U.S. Geography

We Will Now Begin the Sing‐Along Portion Of Our Flight

Flight attendant: Ladies and gentlemen, I’d like to welcome you aboard JetBlue flight 1024 with nonstop service to Boston. Before we depart, I would like to take the time and make sure that everyone is on the right flight — we don’t want people finding out that they’re going to the wrong city after we shut the cabin doors. Is everyone here going to Boston? [Silence.] I said, is everyone here going to Boston?
Passengers: Yes!
Flight attendant: Thank you. You have to answer me, people!

–JetBlue flight, JFK

Although We All Start Out That Way

Biotech #1: He hired this blonde girl from Chicago… with pageant hair!
Biotech #2: Ew. Pageant hair? Hello, this is New York City. We aren’t blonde, and we aren’t perky!

–6 train

Well, What Do I Know about Foreign Capitals?

Hipster boy: That’s why they call this the windy city?
Hipster girl: This isn’t the windy city — that’s Seattle!

–PATH train, E 9th St

Overheard by: POOP!

Yesterday’s Poem About Doing Lines with Tara Reid at Bungalow 8 Was Enough Poetry for the Whole Week

Little girl, reading aloud: I went to Malibu. I was talking trash with Tom Collins.
Mom: Baby, I said I don’t want to hear your poem today!

–1 train, 137th St

Like, 90% Of the Kansas Population Is Just Cardboard Cutouts

(two 30‐something white guys coming back from the gym on Saturday night)
Guy #1: I mean, New York is real. Boston is real. Everywhere else in America, it isn’t real.
Guy #2: Totally.

–W 82nd & Broadway

Do You Want to Hear About the Ass Sex, or Not?

Woman: I think she’s Russian. No wait, I think she is from Tennessee, yeah she’s like this poor girl from Tennessee. So anyways, she goes to the Hamptons… Wait now I remember, she is from Utah; she’s Mormon. That’s it. So she goes to the Hamptons and meets this guy…
Man: Wait a minute, what’s a Russian Mormon doing in the Hamptons?
Woman, annoyed: [groan]

–Whole Foods Columbus Circle

Go Back to Your Third World Country!

Woman: I don’t know about this one, it’s not so Nebraska.

–Anthropology

Did You Get All Your Immunizations First?

Girl #1: Yeah, but you were too far away this weekend.
Girl #2: I was in Queens!

–59th St & Lexington

Overheard by: MTina

The Time Traveler is Genuinely Disoriented

Guy: You go ahead, take that seat.
Girl: No, that’s okay, I’m getting off soon.
Guy: So am I! Take it.
Hobo: What’s all this nicey‐nice bullshit? Where are we, fucking Michigan? Fucking England?

–1 train

Overheard by: Emily Borgen 

Wednesday One‐Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade.”

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

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