Girl #1: I just got the best internship ever! I’m so excited.
Girl #2: That’s great! Where is it?
Girl #1: I’ll be working at the Momma Museum; I’ve always wanted to work there.
Girl #2: What’s the Momma Museum?
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: lauren s.
Dowager: My god darling! The emotion! I feel naked!
–Jackson Pollock painting, MoMA
Overheard by: Anthony Garmont
Teen #1, staring at gun with comma for trigger: So, what do you think it means?
Teen #2: It means: “as soon as I finish this sentence, I'm gonna kill you.”
–Museum of Modern Art
Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian!
–19th & 6th
Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.
–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA
Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.
–20th & 5th
Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis!
–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #1, gesturing towards naked man and woman standing in doorway: Do they want us to walk through them?
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #2: Yes. Yes, I think that's the point.
Middle-aged mid-western woman of a certain age #1: Well, okay. (pause) But first I'm gonna eat a mint.
–MoMA, Marina Abramovic Exhibit
Overheard by: aaron(b)
Woman: …Then they gave him enemas until it ran clear. Now he hasn’t had a movement in three days. Should I be worried?
–Subway
Suit: Yeah, I just left a floater in the upstairs bathroom.
–44th & 3rd
Ambiguously gay actor: Flowers come out. Girls do not poop, ever. Ever!
–Tisch School of the Arts, NYU
Overheard by: a girl who poops
Freshman chick: I am so not in the mood to take a shit right now.
–Restroom, Hunter College
Cherubic blonde chick to another: You know that ‘BM’ means poop, right?
–Metropolitan Museum of Art
Suit-in-training: Oh, yeah, I do have to take a shit — I forgot.
–NYU Stern Building
Guy waiting for stall: Let’s go gang, push it out! We gotta go out here!
–Manhattan Mall
Overheard by: KeeZ
Teenage boy tourist: Times Square is by far the coolest part of New York. It’s almost like heaven!
–Times Square
A tourist is craning his neck to photograph the Empire State Building.
New Yorker: What is he looking at?! … Oh.
–34th & 5th
Tourist: There isn’t anywhere within walking distance.
–53rd & Lex
Overheard by: Not a Clueless Tourist
Hobo, after stealing someone’s luggage: Tourists need to be more careful when they come to New York City.
–6th Ave & 23rd St
Overheard by: BOB Sled
Tourist dropping money in front of frozen female mime he’s been staring at for five minutes: That was truly incredible. Thank you so much.
–Outside MoMA
Tourist: I guess we should go to the Ground Zeroes.
–5th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Sally Tomato
Thug: Just push them out of the way. They’re tourists, they’ll love it.
–Times Square
Overheard by: duffduff
Yuppie #1: So Sarah Palin came into my office for a photo shoot the other day.
Yuppie #2: Really? Is she hot?
Yuppie #1: She is so fucking hot.
Yuppie #2: But politically she's a dolt.
Yuppie #1: Oh, of course.
–MoMA
Overheard by: The Phantom of the Art Museum
Older gay guy on cell: In the 60s, you didn't need to have passion or talent to be an artist; you just needed to have a van, because no one else was going to haul your shitty art around.
–7th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Miss C
Girl reading sign at Frank Lloyd Wright museum: Oh… He was an architect!
–Guggenheim Museum
Overheard by: Antartic
Mom to little girl: If you look at too much art in one day, you'll turn into a statue.
–MoMA
Guy on phone: Yeah, she said she didn't think I would want to go, but why the fuck not? I'll go to a fucking museum if I fucking want to. I'll look at some paintings and shit.
–Downtown Brooklyn
Overheard by: Mark McLaughlin
12-year-old boy, looking at Picasso paintings: This is totally my thing, man, it's like free porn.
–MoMA
Frustrated stylist on computer: How do you spell "Google"?
–Dramatics Hair Salon
Hot Asian woman: She hasn't even posted her face on Facebook!
–88th & 2nd
Overheard by: Sam H.
Teen to friend: My mom still hasn't Facebooked me back about taking care of my dog.
–Bedford Ave
Overheard by: kayt
Sorority girl: Like…oh my god. We should write about ourselves on Juicy Campus and see what other people say.
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angela
Middle-aged janitor: You've got to try that internet! It has everything!
–MoMA
Overheard by: Cristina
