Chick #1: I saw Jared Leto and Lindsay Lohan making out on the street and now she has his band’s symbol or whatever tattooed on her foot. They’re so going out.
Chick #2: Don’t you read the tabloids? That’s old news.
Chick #1: The tabloids said they fucked. Just because they fucked does not mean they’re going out. Look at me; I’ve fucked the whole world and I’m not seeing anyone. This time they’re going out.
Chick #2: Yeah, you are a whore.
–Urban Outfitters, 14th & 6th
Teen girl #1: Oh my gosh, Brad Pitt is such an idiot.
Teen girl #2: I know, he never should’ve left Jen.
Teen girl #1: No, I mean, can’t he see that the baby is clearly not his?
–Penn Station newsstand
Old Jewess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writing another diet book. I have a friend who has read all her diet books and every year she gets fatter and fatter.
–Music Box theatre, West 45th Street
Fratboy: She was like an ugly Paris Hilton, but not rich.
–C train
Overheard by: nicolette
Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.
–68th & Columbus
Overheard by: Andrew Zar
Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tupac was named after a Jewish holiday.
–Red Hook
Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bottle of Scotch that they buy. You know, because their dad was a bootlegger and all.
–52 & Lexington
Nurse lady #1: Who do you think is going to OD first?
Nurse lady #2: Mary-Kate.
Nurse lady #1: Yeah, I know.
–Memorial Sloan-Kettering hospital, E. 68th Street
Overheard by: Phenders
Katie Holmes: He introduced me to his kids! And he’s taking me to Rome on a private jet this weekend.
–Starbucks, Waverly Place
Overheard by: robinshire
Worker on phone: Good afternoon, Ms. Swank. We’d like to congratulate you on your recent Academy Award, and ask you to stop by and pick up your copy of Natural Healing.
–The Strand
Martha Stewart is on a tabloid cover.
Hipster: Did you know she’s now on that Forbes list?
Sunglasses at night girl: The one with rich people?
Hipster: Yes.
Sunglasses at night girl: She’s not even a movie star.
–Key Foods, Williamsburg
Hobo: You are very beautiful…you look like a movie star. Like Morgan Freeman.
Girl: Huh?
Hobo: Er, no, Morgan…Fairchild. Yeah, Morgan Fairchild.
–Bedford Ave. station
Drunk girl #1: He has such bad hair.
Drunk girl #2: No, you know who has bad hair? Derek Jeter.
Drunk girl #1: Yeah, but he can’t help it. He’s half black… what? He is.
–Queens
Girl: I really wish we had stayed. I totally would have waited in the rain and gotten wet for Beyoncé.
Guy: I didn’t know you were into chicks.
Girl: Wet from the rain, you jackass.
–Times Square
