Teen girl #1: I’m going to Delaware this weekend. Fucking Delaware!
Teen girl #2: It’s not that bad, Delaware’s cool.
Teen girl #1: No, it’s not. Delaware’s like…a booger in the nose of America, a pimple on the chin of the USA, a snaggletooth in the smile of–
Teen girl #2: OK, we get it. You hate Delaware.
–1 train
Woman #1: So it was great to see you again!
Woman #2: I know, you too!
Woman #1: Now I forgot, where are you going on vacation again?
Woman #2: Oh, just up to Vermont. We’re going to see a psychiatrist.
–Broadway and Waverly
Girl: I grew up in Sioux City, Iowa.
Guy: Oh, I’ve never been to Iowa…but I’ve been to Idaho.
–Williamsburg party
Overheard by: James G
Teenage Girl #1: How much longer?
Teenage Girl #2: I think 3 more stops, then we get the L train.
Teenage Girl #1: You kidding me? It’s taking forever, I feel like we’re in Connecticut!
–C train
Yuppie on cell cutting long line, to cashier: I’d like to buy some cookies.
Cashier: Um, the line starts back there, sir.
Yuppie, into cell: I hate the fucking East Side. Everyone thinks they’re hot shit. I can’t figure out this fucking line — all I want to do is buy some fucking cookies… New Jersey is my destiny.
–Bakery, 70th & Lex
Black guy: Where you from?
Tourist: Maryland.
Black guy: Cool. I’ve seen The Wire. I know how you guys get down.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Alex
Drunk guy: Where are you from, man?
Random guy: Arizona.
Drunk guy: Arizona… Arizona, Nevada?
Random guy: No… Arizona, Arizona.
Drunk guy: Oh, but… Nevada is a section of Arizona right?
Random guy: No. Nevada is Nevada.
Drunk guy: I’ve been to Wisconsin.
–E Train
Overheard by: Noble Robinette
Douchebag college student to girl: The cop looked at my ID and said "Come on, Mr California!" and I was like: "Mr California? Come on! I’ve been here for like four months!"
–G Train
Overheard by: Guy who puts 4 months to shame
Jersey girl: I don’t do Arkansas.
–Tram to Roosevelt Island
Eight-year-old to uncle: Please don’t move to Connecticut… It’s too hard to spell!
–38th & 2nd Ave
Aging queen to record store clerk: Oivia Newton-John’s fine and all, but she’s like 55 and living in Connecticut, so she lost her edge.
–Rebel Rebel Records: Bleecker and Christopher st.
Suit on cell: Do they make you sterile? Can you have sex? When you’re on the pills, can you have sex? You should go to Utah. They have great sex in Utah. The Mormons are famous for it. I think we should have easter dinner at 4.30 at Fekkai’s.
–43rd St between Madison & 5th
Black man, pulling up his pants while being chased out of the library by two Hispanic security guards: I’m sick of dem Hispanics, man! I’m sick of ’em! I love California.
–New York Public Library, 42nd St branch
Overheard by: Jason
Little boy: Are you from Florida?
Southern man: No, Tennessee, why?
Little boy: You sound like a cowgirl.
Southern man: I really don’t think Florida has any cowgirls.
Little boy: Well, you still sound like one.
–Nelson Ave & 168th St
Freshman #1: Let’s not kid ourselves — the men who shop at Sears do not care what the underwear looks like on other men.
Freshman #2: Sears catalogs are only for straight boys in North Dakota to masturbate to.
Freshman #1: In North Dakota, even the Internet has no porn.
–F train
