Teen girl: I just realized I have a lot of numbers belonging to teachers and parents of my friends on my phone.
Friend: You’re such a loser.
Teen girl: Well, I also have the numbers of a lot of drug dealers and sketchy older guys I’ve had sex with, so I think the two cancel each other out.
–Horace Mann School
Overheard by: jen
President: Are they de-seminating the office?…I mean decimating?
–40th & Madison Ave
Overheard by: EScrillz
Girl reading poster: The fastest… (pause) "fastest." Is that a word?
–42nd St AMC Theatre
Overheard by: Steph
Man on cell: Yeah, well that's what the beasting is for!
–Penn Station
Woman to friends: You know me, I say what I speak.
–Fordham Road
Frenchman trying to learn English: I was a beef with those potatoes!
–TGI Fridays, Times Square
Overheard by: CS
Hipster art student to friend: As much as…like…whatever, like.
–School of Visual Arts
Overheard by: I guess that's English
Tourist: I feel so elated! Wait…no, I mean, "violated."
–Uptown 3 Train
Overheard by: Sally Tempo
Student #1: I have a friend who is addicted to pregger porn.
Student #2: What is that?
Student #1: It is watching pregnant women getting fucked in the ass, it’s kind of interesting.
–Columbia University
Chipper student: She’s a druggie, so she had all sorts of drug memorabilia.
Professor: You mean paraphernalia?
Chipper student: Yeah.
–Pace University
Overheard by: pays too much money for college
College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?’
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!
–Riverside Park
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Student #1: Yo, what’s in Iceland?
Student #2: Nigga, what do you think? Ice, obviously!
Student #1: Don’t that mean Iceman lives there, then?
Student #2: Good question…
–High School for Environmental Studies, W 56th St
College guy: Is that free cotton candy?
College girl: I don't know.
College guy: Oh no, you gotta pay for it.
College girl: Come on, let's go.
College guy: I don't even like cotton candy.
College girl: Then why did you make us stop?
College guy: Did you not hear me say “free”?
–St. Mark's Place
NYU ditz #1: So, this hobo on the train is selling Paris Hilton’s urine as perfume! It was all yellow in a jar and he was like, ‘Yeah, she took a piss and I’ve got it to sell – 20 bucks a pop.’
NYU ditz #2: No freaking way – what did it smell like?
NYU ditz #1: Like urine – I just can’t believe he collected her urine… [Baffled pause] You think it was really hers? I love Paris Hilton!
–Starbucks corner, Washington Square
Preppy Asian girl #1: Look! The crazy religious people gave me a key chain.
Preppy Asian girl #2: What's it say?
Preppy Asian girl #1: That I'm number one with Jesus.
Preppy Asian girl #2: I don't think Jesus will appreciate the fact that you're a slut.
–N Train
Dude, in front of closed Staples: Staples doesn't open until fucking noon? What are we, in a goddamn small town? Noon? Am I supposed to be in fucking church right now? God!
–Meeker St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Simon
Girl on cell: Because I don't function in the world of time so well.
–7th Ave b/w 27th & 28th St
Overheard by: John C
Pilot on PA: JetBlue welcomes you to New York City, where the local time is 1:40… 1:45… Kinda… I think.
–JFK
Law student to another: What time is it in the real world?
–Fordham Law School
