Girl #1: Hey, check out that guy in the wheelchair.
Girl #2: He’s dancing and he’s got no legs!
–Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Toneloca
Girl #1: Hey, check out that guy in the wheelchair.
Girl #2: He’s dancing and he’s got no legs!
–Bohemian Hall & Beer Garden, Astoria
Overheard by: Toneloca
Suit: I mean, I felt like a complete idiot. I had no idea. You go to the Met and they’ll just give you a wheelchair. All this time I’ve been walking around the damn place! You don’t even have to have a note saying you’re handicapped or something.
–2nd Avenue & 13th Street
Guy: My life is beginning to feel distinctly like the Special Olympics.
–10th & Broadway
Overheard by: Nick Bremer
Dude: All I’m wearing is the clothes on my back.
–D train
Fratboy: Yo, I’m pretty sure only the retarded baby survived!
–Cozy Cafe, 1st Street
Schoolgirl: …then the teacher said “Silence”. Silence is just a fancy word for “Shut the fuck up”.
–Union Square station
Black mom: Spatula, I’ve got two words for you: be-have!
–6th Avenue salon
Boy, 8: Sorry, Dad. I had to stop because my peg-leg got stuck!
–Park Slope
Businessman: …and once word gets out that you like to fuck girls with no legs, everybody thinks you’re a freak!
Crony: Yeah, I bet.
Businessman: I’ll send you the pictures.
–Maiden Lane & Water St.
Overheard by: Dave Kelleher
Pedestrian #1: I’m fucking handicapped. I can park anywhere I want to.
Pedestrian #2: If you’re handicapped, how come you’re walking?
Pedestrian #1: It ain’t my legs that’s handicapped.
–3rd between A & B
Overheard by: Abby
Girl on cell: So I bought this air conditioner for my living room, and it's entirely too large for me to install by myself, because it weighs 78 lbs. No, seriously, I cannot even get it out of the box. I know–for the time being I'm just referring to it as a Duchamp "readymade." Ew! Don't you call me bohemian!
–19th & 6th
Art professor: You should look at Picasso and Matisse. These people will be more important to you than your family. Cousin Philly. I had a cousin Philly, and I loved him very much. But he's dead now.
–Pratt Institute
Overheard by: traPt
Lawyer to friend, about Vincent van Gogh: You know, I could have gotten him disability.
–Van Gogh Exhibit, MoMA
Woman, discussing gallery: It was all modern stuff–but not, like, the kind of modern art that children can do.
–20th & 5th
Tourist boy: You can see his penis! It's not art if you can see his penis!
–Petrie Court, Metropolitan Museum of Art
Aggressive salesman: You need sunglass!
Man: No, I don't think so.
Aggressive salesman: You need sunglass!
Man: I'm blind! I do not need…
Aggressive salesman: You need sunglass! Everybody need sunglass.
–St Mark's Place
Overheard by: j
Employee #1: Hey, look at this picture.
Employee #2: Yeah, she never would have made cheerleader if she had two legs.
Headline by: azione
Runners-Up:
· “Amputation is the New Anorexia” – Amanda
· “And they want to take away affirmative action?” – Holly G
· “But I’d Still TOTALLY Bang Her” – Jason
· “But her talent is obvious…” – fuel
· “Come on, Eileen” – Parker
· “Four legs good, two legs bad!” – Zomzom
· “From the McCartney – Mills Divorce Files” – Gimpy La Rue
· “How to lose those extra pounds to make the squad: amputation” – Sean McGurr
· “Kids will do anything to make the team” – Spin
· “Or a head.” – Jeremiah Lewis
· “Playing the amputee card” – Mandaliet
· “She’d still be a virgin now too” – Sarah
· “Title IX didn’t say they had to actually do the routines.” – CityGirl
· “Tryouts were tough for the Special Olympics cheer squad.” – John
· “We call her Tripod Betty” – Wendy
· “When Affirmative action goes too far” – Marv in DC
Teen girl: Have you ever wondered why there are no, like, sexy midgets?
Friend: No, but sometimes I wonder if you are slightly retarded.
Headline by: DomCar
Runners-Up:
· “And somewhere, at that moment, a tiny discrimination lawsuit was being filed” – Marc
· “Awwww! Thanks! You said slightly!” – Emily
· “Being sexy isn’t necessary when your face if even with most people’s crotches” – theVixenNicole
· “Both problems are an unfortunate result of genetics.” – Aaron Stephenson
· “But, like, sexily so?” – Tom Dorey
· “By the end of the yellow brick road, the Tin Man was hungry, tired, and BIT-CHY!” – Alissa
· “Comebacks for when you are secretly in love with a midget.” – John
· “Happily, I Have a Fetish for Both” – anthony fiore
· “It’s Sexy Because It’s Like Having Sex With Kids, But They’re Legal!” – Bored Beyond Belief
· “She’s obviously never seen Wizard of Oz, that is ALL sex appeal” – Kevo
· “Thank God your mom pays me to hang out with you” – tiddlywinks
· “The Sexy Midget Union, recognizing retardation as a handicap, will not sue.” – Extra Character
· “The ‘My secret is: I’m marrying a dwarf’ deodorant ad — first take” – Amanda
· “There Are Sexy Midgets, You Probably Just Overlooked Them!” – Hobo Whisperer
· “They Prefer the Term “Erotically Challenged Little People”” – Shepcat
· “Yellow fever: Love of Asians. Smallpox: Love of midgets. Down Syndrome: That girl.” – erak
· “Yes, but I look good in a teddy AND can reach the top shelf” – Villelen
· “You Don’t Need to Be So Short With Me” – Matthew K Johnson
Honorable mentions:
· “But can slightly retarded be sexy?” – Virginia Wood
· “If she were fully retarded, she’d be banging all the unsexy midgets.” – AJ
· “So all those internet porn sites are wrong?” – Graz
· “The Sexy Ones Wouldn’t Want to Sleep with you Anyway” – Ian
· “The new MMILF: Mental Midgets I’d Like to F***” – Peter Parker
