Hetard: What did you do that for?
Shetard: Because I love you.
Hetard: Why do you love me?
Shetard: If I have to answer that again this week, I will shoot myself.
–Port Authority
Hetard: What did you do that for?
Shetard: Because I love you.
Hetard: Why do you love me?
Shetard: If I have to answer that again this week, I will shoot myself.
–Port Authority
Guy: Why do you always have to be a ho?
Girl: I’m good at it.
Guy: Why can’t you do other things you’re good at? Head, yes. Ho, no.
–Lit Lounge, 2nd Avenue
Overheard by: kepler
Girlfriend: So let me get this straight, you think that God used the tiger to punish Roy?
Boyfriend: I think it’s possible.
Girlfriend: I can’t believe I’m dating you. What’s wrong with you, you have gay friends.
Boyfriend: Whoa, do you think I’m some sort of right-wing nut? I have no problem with gays. God punished him for dabbling in the black arts.
Girlfriend: Oh…huh?
–LaGuardia
Overheard by: Peter Lucas
Hipster girl: Baby what’s that smell? Is that your feet?
Hipster boy: What? I don’t know, probably.
Hipster girl: Oh my god. The smell, I can’t take it.
Hipster boy: It doesn’t smell as bad as the old cooter did the other night when we were screwing. You didn’t hear me say anything when you shoved my face into that crockpot of bacteria.
–F train
Overheard by: Gracelyn
Guy: Bitch took everything…my watch, my ring, the ring she bought
me…she took the ring I bought her. She came and took everything.
Baby carriage lady: I told that bitch go ahead, take everything, she could have all that. ’cause you know what? I have your
husband.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: remyzero
A boyfriend and girlfriend are making out publicly. She stares at his crotch.
Girlfriend: I think I see a suspicious package…
Boyfriend: Ooh, do you wanna detonate it?
Girlfriend: Well damn, not on the train, babe!
–2 train
Guy: I touched your eyeball, doesn’t that mean I love you?
Girl: Touch it again!
Guy: No you freak!
–N/W Broadway station
Boyfriend: Fucking tourists!
Girlfriend: Seriously!
Boyfriend: Let’s go to J&R.
Girlfriend: It’s Saturday.
Boyfriend: Fucking Orthodox!
–Century 21, Cortlandt Street
Overheard by: Joe Baranello
Woman: Every time I try to explain it to you, you don’t understand–
Man: I’m killing your dreams?
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Sean Schuyler
Girl: You need more to do. Want to look for a cool coffee table for me?
Guy: What kind? Wood, metal, glass, bamboo, brick?
Girl: I’m not sure. I thought round, wood at first but now I think maybe something more funky like mosaic.
Guy: Why not make one? Then it could be round wood with a mosaic on it.
Girl: But that requires effort on my part.
Guy: So what? It would be fun and worthwhile, you know, instead of putting makeup on HIV people.
–49th & 6th
Overheard by: Scott
