College girl #1: I was just about to slap that bitch of a bus driver, but then I remembered it’s a federal offense.
College girl #2: Federal? I think it’s only a state offense.
College girl #1: Dammit!
–123rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Julia G
College girl #1: I was just about to slap that bitch of a bus driver, but then I remembered it’s a federal offense.
College girl #2: Federal? I think it’s only a state offense.
College girl #1: Dammit!
–123rd & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Julia G
Short guy: You owe me money.
Hefty guy: I don’t owe you shit, Goldilocks! Don’t make me fucking slap you.
Short guy: I thought it was Erin Go Bragh, not Erin Go Fuck You Up.
–N train
Drunk Irish guy #1: So what are you ladies doing after this?
Drunk Irish girl #1: More bar hopping.
Drunk Irish guy #2: So you ladies into having some fun tonight?
Drunk Irish girl #2: What do you mean?
Drunk Irish guy #2: We could have one big drunken orgy.
Drunk Irish girl #2: Are you kidding me? Go blow out your ass, stupid.
Drunk Irish guy #2: OK, how about I feel those big tits?
Drunk Irish girl #1: You are an idiot.
Drunk Irish guy #2: Fuck you, you fat bitch.
The guys walk away.
Drunk Irish girl #3: Why did you have to say that for?
Drunk Irish girl #2: He was being a jerk.
Drunk Irish girl #3: But they are cute.
Drunk Irish girl #2: Yeah, you right.
–44th & 8th
Overheard by: kendra
Sort of drunk guy: You’re getting more beer? You can barely walk.
Really drunk guy: That’s no reason to stop drinking.
–Saint Mark’s Place & 3rd Ave.
Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.
–Washington Square North
Overheard by: Daniel
Young nanny to six-year-old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?
–76th St & Central Park West
Overheard by: Sonny
Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn't mean I won't backhand you.
–NYU Coles Sports Center
Overheard by: Maria
Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I'm saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you–and that's saying a lot!
–6th Ave & 13th St
Overheard by: Wemily
Young guy on cell: You're lucky I'm Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I'd be slapping you!
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Jobee
Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!
–Mercer & Broome
Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.
–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell's Kitchen
Guy on cell: No, no, man, she's Puerto Rican. I'm just sayin' she's Dominican 'cause it sounds hotter.
–105 St & Lexington
Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…
–CVS
Overheard by: Karen
Woman: I’m a real Star Trek fan. I particularly like this one guy, a Shakespearean actor — Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze?
–B train
Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where’d you go, Will?!
–Washington Square Park
Overheard by: Abram
Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the only time I ever wanted to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Rainey
Blonde on cell, walking dog, and wearing faux fur sweater: Yeah, Animal Fair… Like Vanity Fair, but with animals… It’s coming out soon… It’s going to be intimate — Sharon Stone and Emelio Estevez are going to be there!
–55th St & 9th Ave
Overheard by: francesca
Passerby: Martin Short? Is he still in that?
–Across street from Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me
Overheard by: Jeff of [tos]
Chick drops cocktail glass, breaking it.
Queer: If you didn’t look like Winona Ryder, I’d smack you.
–Ceilo nightclub
Middle-aged suit to another: You definitely don't want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose.
–46th & 3rd Ave
Overheard by: alexander
Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn't perverted, it's just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog's face or some shit.
–23rd & 10th
Overheard by: Matt
White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.
–M7 Bus
Overheard by: HarlemAllDay
Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don't never grow.
–27th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Katherine
Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!
–Chelsea
Overheard by: Sarah
Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares!
–Prospect Heights
Overheard by: Michael Barthel
Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking.
–F train
Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year.
–West 4th Street & 6th Avenue
Overheard by: Scott Hoffman
Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…”
–A train
Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat.
–Fine Fair, Avenue C
Overheard by: Catechist
Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we?
–6 train
Overheard by: Chris Mohney
Girl #1: Hey, how’re you doing?
Girl #2: Hey! Aren’t you–?
Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away screaming: You’re a fucking bitch!
Girl #2 on cell: Hello, Alex*? This is Diane*. I haven’t seen you in, like, three years, so could you please explain to me why your ex-girlfriend, whom I’ve never met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye.
–Starbucks, 4th & University
Overheard by: Chitin
Headline by: David Terrenoire
Runners-Up:
· “Girl, Interrupted” – Cooper Cheatham
· “I think it had to do with that one time my penis was in your vagina….” – ryan
· “Lucky to only get half the clap in return” – Brian A
· “Maybe Because You Still Have Me on Speed Dial After 3 years?” – Bobita
· “When Alibis Attack” – Barry Negrin
· “When you dump someone, you’re dumping everyone they’ve ever dumped.” – Ed Maudlin
· “You also might want to check on the pet rabbit” – will1966
Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20-something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I'm gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it's something ignorant or retarded, I'm gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?
–Times Square
Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say
Old guy #1: You want to slap me to death!
Old guy #2: No I don't! I'm not that kind of person!
–St. Mark's Place
