Girl #1: Um, excuse me? Excuse me?…Excuse me, I need to get out here…Excuse me, I need to get out here.
Girl #2: Don’t fucking push me!
Girl #1: I said “excuse me,” you stupid fucking bitch! And by the way, your music sucks!
–L train
Overheard by: Lilit
Girl #1: Ooh, if he was black he would have kicked your ass…
Girl #2: Yeah, if he was a nigga you’d be bleeding all over me.
–1 train
Overheard by: Dustin Ragland
Guy #1: That guy from the Red Sox is over there.
Girl: Which one?
Guy #1: The one who just quit.
Girl: No way! Let’s fuck with him.
Guy #2: Watch out, he’s from Boston and he looks pissed.
Guy #1: No, we should piss on his shoes!
–Times Square
Overheard by: coma toast
A hobo has a cardboard sign that says “Ninjas killed parents, need money for Kugn [sic] Fu lessons.”
A cop comes up, and the hobo says: I don’t know why. I’ve already had five police come by and bother me today.
–14th & 5th
Overheard by: Casey
(cf. This guy.)
Tween boy: I’m gonna fight you, Steve…I’m gonna trash yo’ face, son…you gonna have to go to Jonathan Zizmor, son.
–6 train
Hobo #1: Yo, man, yo, come on, I’ma fuck you up.
Hobo #2: Ain’t gon’ be no fightin’ out here, brother. You gon’ be fightin’ all by yo’self.
Hobo #1: Aight, yo, come on then, I’ll fuck me up first, then I’ll fuck you up, too!
–outside the Bowery Mission
Overheard by: Shane
AM New York guy: AM New York! AM!
Metro lady: Shaddap!
AM New York guy: AM! AM!
Metro lady: Shaddap! Shaddap! Metro!
–42nd & Park
Overheard by: Jodie Goodnough
AM New York lady: AM New York! They ain’t playin’.
–53rd & 7th
Overheard by: Camodee D
Dude #1: Fuckin’ Nate, man…
Dude #2: Yeah, fuckin’ Nate.
Dude #1: I mean, the time he beat up that bird is just like the time he bludgeoned that snake.
Dude #2: To be fair, if you were drunk on tequila at your 40th birthday party, you’d beat up a bird too.
Dude #1: Yeah, I guess so.
–Columbia University Psych Lab
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
–C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
–Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
–52 & Lexington
Guy #1: He was fucking me up and it wasn’t easy.
Guy #2: Yeah, I bet it was hard.
–51st & 8th
Overheard by: Weill
