Girl #1: Oh my god! What happened to your face?!
Girl #2, with black eye: I got pimp-slapped.
Girl #1: What does that mean?
Girl #2: You know, like when a ho gets out of line, her pimp backhands her. You know, like “bitch, where's my money?!” (pauses) Smack!
Girl #1: What? You were slapped by a pimp?
Girl #2, annoyed: No! Ugghh, Derek* hit me!
Girl #1: I don't get it, I thought he was a lawyer.
Girl #2: You are such a fucking idiot… You're buying me lunch.
–Chelsea
Guy: I didn't realize your true nature till you slapped me in the face.
Girl: Right.
–Astoria
Overheard by: Natalie
Elderly lady to coughing woman sitting across the room: Do you have something in your throat? Cuz I could slap it out for you.
–Doctor's Waiting Room
Old lady to pharmacy tech: Yeah, I always have an ice cream cone when I see the truck. It's such a nice treat. (pauses) Plus, you never know–this could be my last one.
–Jackson Heights
Overheard by: Queens Newsbunny
Very old frail-looking woman leaving crowded train: Goddamned people and their fucking backpacks!
–6 Train
Old man on cell: Hello? (pause) I'm at the crack shack. (pause) Well, you look like a raccoon. (pause) This is the first I've been outside all year!
–Madison Square Park
Old Jewish woman, in Russian: My grandchildren are total fucks.
–Coney Island
Girl to guy she's been talking to for last half hour: Half the time I'm talking to you I wanna slap you.
Guy: Then why do you talk to me?
–St. John's University
Mom to friend, as baby makes screeching sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I didn't do drugs while I was pregnant with her. But I did have quite a few raspberry martinis before I knew I was knocked up.
–Belmont Park Race Track
20-something woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don't care she pregnant, her face ain't pregnant.
–Staten Island Ferry
Overheard by: Mike
Ghetto baby momma: And it was like I was giving birth on the toilet!
–Belmont Ave & 188th St
Overheard by: Toomuchinformation
Doctor to patient: You're not pregnant, you just have gas.
–W 204th St
Overheard by: JMS
Little girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I'm, like, "that's why you're fucking pregnant"!
–Central Park
20-something man walking into restaurant: I'd never bring my grandmother here for a date!
–27th & Lexington
Teen: That shit was sick! That shit was sick! I wanna go home and slap my grandmother!
–94th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Slapped her how?
Ghetto dude in fight with girlfriend: Your grandmother is a bitch!
–Murray St & Church St
Guy to friend: My grandma used to chase us around with fly swatters…
–Houston & Allen
Professor: Let's take a poll: who thinks I am gay?
–Lehman College
Flamboyant gay guy to butch gay guy: You, like, sneeze glitter. That's how gay you are!
–9th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: TR
Daughter to sobbing mother: Mom! Seriously, stop! I'm going to slap you. (mom continues sobbing) I'm not gay! Relax, okay?
–New Utrecht High School
Overheard by: Straight girl
Tween girl to friend: He's 17 years old and he doesn't have any kids? What? Is he gay?
–A Train
Teenage boy: Even if it's with a girl, it's still gay.
–L Train
Overheard by: Sean
Teen #1: I'm a thug.
Teen #2: You ain't a thug. You got one minute to tell me why you a thug.
Teen #1, stammering: One, um, once an old lady asked me for some change at the bus stop and I slapped her.
Teen #2: That makes you a pussy, not a thug, nigga. 50 seconds…
–Bx8 Bus
Young European man: New York girls do not like to have doors held open for them.
Young European woman: New York girls either want to slap you or go to bed with you. Nothing in between.
–A Train
Crazy guy (inexplicably overjoyed): Heyyyyy! White people!
–1 Train
Gay black man on cell: She is such a delicate white cunt, she can't raise her own child. She needs a Jamaican man to do it.
–45th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Kristy Magyar
Angry black guy: I swear to god I'm bout to start slappin' white people.
–Union Station
Overheard by: scared white guy
White English guy to Anglo-Filipino chick: I don't think we'll be welcome there because we're white.
–Nostrand & St. Mark's, Brooklyn
Black guy: Man, I love white people, and I never shot anybody!
–Times Square
Panicked child: Mommy, why are there so many white people here?
–Rockefeller Christmas Tree Lighting
