Girl on cell: Wait, you mean John? Like, John John?
–Astor Place
Girl on cell: Wait, you mean John? Like, John John?
–Astor Place
Black kid: He don’t know if he’s a fag, man. He’s at that time, you know, your body’s changing.
–Chambers Street station
Twink: Why does every gay bar smell the same?
–Urge, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: Scott Anderson
Lesbian: Then I had an epiphany: I realized I had a mullet. And I started to cry.
–17th & 6th
Dramasexual: Do you want to come up to my place and “ease on down the road”?
–1/9 train
Queer: Oh my gawd that dawg looks just like my Janet (I named her after Janet Jackson, god bless her). My dawg’s name was Janet, my cat’s name was Janet, Janet Janet Janet! And the cat was a boy, too.
–Union Square dog run
Overheard by: Lisa G.
Conductor: The way this train is moving you’d be better off on a bicycle. Next stop is Broadway-Lafayette, where transfer to the 6 is downtown only for reasons unknown.
–F train
Overheard by: Matt
Chick: Everybody at work lives in Park Slope. They have nicknames for the subway: N stands for Never, R stands for Rarely, and W for Whatever.
–Forbes Magazine gym, 5th Avenue
Conductor: There are bathrooms located in every other train car. And again, please don’t pee on the seats people.
–Metro-North train
Overheard by: Susie P
Conductor: This is the F train to Manhattan, next stop York St…by the way, you just missed your connection with the C train. When I miss my connection, it just makes me sick.
–F train
Overheard by: RMC
Crazy guy: They have millions of dollars! But they’re mongoloids! They have more money than New York City! But they’re mongoloids! Put it at the top of your list! They have more money than New York State! But they’re mongoloids!
–G train
Overheard by: Stephie Russell
Guy: What’s this wet shit falling from the sky?
–Greenpoint
Overheard by: Heather Letzkus
Freestyling hobo: Sex on TV will never stop. My big dick in a lollipop.
Bonus: The blueblood ladies walking by gasped.
–40th & 2nd
Woman: What’s passover again? Isn’t that supposed to be like your version of Easter?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Aaron
A dog pees on a hipster’s leg.
Hipster: Dude! That is so not cool!
–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Girl: …so I told him to suck his own dick if he thinks he can do it any better.
–G train
Overheard by: Ocera
Little boy: Mommy, mommy, do you have a penis?
–E train
Overheard by: Ting
JHS kid: …so I said, “He’s gonna make you stay after class and he’s gonna pull down your fucking pants and shove his fucking cock up your ass!”
–Times Square shuttle
Overheard by: Lizzy
Puerto Rican chick: Ooh, first the wife beaters and now the Axe? I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you!
–Walgreens, Williamsburg
Overheard by: Jason
