Students

HS girl: OK, OK, I got it. This will solve everyone’s problems: Jamal, you need to eat Anna out.

–Union Square

Student: It’s not computers that’s fucking you up, it’s General Hospital.

–Pratt dorm, Willoughby Avenue

Overheard by: Eric Wrenn

Girl, 7: Sometimes, I wonder: who really did kill Kenny?

–M79 bus

Chick: When I first got here from Jersey, I thought I’d let it all out, live my own life, but I quickly realized that was a bad idea.

–Blue Ribbon Sushi, Soho

Overheard by: Abby

Law Student: The Nation is too conservative for her.

–Fordham Law

Overheard by: Patrick Smith

Girl: So then I asked everyone, “Who’s ever had anal?” and then he turned around…

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Megan Cowles

Girl: Cattle? Who said anything about cattle? Now chickens…they’re fun to molest sometimes.

–Fort Greene

Girl high school senior: He's so very uncomfortable that he makes everyone else uncomfortable with his discomfortability.
Boy high school senior: He's very in possession of his femininity.
Girl high school senior: You have no idea how much time he's spent crying to me about that. “Everyone thinks I'm gay. I don't know what I am. No, I'm not gay! Definitely not!”

–Downtown 6 Train

Overheard by: Adam Nathan

Loud chick, on coming out of the closet: I have a lot of gay guy friends, and they all went through the same thing. Well, almost the same — ‘I’m different,’ then, ‘I’m bisexual,’ then, ‘I only like Asian women,’ then, finally, ‘I’m gay!’
Asian classmate: So, we’re the last pit stop before gay, now?

–Maimonides Hospital, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ace Montana

HS girl #1: God, I hate English. It’s so hard!
HS girl #2: Yeah, I just don’t get this whole verb/noun thing.

–Starbucks, 94th & Broadway

Overheard by: Dunkee Hotay

Grad student girl: How did your work go today?
Grad student guy: Pretty good. I took some Adderall. God, it helps–it's like crack.
Grad student girl: Oh my god! Really? I'll suck your dick for a pill.
Grad student guy: Damn straight you will.

–Fish Bar, East Village

Overheard by: John-John

NYU girl #1 to NYU girl #2, behind hipster: Damn, is your back sweaty!
Hipster: Hey, don't make fun of my glisten!

–Washington Square Park

College girl #1: So you’re saying that if you didn’t meet her at such a vulnerable time in your life, you wouldn’t be a lesbian?
College girl #2: Right.

–LIRR

Overheard by: kdavs