Gripes

Woman: Every time I try to explain it to you, you don’t understand–
Man: I’m killing your dreams?

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Sean Schuyler

A dog pees on a hipster’s leg.

Hipster: Dude! That is so not cool!

–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint

Overheard by: Didi Hylobates

Homeboy: I don’t discriminate. If anyone messes with my family, or my kids, I’m taking their life.

–Bx21 bus

Overheard by: Fiona

Chick on cell: I don’t know…I think I’m in Queens. The train’s above ground…I lost my keys and I have to be at work in 45 minutes. I’ll guess I’ll go in the same clothes…I don’t know what he does. I think something at night, though. I took his money.

–7 train

Girl on cell: That’s very nice to diagnose yourself like that but, really, fuck you…I still think you’re, like, a sociopath or something.

–6th Ave. between 50th & 51st

Guy on cell: You’ve got the best job: being a mom.

–42nd between 6th & Madison

Woman: …maybe because I got my period in the 4th grade and looked like everybody’s mother by the 6th grade. I was huge.

–27th street office

Mom: Now, this is not the Louvre, so don’t be jaded or anything.

–Brooklyn Museum

Overheard by: Cat Pop

Drunk: If a woman hadda right to choose where I come from, I wouldn’t be here today!

–Odessa Cafe, Avenue A

Overheard by: Ted Lattis

Chick: I saw my mother on stage in underwear and a bra with motorized tassels…

–13th & 5th

Overheard by: Caroline Norris

Construction guy: That Barney Rubble, he’s some actor.

–South Street Seaport bar

Overheard by: Keith McCarthy

Guy: She’s a spoiled rotten brat. She’s rich as shit and gets everything she wants. It fucking pisses me off. I can’t stand her…the only reason I know all this is ’cause I hang out with her like 24 hours a day.

–1 train

Hobo: Hillary Clinton and Pee-Wee Herman are Democrats! I am a Republican!

–12th St. & 7th Ave.

Overheard by: Caroline N

Tourist woman: I had no idea the Guggenheim Museum was so cheesy looking. What’s it made out of? Is that papier mache or something?
Tourist man: Well, I remember reading somewhere that Frank Lloyd Wright really was a nut.

–5th Ave. & 88th St.

Overheard by: Galen Chistopher

B&T Guy #1: It’s easy. All you gotta do is give her 20 bucks.
B&T Guy #2: Then she jerks you off after she’s done?
B&T Guy #1: I wish!

–Banshee Pub, 74th & 1st

Overheard by: Michael

Yuppie #1: …yeah, those girls don’t want just 20 bucks.
Yuppie #2: Yep, no such thing as free sex in Vietman.

–Maritime Hotel, 9th Ave.

Overheard by: Chaser

Customer: I see barley, but no beef.
Cafeteria worker: The beef has been melted into it.

–MSKCC cafeteria

Man: Did you just cut me in line?
Girl: I’m sorry sir, I just–
Man: Oh yes you did. Gosh, I hate New York.

–DB Bistro Moderne, W. 44th St.

Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.

–Bakery, 70th & Lex