Students

Wednesday One-Liners Tartare

Waspy girl to gaggle of friends: You know, medium-rare is, like, totally the new medium. You know what I mean? (friends stare blankly) No, I guess you wouldn't.

–6 Train

Overheard by: I Like Mine Bleeding

B&T CSR: Pork killed my father.

–80 Pine St

Overheard by: It's me

Stroller-pushing mom to friend: I gotta do something about her leg! It looks like freeze-dried meat.

–DeKalb & Washington, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Morning Glory

NYU girl to friend: My hair smells like meat.

–NYU Kimmel Center

Overheard by: evanescent

Girl to friend: This is my pi system: it's like a sausage.

–NYU Classroom

Man to can of corned beef: God, you understand me so well.

–Duane Reade

Overheard by: Murphy

Where Dance Meets the Gym Requirement

NYU chick: They do African dance together.
NYU dude (incredulous): he does African dance?
NYU chick: Yeah, he started taking it as a class in high school.
NYU dude: He took African dance in high school?
NYU chick: Well, he's from the Bay Area.

–Hummus Place, McDougal & W 3rd

Overheard by: sarrrah3000

So Now I Only Date Married Guys

NYU girl: So, how did your date go with Hank?
NYU girl #2: You know how most girls, when they meet a guy they really like, start thinking about marriage, a picket fence, and having two kids? Well, when I meet a guy I like, I think about how we’ll start dating, he’ll cheat on me, and we’ll break up. Then I’ll have wasted two years of my life.

–NYU Library

He’ll Be Back

NYU girl #1 with a low-cut shirt: Oh my god, why is it so hot outside? My boobs are burning!
Hot NYU guy: Hey, Cindy*!
NYU girl #1: Oh, hey Sam*!
NYU girl #2, after guy passes by: He totally heard you say your boobs were burning.
NYU girl #1, embarrassed: I know.

–Washington Square South

Overheard by: might wanna get that checked out

You Complete Me, Wednesday One-Liners

Blonde coed: After he finished yelling at me for a solid ten minutes, he's like, "So, do you want to be my girlfriend?"

–3rd Ave & 11th St

Overheard by: simon

Middle school girl to boy: I don't normally get with sixth graders, but you're different…

–10th St & 1st Ave

Woman on cell: You are not listening to me. (pause) When you say whatever it is you're bitching about', I know that you are not actually listening to me.

–Riverside Park

Guy on cell: I don't treat you quite as bad as you say.

–Amtrak

Overheard by: Flooey

Boyfriend, about girlfriend enthusiastically cheering on Colbert: Why don't you scream like that for me?

–The Colbert Report Set

Party girl to friend: So I asked my priest, and he said "I think you should see other people."

–Park Ave & 29th St

Overheard by: petey

But at Last He’s Got the Motivation to Earn It

Guy with cat fetish: The only way I’d have sex with a dog is if Donald Trump gave me 62 billion dollars.
Guy with Donald Trump fetish: Donald Trump doesn’t have that much money!

–Classroom, Barnard College, 117th & Broadway

Overheard by: hallway passerby

Not Even the Women's Studies Professor Is Safe From Gina and Ashley's Critique

Student #1: I don't know why that bitch has such a big ego, she's fucking ugly.
Student #2: Yeah, I know, but she thinks she's Paris Hilton or some shit.
Student #1: She's probably getting fucked by some loser.

–St. John's University

Overheard by: kapnasty

Headline by: Leema

Runners-Up:
· “…And Taping It to Launch Her “Career”” – LOLa
· “And I’m Taping It” – Victor
· “Hey, Don’t Call My Dad a Loser!” – PeterG
· “How Guys Interpret the Twilight Books” – john
· “Just Another Day Behind the Scenes Of “The View”” – Yobojo
· “Throw in a Chihuahua and a Coke Habit…” – someday, I could be that loser

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

I Hear It’s a Great Place to Start a Relationship, Though

NYU girl #1: Oh my god, could you imagine living in that apartment building with no windows?
NYU girl #2: Honey, no.

–Outside Manhattan Detention Center, Centre St

Hugs, Not Wednesday One-Liners

20-something to friend: If I didn't do so many drugs, I could probably afford to go skiing and shit like that.

–Williamsburg

Art school student: If I can stop doing heroin, I can do anything!

–Outside School of Visual Arts

Tourist guy to tourist friends: Yeah, I remember when he went to school on shrooms, and then he went to the principal and told him that he was on shrooms.

–40th St & Madison Ave

Overheard by: Bones Jones

Father to daughter: Don't say "no" to drugs. Say "no, thank you."

–45th St & 5th Ave

Blonde Catholic schoolgirl: Maybe after we pop the E we'll roll over to 149th Street.

–Q88 Bus

Wednesday One-Liners Smell Like Victory

One Hispanic lady to another: How you gonna give a kid with stinky feet Botox?

–R Train

Overheard by: Ferna

Smelly granola girl on cell: I dunno, maybe Wilco is too big to have an opening act. The show was, like, two days ago. (stops, sniffs armpit and winces) Fuck, I need a serious shower. I haven't been home since the show. Doesn't that suck? When you forget to clean up after a few days? (laughs to herself)

–McCarren Park

Overheard by: AleKatz

Woman on cell: It smells like college!

–BrewFest, South Street Seaport

Office student: It literally smells like my ass.

–CCNY Computer Lab

Girl: Nigga, you smell like the crack in my titties.

–Q Train

Dude on cell: Man, she came six times last night. It was crazy! (pause) We were soaking wet, but I didn't mind. It was nice to see her enjoying it. (pause) No, it didn't smell. It didn't smell like anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: who are these people?

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