Tourist woman #1: I’d like to speak to a nun.
Receptionist lady: The nuns don’t talk to the public. You can meet with a priest. He’ll be available in an hour. Is anything wrong?
Tourist woman #1: We were going up for communion and the minister asked my friend if she was Catholic.
Receptionist lady: Is she Catholic?
Tourist woman #2: I’m Methodist. We take communion too.
— St. Patrick’s Cathedral Rectory
Overheard by: Traveler Bill
Guy: Whenever I tell anyone I’m from San Francisco, they always ask
me if I’m gay. Yes, I’m gay, and my mom is gay, and my dad is gay too!
Girl: I’m from San Francisco as well.
–Beacon’s Closet, Williamsburg
Tourist guy: …Huh. What religion are you, anyway?
Hasidic guy: Um…I’m Jewish.
Tourist guy: Oh. Do you like America?
–L train
Tourist woman #1: This is a really quaint neighborhood!
Tourist woman #2: Yeah, but it’s really expensive. A small one-bedroom apartment is like $1,000 a month!
Tourist woman #1: Oh, my! Why would someone pay that?
–Bleecker & 11th
Tourist girl #1: It’s like the Space Needle, only with wire.
Tourist girl #2: And red.
–Coney Island
Overheard by: Lindsey Moore
Tourist man #1: We can probably find it at a Wal-Mart.
Tourist man #2: Yeah, Wal-Mart.
Tourist man #1: So let’s just keep walking until we find one. Keep your eyes open.
Tourist man #3: Well, in any case, we shouldn’t keep standing here on this corner looking at this map. We’ll get mugged.
–30th & 7th
Girl: Excuse me, can you tell me how to get to Little Italy?
Man: You’re standing in it.
Girl: But isn’t this still Chinatown?
Man: Yeah, it’s that too.
–Mulberry & Grand
Overheard by: The Fever
Tourist lady: Does this N train go Kings Highway?
Teen girl: Yeah, it goes to Kings Highway.
Tourist lady: Does it go to the Q-line Kings Highway?
Teen girl: It goes to the N-line Kings Highway.
–Union Square station
Tourist girl: Is that the fake Statue of Liberty?
NYC girl: Yeah, the real one is in Jersey.
–Battery Park
Overheard by: weenie
Tourist guy: Yo, where’s the main road around here?
NY guy: Huh? Main road?
Tourist guy: Yeah, you know, the main drag. I don’t know where the fuck I am, so I figure I’ll find the main road and go from there.
NY guy: Well, where are you trying to go?
Tourist guy: Just the main fucking road, man. Where’s that?
NY guy: This is New York. They’re pretty much all main roads. I mean, look at the traffic.
Tourist guy: They can’t all be main roads.
NY guy: OK. What about Broadway?
Tourist guy: I was just on Broadway. There’s nothing there. Where’s Times Square?
NY guy: It’s right on Broadway.
Tourist guy: No, it’s not, dude! I was just there and there’s nothing there!
NY guy: OK, look. You wanna get to Times Square?
Tourist guy: At least that would be something.
NY guy: Fine. Turn around and walk back to Broadway–
Tourist guy: I don’t want to go on Broadway! What’s over there?
NY guy: The East River. The U.N.
Tourist guy: Fuck that.
–38th & 5th
