Park?
–Union Square
Overheard by: Chris Ghirardi
Tourist chick: Hey, is that Central Park?
–42nd & 6th
Overheard by: Beks
Tourist boy: Mom! We’re almost at double-u twenty-four street!
–M20 bus
Girl on cell: Let’s wear matching polo shirts and film each other eating with handheld digital cameras! Oh sorry, I’m in Times Square, and I was beginning to think that kind of behavior was normal.
–Times Square
Teen tourist boy: This ain’t no Chinatown. Shit.
–Broadway & Broome
Overheard by: Aileen Gallagher
Woman: Oh my god, I love my cat. My cat is my reason for living. My cat is like a dog, only in cat form…
–34th & 8th
Hawker guy: AM New York! The rooster of newspapers! Find out why I’m a cock-a-doodle-do-ing!
–42nd & Lexington
Suit on cell: I can’t wait to get back to Boston. This town is like an elephant graveyard for my exes. Yeah, instead of elephants, all my exes come here to rest.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Matt Murdock
Girl: I hit a firefly driving up there and my windshield was all gooey, slimy and shiny…so I thought of you.
–Washington Square
Queer: Ohmigod, I thought that was the ugliest baby in the world, but it’s a bulldog.
–West 4th & Cornelia
Overheard by: Raphael
Girl: I’ve never been pooped on. At least not by a bird.
–71st & 1st
Guy: …yes, I’m going to put that in my octopus.
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Jenny + Pete
Girl: Whoa, it smells like hamster piss right here.
–1st & 1st
Teen boy: Man, next time I see him, it’s over. I’ll throw worms on his ass if I have to.
–Fordham Road
Crazy guy: Want to see my website? It’ll cost you. Want to see it? $100. Naw, you don’t have that sort of money. I need to jazz it up. It has pictures of dead animals on it.
–D train
Overheard by: Taybin Rutkin
Man: Could you tell me where the self-help section is?
–Barnes and Noble, Union Square
