Williamsburg

Puerto Rican kid #1: You shut the fuck up, motherfucker!
Puerto Rican kid #2: Come say that to my face! I’ll brush yo’ teeth with my pee pee!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: Yamin Reshamwala

British chick: I just solved my lunch problem, because I hate raw cheese.

–27th Street office

Guy: Bitch, you better give me back my donuts or I’ll pull out your weave.

–Washington Heights

Overheard by: Vinson Guthreau

Guy: Nothing like going to Chuck E. Cheese to make you start drinking again.

–82nd & Amsterdam

Overheard by: JY

Lady: This is a yuppie McDonald’s. It’s all middle class people here.

–McDonald’s, 47th Street

Overheard by: Christa Bramberger

As a Brooklyn Brewery delivery truck passed a toddler on the sidewalk yelled: I love beer!

–Williamsburg

Overheard by: tee sul

Bartender: If the Burp Castle ever closes it means the death of classical music in New York.

–Burp Castle bar, E. 7th Street

Guy on cell: Is this like that time where Laura told me that cat food was Lucky Charms?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Cynthia

Homo thug #1: Why you guys keep saying “cuss”? Isn’t it “swear”?
Homo thug #2: Cuss and swear are the same thing.
Homo thug #1: …nooooooo, really?

–Biscuit, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Mr. Tips

Hipster girl: It’s like, OK, we only see each other when we’re drunk, and he doesn’t seem that interested, and we never have a decent conversation, and he might be gay, but on top of everything he’s also a Red Sox fan. He even made fun of Bernie Williams once.
Hipster queer: So that’s really the clincher for you?
Hipster girl: Well, you know, there’s a limit to how many areas where you can be incompatible.

–Metropolitan bar, Williamsburg

Lesbian: Oh my god! And then all you’d have to do is puke on her and we’d all be even!

–Ginger’s Bar, Park Slope

Guy: Man, don’t worry about kicking that guy’s ass. Like Jesus said, “Turn the motherfucking cheek”, you know?

–Brooklyn Heights

Overheard by: PB

Stalkee: …so then out of the blue I get an email that’s like, “Remember me? I broke up with your neighbor like 6 months ago. Wanna get together?”

–Mugs Ale House, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Greg Rutter

Scalper: Rangers tickets! New York Rangers tickets for sale!

–41st & 7th

Puerto Rican chick: Ooh, first the wife beaters and now the Axe? I’m not going to be able to keep my hands off of you!

–Walgreens, Williamsburg

Overheard by: Jason

Martha Stewart is on a tabloid cover.

Hipster: Did you know she’s now on that Forbes list?
Sunglasses at night girl: The one with rich people?
Hipster: Yes.
Sunglasses at night girl: She’s not even a movie star.

–Key Foods, Williamsburg

Girl: I grew up in Sioux City, Iowa.
Guy: Oh, I’ve never been to Iowa…but I’ve been to Idaho.

–Williamsburg party

Overheard by: James G

Boy: My top scary movie of all time is The Shining.
Girl: Oh my god you guys, the scariest movie I have ever seen is Event Horizon.

–Williamsburg

Chick on cell: You know Karen, she’s my best friend…well, not my best friend, my Taiwanese best friend…

–Lorimer Street, Williamsburg