Couples

Boyfriend: So, my buddy’s celebrating Rosh Hashanah tomorrow, and he said he’ll bring me some matzah ball soup.
Girlfriend: He’s celebrating what? And giving you what?
Boyfriend: Some Jewish holiday. Some Jewish food.
Girlfriend: Ah.

–2 train

Overheard by:

Guy: It’s just that, well, fucking you didn’t live up to my fantasy of fucking you.
Girl, after long pause: Yeah, I guess I can understand that…

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: Devin

Boyfriend holding up slutty top: What about this one?
Girlfriend: If you were a girl you’d be the biggest skank in New York.

–Charlotte Russe, Manhattan Mall, 33rd & 6th

Headline by: Scott

Runners-Up:

· “And knock the Statue of Liberty right off that pedestal.” – LORI

· “But at least it flatters my man-boobs” – Andrew

· “I learned from the best” – Breanne S.

· “Putting the “Ho” back in “Homeboy”” – cinekat

· “What She Doesn’t Know Won’t Hurt Her” – Alison R.


Click here to see the new Headline Contest

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

Chick: So, David*, do you long for the protective touch of a man?
Guy: I’m your boyfriend.
Chick: So? Sometimes I think you long for a strong man to hold you and shelter you…
Guy: Goddammit, I am not gay!

–6 train

Aging rocker: I love you, baby face.
Drunk wife, endearingly: Fuck my tits.

–R Train

Overheard by: erak

Girlfriend: So, my Christopher is a little feminine sometimes…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shaving this morning!
Dude: Yeah, but shaving what, is the question.
Girlfriend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yesterday.
Dude, disgusted: I was talking about your legs, but thanks…

–Hershey’s store, Times Square

Overheard by: equally disgusted

Street vendor: T-shirts, get your “I love New York” t-shirts! Only three dollars. Much better than you'd normally get at a store. T-shirts, get your t-shirts!
20-something guy to girlfriend: Too expensive, babe. Sorry.
Vendor to guy: Yeah, well your girlfriend can have one for free because of how amazing she was last night.

–Times Square

Overheard by: i LOVE new york

Hipster dude: … And she ended up renting some movie about Madame Curie.
Hipster chick: That’s the wax lady, right? Over at Times Square? I didn’t know there was a movie about her.
Hipster dude: I hate you.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Red Genesis

Man: I love your mom.
Woman: What?! No you don’t!
Man: I always speak well of her.
Woman: No, you don’t.
Man: I don’t say, ‘I gave your mom 20 bucks for a cab home last night.’ I don’t say, ‘Tell your mom to stop changing her lipstick — my dick looks like a rainbow.’ I don’t say, ‘After meeting your mom, all my friends have herpes.’ In fact, I don’t say anything rude at all.
Woman, cell ringing: It’s mom calling.

–Union Square

Overheard by: Dave