High school girl to friend: You know what I hate? Cocks.
Friend: I know! They're so annoying.


Girl, about guy she had over the previous night: It freaked me out. I told him he had to do a double flush, a courtesy flush, and light a match, or he wasn’t allowed back.

Overheard by:

20-something woman #1: I have mixed feelings about this bar and grill.
20-something man: I hate this bar and grill.
20-something woman #2: I'm gonna burn down this bar and grill!

Las Vegas, Nevada

Tired-looking girl to security officer: Are you the guy who’s going to burn my taco?

Dallas-Fort Worth Airport

Girl to friend: I can’t believe I fell asleep next to your vagina. I woke up and my face was next to your brick wall. [Kisses friend.] I love your brick wall.

Caribou Coffee
Chicago, Illinois

Overheard by: Bardley

Blonde girl entering the cafeteria: These lines are so long! Thank god I decided to be anorexic!

Mary Washington University
Fredericksburg, Virginia

Overheard by: waiting in line

Lady: When I was on morphine I told them I liked Pearl Jam. I hate Pearl Jam!

Eat ‘N’ Park
Sewickley, Pennsylvania

Mom: No, Joshua, put it down.
Five-year-old boy: No!
Mom: Put it down this instant, or you are going to be in big trouble, mister.
Five-year-old boy: No!
Mom: Drop it!
Five-year-old boy: Dammit, Kathy, I’m tired of your crap!

Walnut Creek, California

Brat: There’s no real chocolate bars in this vending machine. Stupid healthy people!

Drunk guy on cell: Hey, this is Eric*. Just calling to see how you were doing at three in the morning. [To chick passerby] Hey! I saw you tonight at the club!
Angry drunk chick: Get away from me!
Drunk guy on cell, into phone: What the fuck is up with every girl on campus thinking I want to rape them? Just because I’m drunk doesn’t mean I’m a fucking pervert.

University of Missouri-Columbia
Columbia, Missouri

Overheard by: Caesar22