Wednesday One‐Liners Keep It in the Family

Guy on cell: Well, right now my brother and my girlfriend share a bedroom.

–Washington Square North

Overheard by: Daniel

Young nanny to six‐year‐old girl, crossing the street: What do you care about more, your brother or your scooter?

–76^th St & Central Park West

Overheard by: Sonny

Daughter to obnoxious mom: Just because you are a member of my family doesn’t mean I won’t backhand you.

–NYU Coles Sports Center

Overheard by: Maria

Man to woman, while crossing street: Look, all I’m saying is there are a lot of men who like your sister even more then they like you – and that’s saying a lot!

–6^th Ave & 13^th St

Overheard by: Wemily

Posted on November 12, 2022
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Cars and Driving, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Compare/Contrast, Family Ties, Girls, Guys, Horny, Infidelity, Kids, Men, Moms, NYU, On Cell, One-liners, Threats, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Washington Square Park, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Frases De Miercoles

Young guy on cell: You’re lucky I’m Colombian. If I was Ecuadorian, I’d be slapping you!

–Jackson Heights

Overheard by: Jobee

Angry man walking alone, to himself: I could have married a Dominican, but no, I decided not to!

–Mercer & Broome

Teen girl to friend: Your new Mexican is super creepy.

–On Line for the Colbert Report, Hell’s Kitchen

Guy on cell: No, no, man, she’s Puerto Rican. I’m just sayin’ she’s Dominican ’cause it sounds hotter.

–105 St & Lexington

Thug holding box of maxi pads: Yo, that motherfucker is like the gay Mexican Marlon Brando. Classic…

–CVS

Overheard by: Karen

Posted on October 3, 2019
All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, Foreigners, Friends, Gays and Lesbians, Girls, Guys, Manhattan, Marriage, Queens, Race, Soho, Store, Thugs

Wednesday One‐Liners Are Rumored to Be Involved with Jennifer Aniston

Woman: I'm a real Star Trek fan. I particularly like this one guy, a Shakespearean actor -- Patrick, uh, Patrick Swayze?

--B train

Loud guy on bike: Will gone up and left! Will Smith! Where'd you go, Will?!

--Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Abram

Suit on cell: I mean, it was maybe the only time I ever wanted to give Mark Wahlberg a blowjob.

--Penn Station

Overheard by: Rainey

Blonde on cell, walking dog, and wearing faux fur sweater: Yeah, Animal Fair... Like Vanity Fair, but with animals... It's coming out soon... It's going to be intimate -- Sharon Stone and Emelio Estevez are going to be there!

--55th St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: francesca

Passerby: Martin Short? Is he still in that?

--Across street from Martin Short: Fame Becomes Me

Overheard by: Jeff of [tos]

Chick drops cocktail glass, breaking it.

Queer: If you didn't look like Winona Ryder, I'd smack you.

--Ceilo nightclub

Posted on February 2, 2019
About Celebrities, All Wednesday One-Liners, Bitch-slap, TV, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

Wednesdsay Caniners

Middle‐aged suit to another: You definitely don’t want to be on the streets with three miniature Dachshunds on the loose.

–46^th & 3^rd Ave

Overheard by: alexander

Guy at dinner with friends: No, slapping her ass isn’t perverted, it’s just inappropriate. Perverted would be jerking off onto my dog’s face or some shit.

–23^rd & 10^th

Overheard by: Matt

White gay man to another: Every time I see a dog chained to a parking meter and the owner is like in the store, it makes me want to call the NAACP.

–M7 Bus

Overheard by: HarlemAllDay

Ghetto woman on cell: A Maltese dog. A Maltese! (pause) One of them little dogs that don’t never grow.

–27^th St & Broadway

Overheard by: Katherine

Flamboyant gay man to couple pushing bulldog in stroller: Oh my god! Your dog ate your baby!

–Chelsea

Overheard by: Sarah

Posted on June 25, 2018
Animals & Nature, Babies, Bitch-slap, Chelsea & the Meatpacking District, Masturbation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On the Bus

I’m Thankful for My Family

Little boy: Twain!
Mom: Yeah, yeah, train, Darniel, train. Nobody cares!

–Prospect Heights

Overheard by: Michael Barthel

Mother: Did you do these questions or was this the part you copied from the board in class?…What the fuck was that? Speak in actual words!
Little boy: This part was from the board and this part I did.
Mother: Don’t fucking lie to me. I’m gonna bust you in the mouth. Why didn’t you do your homework?…Did you look at yourself before we left the house? You look like fucking shit!
Little boy: I’m sorry.
Mother: Sorry looking.

–F train

Man on cell: You stupid little bitch!…That’s right I want a better report card next year.

–West 4^th Street & 6^th Avenue

Overheard by: Scott Hoffman

Teen girl: I’m not allowed to go home this weekend ’cause my father’s having one of his girlfriends over. He told me, “you’re gonna have to sleep somewhere else, because, uh, you know…”

–A train

Little girl: Mommy, what’re we getting?
Mommy: Pshh, I don’t know. You better figure out quick, you’re the one’s gotta eat.

–Fine Fair, Avenue C

Overheard by: Catechist

Boy: Did you get my Christmas list?
Dad: I don’t need your Christmas list.
Boy: I want a PSP. A portable Playstation.
Dad: I’m not gettin’ you video games.
Boy: Then I just want money.
Dad: You want my money, I want you to get good grades. Neither of us get what we want, do we?

–6 train

Overheard by: Chris Mohney

Posted on January 19, 2018
Anger Management, Bitch-slap, Family Ties, Food, Gifts, Insults, Kids, Parents, School and studying, Shopping, Violence, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

She’s Working Her Way through My Address Book. Today She’s on the Ds.

Girl #1: Hey, how’re you doing?
Girl #2: Hey! Aren’t you – ?
Girl #1 slaps girl #2, then runs away screaming: You’re a fucking bitch!
Girl #2 on cell: Hello, Alex*? This is Diane*. I haven’t seen you in, like, three years, so could you please explain to me why your ex‐girlfriend, whom I’ve never met, just slapped me and called me a bitch? Call me back, thanks, bye.

–Starbucks, 4^th & University

Overheard by: Chitin

Headline by: David Terrenoire

Runners‐Up:
· “Girl, Interrupted” — Cooper Cheatham
· “I think it had to do with that one time my penis was in your vagina.…” — ryan
· “Lucky to only get half the clap in return” — Brian A
· “Maybe Because You Still Have Me on Speed Dial After 3 years?” — Bobita
· “When Alibis Attack” — Barry Negrin
· “When you dump someone, you’re dumping everyone they’ve ever dumped.” — Ed Maudlin
· “You also might want to check on the pet rabbit” — will1966

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Posted on March 11, 2016
Bitch-slap, Girlfriends, Headline Contest Winners

If Only the Production Crew Of The Hills Could Do This

Hyper teenage blonde: Hey, know what I just realized?
20‐something blonde sister: Okay, wait. In the interest of saving time, I’m gonna pull my hand back like so before you start talking. Now you can go ahead and say what you wanted to say, but just know that if it’s something ignorant or retarded, I’m gonna slap you out of your shoes and right off the sidewalk, and then keep slapping you until we get home. Is whatever you want to say worth it?
(long pause)
Hyper teenage blonde: No?

–Times Square

Overheard by: Really want to know what she was gonna say

Posted on January 10, 2016
Bitch-slap, Family Ties, Girls, Questions, Sisters, Teens, Threats, Time, Times Square, Weirdness

As I Learned from That Last Facebook Quiz

Old guy #1: You want to slap me to death!
Old guy #2: No I don’t! I’m not that kind of person!

–St. Mark’s Place

Posted on June 12, 2015
Bitch-slap, Death, Old People, Union Square and East Village, Wishes & desires

It’s Wednesday One‐Liners, Paleface!

Guy to friend: When Obama wins, I’m going to slap a white person.

–Central Park Bench

Overheard by: Lane

Lady getting sprayed with perfume by her friend: Stop. Stop it! You gonna make me smell like white people.

–East Drive, Prospect Park

Overheard by: White smelly jogger

Black gay man sans shirt, upon seeing group of white girls wandering: Oh my god, white girls! Oh, I didn’t mean it like that.

–Christopher St

Gentleman walking past Miss Mamie’s Spoonbread Too restaurant: Man, black people eating tofu, white people eating spoonbread…

–W 110^th & Columbus

Gingy, referring to ebony colored condoms: This way, when I fuck a white boy he’ll still be black!

–E Broadway 99 Cent Store

Black lady in african garb: Too many white flower! Need more black power! (the only white girl around looks up confusedly, now black lady screams in her face) White flower!

–125^th & Adam Clayton Powell

Overheard by: Ruby

Posted on June 4, 2015
All Wednesday One-Liners, Anger Management, Bitch-slap, Black People, Brooklyn, Central Park, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Food, Friends, Ghetto Chicks, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Lower East Side, Men, One-liners, Parks, President, Queer guys, Race, Sensory Experiences, Sex, Street, Weirdness, West Village, Women

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