One Liners from the Legitimate Wednesday

Student, about her play: I want the audience to enter through the vagina before they sit down.

–NYU

Guy to younger girl, at intermission of Spring Awakening, right after sex scene: So you had to choose this? We couldn’t have gone to see The Little Mermaid?

–Eugene O’Neill Theatre

College student: …exactly how you’d expect a college rendition of The Vagina Monologues to go.

–NYU

Black guy on cell: It doesn’t mean I’m gay because I’m going to see a play. (pause) It’s for a class… There’s nothing wrong with wanting to see a play.

–Union Square

Overheard by: erkala

20‐something guy to friend: Picture it; Fishsticks: the musicical!

–63^rd St & Broadway

Posted on February 8, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Black People, Compare/Contrast, Disney, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Questions, School and studying, Sexuality, Students, Theater, Theater & Dance, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Vagina, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Wishes & desires

Wednesday One‐Liners Tartare

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium‐rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn’t.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It’s me

Stroller‐pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze‐dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it’s like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

Posted on January 29, 2023
9 to 5-ers, All Wednesday One-Liners, B & T, Body Parts, Brooklyn, Classroom, Compare/Contrast, Death, Duane Reade, Food, Friends, Girls, God, Hair, Men, Moms, Murder, NYU, On the Subway, One-liners, Sensory Experiences, Students, Stupidity, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One‐Liners

Chick: Was she a gymnast, or a feminist?

–Café, 113^th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Ladle

Anthropology professor: Everyone’s a misogynist. Women attend seminars, “seminar” comes from the word “semen,” which comes from the Latin for “a unit of knowledge.” And this, my friends, is how women get smart.

–Classroom, NYU

Overheard by: thats how I got into NYU

Rambling man: Nobody’s gonna be in charge anymore! (pause) Except the ladies.

–Rivington & Forsyth

Posted on January 25, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Classroom, Cum, Gender issues, Girls, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lower East Side, Men, NYU, One-liners, Questions, Restaurants & Cafes, Sexuality, Sports, Teachers/Professors, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Words

Wednesday One‐liners Are Unclean…Unclean!

Girl: I can assure you…that at my apartment…there will be soap!

–39^th & 6^th

Posted on January 6, 2023
Body Parts, Brooklyn, Central Park, Dating, Fashion, Getting Off, Health and Hygiene, Hipsters, Manhattan, Masturbation, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Sex, Sex & Relationships, Should've Used a Condom, Soho, Suits, Tourists, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center

The Country Finally Gets the Wednesday One‐Liner It Deserves

20‐something guy to five‐year‐old boy: No, Wolverine and Barack Obama are not the same person.

–Hudson Park Soccer Pitch

Overheard by: Kelli Jo

Swag guy: Get your Obama condoms, put it on when times get hard.

–7^th Ave & 47^th St

Overheard by: Oh no he didn’t.…

Hobo on train: Look at these two girls! If we get married we can make another Obama!

–4 Train

Cute boy: Captain Kirk is the Bush to Picard’s Obama.

–Kent Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Trekkie

Diner to companion: Since Obama’s been President, North Korea has fired like two missiles. They’re testing his foreign policy, uh, you know, they’re testing his gallstones.

–Teddy’s Restaurant, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ken Yapelli

Sock street vendor to passersby: Socks! One dollar, one dollar! One dollar!
(nobody pays attention) Socks! One dollar! Obama! One dollar! Obama! (a few pedestrians stop to browse through his socks)

–New Chinatown, Flushing, Queens

Posted on January 2, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Boys, Brooklyn, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Friends, Guys, Hobos, Illness, Kids, Marriage, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Money & Class, Movies, Offers and requests, On the Subway, One-liners, Parks, President, Queens, Race, Shopping, Strangers, Street, Stupidity, Vendors & Street Performers, War, Wednesday One-Liners

You Complete Me, Wednesday One‐Liners

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he’s like, “So, do you want to be my girlfriend?”

–3^rd Ave & 11^th St

Overheard by: simon

Middle school girl to boy: I don’t normally get with sixth graders, but you’re different…

–10^th St & 1^st Ave

Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you’re bitching about’, I know that you are not actually listening to me.

–Riverside Park

Guy on cell: I don’t treat you quite as bad as you say.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: Flooey

Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don’t you scream like that for me?

–The Colbert Report Set

Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said “I think you should see other people.”

–Park Ave & 29^th St

Overheard by: petey

Posted on December 22, 2022
Advice, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Christianity, Compliments, Elementary & Middle School, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Guys, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Offers and requests, On Cell, One-liners, Parks, Questions, Relationships, School and studying, Students, Trains Not Subway, TV, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Janet Reno Day One‐Liners

Short thug, holding baby, yelling at indie girl outside deli: My baby don’t like you! Don’t you ever come near my baby again! She thinks you got a ugly face!

–176^th & Broadway

Overheard by: emily d.

Older woman to young couple proudly pushing baby stroller: That’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!

–2^nd Ave & 10^th St

Tourist to another: I thought New York was supposed to be filled with good‐looking people. My god, everyone here is so ugly!

–Midtown Bar

Husband to wife: Why do we always get ugly German nannies? Always! Why?

–Broadway & 13^th St

Posted on December 14, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bars & Clubs, Beauty, Body Parts, Comebacks, Compare/Contrast, Couples, Delis, Foreigners, Girls, Gripes, Kids, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Old People, One-liners, Parents, Physical appearance, Questions, Street, The Village, Thugs, Tourism, Tourists, Union Square and East Village, Washington Heights and Inwood, Wednesday One-Liners

Hugs, Not Wednesday One‐Liners

20‐something to friend: If I didn’t do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.

–Williamsburg

Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!

–Outside School of Visual Arts

Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.

–40^th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Bones Jones

Father to daughter: Don’t say “no” to drugs. Say “no, thank you.”

–45^th St & 5^th Ave

Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we’ll roll over to 149^th Street.

–Q88 Bus

Posted on November 20, 2022
College, Dads, Druggies, Drugs, Friends, Girls, Heroin, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Bus, One-liners, Parents, School and studying, Sensory Experiences, Sports, Students, Stupidity, Tourists, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Williamsburg

It’s Like It’s Supposed to Have Some Meaning

Man #1: Do you live in New York?
Man #2: No.
Man #1: Go ahead. Take my spot. I see that statue every fucking day.

–Cruise ship, Hudson River

Posted on November 18, 2022
Cruise Ship, Hudson River, Men, One-liners, Only in New York, Statue of Liberty

Wednesday One‐Liners Keep It in the Family

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six‐year‐old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76^th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!

–6^th Ave & 13^th St

Overheard by: Wemily

Posted on November 12, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Horny, Infidelity, Kids, Men, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

One-liners

A Feminist Critique Of Wednesday One‐Liners

Janet Reno Day One‐Liners