Disabilities

Mortified Laughter: The Cure for Boredom

Two guys and a girl enter the hospital and ask for the restroom. A few minutes later as they’re leaving the building the security guard talks to them.

Security guard: That’ll be $20.
Guy: What?
Security guard: Ain’t nothing for free at the hospital…unless you have an insurance card. Have a good night folks!

–Mount Sinai hospital, 5th Avenue

Overheard by: Vanilla

World-famous doctor: Do you know what I love? Dyslexic Black people. For instance, the other day a Black guy stopped me in his car as I was walking and asked me, “How do I get to the FRD?”.

–Tisch hospital, 33rd Street

Wednesday One-liners are Retarded

Guy: My life is beginning to feel distinctly like the Special Olympics.

–10th & Broadway

Overheard by: Nick Bremer

Dude: All I’m wearing is the clothes on my back.

–D train

Fratboy: Yo, I’m pretty sure only the retarded baby survived!

–Cozy Cafe, 1st Street

He Kept Downing Cocktails All Night

Dude: Yeah, I think I have this disease where I can’t remember people’s names.
Chick: You mean AIDS?

–The Big Easy, 2nd Avenue

Overheard by: Theresa

I’d Give an Arm and a Leg for a Wednesday One-Liner

Young society reject to same: You’re the psycho-freak out! You touch people’s ears at random!

–AMC Theatre at Lincoln Center

Overheard by: G-Lime

A woman to friend: My friend just became a manicurist. She had her first client today and she only has one hand.

–Forham University

Woman almost forgetting her sunglasses: I would lose my ass if it wasn’t attached to my neck!

–A Train

Overheard by: Don

Student: I think the guy selling cell phones on the street made off with my uterus.

–Touro College of Osteopathis, Harlem

Coworker to another: You have thighs now. When you came here, you had no thighs.

–1250 Broadway

Suit #1 to suit #2: He has the feet of a nine-year-old girl!

–44th & Lexington

Wednesday One-Liners You Can Dance to

Dude: He’s the black, blind Motown equivalent of Kenny G.

–113th & Amsterdam

Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy

Girl, while leaving screening of "I am legend": Okay… I cannot believe the woman did not know Bob Marley! I mean, that had to be the most unrealistic thing in that entire film.

–Fresh Meadows, Queens

Overheard by: hmmm…

Curly-haired chick: Has New Order become an okay kinky sex background band? Am I *old*?

–113th & Broadway

Overheard by: Poogins

Guy, standing next to guy listening to Journey on his iPod: Get away from me! Just get the fuck away from me!

–2 Train

Dumb girl dressed like Scary Spice en route to the concert: Yeah, a lot of people think that the Spice Girls like, reinstated feminism.

–NJ Transit

Yale grad: Eminem has a wonderful sense of meter.

–Court St., Brooklyn

Overheard by: Justin Casement

Queer: We only stayed for 15 minutes, I’m not that into karaoke. And when a coven of lesbians start casting their spells to "My Sharona", I was outta there."

–Chambers & Greenwich

Overheard by: Grand Witch Muffy

Morlock v. Eloi: The Prequel

A thugged out girl tests all of her ring tones as loud as possible for a solid minute.

Preppy girl: Are you serious with that? Can you do everyone a favor and stop?
Thug girl: I know you’re not talking to me. You messed with the wrong girl.
Preppy girl: I’m sorry, I can’t hear you. Your screaming phone made me deaf.
Thug girl: I’ll f her up. But then she’ll call the cops; her people love the cops. Go back to where you came from!
Preppy girl: I’m trying to. That’s why I’m on the train, you stupid bitch. Look, you got a new cell phone and that’s great, but figure it out at home.
Thug girl: I’ll f you up. You’re f-ing with the wrong girl. Don’t be fooled by the pretty face.
Preppy girl: Pretty face? Where?

–N train

Overheard by: Matty M.

Hence Shonen Knife’s Tomato Head

Black chick: Hey, come here, look. Did you know that Asians can’t drink? Look at her face. It’s all red.

–Diesel, West Broadway

Probably Just as Needy as the Rest of Them

Hipster guy #1: Did you hear about the brain dead woman who had a baby?
Hipster guy #2: Whoa. Why’d she do that?

–1st Avenue & 9th Street

Don’t Forget Blind Hurdling

Teen girl #1: You know, the Special Olympics?
Teen girl #2: Special Olympics?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, Olympics for the retarded people.
Teen girl #2: You mean the wheelchair people that fight with each other?

–25th & 3rd

Overheard by: Alanna Higgins

I Hear He's Diversifying His Portfolio on the Side

Elderly woman #1: He's such a nice guy.
Elderly woman #2: Yeah, but they say his wife doesn't talk.
Elderly woman #1: What? You mean she's a mute?
Elderly woman #2: No, she's a stockbroker.
Elderly woman #1: Oooh.

–Thai Restaurant

Overheard by: helloworld

© 2026 OverheardinNewYork.com
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist