Wednesday One-Liners Hope the Building Doesn’t Go Condo

Father to young son: We’ll get an apartment in Kentucky. Then you’ll only have to go to school through 6th grade."

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Dashing Dan

Jewy girl on cell: He’s an apartment broker?… Last time you said he dealt with hedge funds… Yea, I don’t think they are the same thing.

–21st St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Lezbotron

Guy: Well, my week has been interesting. Last month Meredith tried to sublet my apartment right out from under me. So, this week I went through her stuff and mailed her boyfriend –wait no, fiancé– a receipt from when she got an abortion last summer.

–10th & 1st

Overheard by: ED

Reasonable cop: Even though it’s a stinkin friggin apartment, he’s got a place to put his ugly fuckin head.

–Dunkin Donuts, Woodside, Queens

Twink #1 to twink #2: I believe in my heart of hearts that I should live in an apartment like the ones in Woody Allen movies.

–50th St & 9th Ave

Conductor on very crowded F train: Those of you with very small apartments will appreciate them now.

–F Train

Overheard by: da sarkastik ninja.

Posted on September 11, 2021
Abortion, All Wednesday One-Liners, Compare/Contrast, Cops, Education, Girls, Guys, Home, Sweet Home, Insults, Jews, Movies, Murray Hill and Gramercy, On Cell, On the Subway, Public Transportation, Queens, Queer guys, Questions, Relationships, Restaurants & Cafes, School and studying, Subway conductors, Trains Not Subway, U.S. Geography, Union Square and East Village, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wishes & desires

I’m Demoting You to Provisionally-Exclusive

20-ish girl: Dammit, why aren’t you coming to my party?
20-ish guy: I told you — I have to go to DC that night with my family.
20-ish girl: How am I going to show off my terribly attractive boyfriend to all my other less-attractive boyfriends if you’re not going to be there?!

–L train

Posted on July 28, 2021
Beauty, Celebrations/Parties, Couples, Family Ties, On the Subway, Relationships, U.S. Geography

I Can Only Tell You How Far Things Are From Maryland

Lady: ‘Scuse me, sir. Can you tell me how to get to Baltimore?
Man: That’s in Maryland
Lady: Damn.

–Times Square

Posted on July 20, 2021
Directions, Idiots, Men, Times Square, U.S. Geography, Women

It’s Even Funnier If They Had

Doorman: Where is the building you’re looking for?
Lady: It’s on 40th.
Doorman: 40th and what?
Lady: I’m almost positive they said between Sixth and Avenue of the Americas.

–40th between 5th & 6th

Overheard by: conor hogan

Posted on March 28, 2021
Clerks, Directions, Idiots, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Questions, Stupidity, Talking/Convos, U.S. Geography, Women

In the Hearts and Minds of Everyone in New York

Girl #1: So he went to Louisiana for college and he was evacuated! I was like, “Ha! You had to leave the country the day you got there!”
Girl #2: State. Louisiana’s a state.
Girl #1: Really? Where is it?

–Boardwalk, Coney Island

Posted on February 27, 2021
Coney Island, Girls, Stupidity, U.S. Geography

People from Manhattan Are Loud for Good Reason

Little girl: Daddy, why did that car just honk?
Father: Because they were from Jersey. (pause) People from Jersey are loud for no apparent reason.

–38th St & 3rd Ave

Overheard by: Rosey

Posted on December 21, 2020
Cars and Driving, Dads, Default, Etiquette, Girls, Insults, Kids, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Questions, U.S. Geography

Wheresday One-Liners

NYU guy to tourist friends: Well, here's Grand Central!

–Broadway & Waverly

Guy on Sidekick to another: I wasn't sure if he was talking about Buffalo or Baltimore! I mean, I don't even know where Buffalo is! Is it a state?

–1 Train

Overheard by: amalthya

Ditzy girl sobbing on cell: You don't understand! They told me I was supposed to go to Penn Station but I just don't know where that is!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: queenofscots

Guy on cell: I don't get it–why go all the way to Ireland if you're not going to go see Stonehenge?

–Costco, Brooklyn

Girlfriend to boyfriend: Is this Times Square?

–85th & 1st

Overheard by: Special K

Posted on December 6, 2020
Ahhh! Real New Yorkers, All Wednesday One-Liners, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Couples, Crying, Friends, Girlfriends, Girls, Global Geography, Guys, Lies, NYC Geography, On Cell, On the Subway, One-liners, Only in New York, Penn Station, Questions, Store, Street, Stupidity, The Village, Tourism, Tourists, Travel, U.S. Geography, Upper West Side & Lincoln Center, Wednesday One-Liners

“…but mostly, I’m grateful for emphysema.”

Guy #1: Hard to believe it’s Thanksgiving already.
Guy #2: Next week.
Guy #1: How much do cigarettes cost in Florida?

–Ranch 1, Times Square

Posted on November 17, 2020
Friends, Holidays, Money & Class, Restaurants & Cafes, Times Square, U.S. Geography

It’s Like Being Erased from the Book of the Universe

Young woman: How many children do you have?
Old woman: Two… well, I had three, but one moved to Florida.

–Doctor’s office, 166 E. 63rd

Posted on October 21, 2020
Kids, Office, Old People, Parents, U.S. Geography

The United States of Wednesday One-liners

Hobo: You want to know why America is the land of free? Go to jail; free food, free bed.

–53rd & Madison

Overheard by: Ramblin Bradley Scott

Guy on cell: I’m just so sick of hearing about Gaza. So many people getting shot…it just sounds like LA.

–86th & CPW

Girl: “AKA” means “otherwise known as.” This is America!

–23 Street C station

Hipster guy on cell: How’s Delaware?…Aw, I’m sorry…Your grandma what?…Ew!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: Shawn Chesterfield

Hobo: I wish all of America was in Jordan.

–Stuyvesant Park

Woman: …It’s not the money I’m worried about, it’s just that
Hoboken taxi drivers are shitheads.

–Office, 50th & 6th

Woman on cell: …and I mean, where the fuck am I supposed to find a hooker? This isn’t Las Vegas!

–54th & 6th

Overheard by: Eface

Tourist man: One way ticket to Hewston please.

–50th Street 1 station

Turbaned white guy: Well, obviously I’m American, but my preferred religion is Punjabi.

–Union Square

Overheard by: misha

Suit: Hawaii is so boring! There’s nothing to do but stay calm.

–52nd & Lexington

Girl: Have you been to the rest of the country? The rest of the country is not New York. They obviously don’t know anything about fashion.

–Shea Stadium

Posted on October 13, 2020
All Wednesday One-Liners, U.S. Geography, Wednesday One-Liners, Wednesday One-Liners Vary

U.S. Geography