Wednesday One‐Glove‐Liners

20‐something female shopkeeper to coworker, as Michael Jackson’s “Rock with You” plays on the radio: Did you hear he’s sick? Apparently, he’s in the hospital. I know, it’s crazy. Can you imagine if he dies? If he dies, that’ll be, like, the most awful thing to happen to America in years!

–Pet Food Store

Overheard by: Nathalie

Suit on cell: What if Michael Jackson sucking your dick was the cure for cancer?

–8^th & Broadway

Man, lighting cigarette: So what’d he die from? A sunburn?

–Chambers St. & West Broadway

Middle aged black lady on cell: If you can get Michael Jackson on a condom box it would definitely sell.

–MacDougal & 8^th St

Nine‐year‐old boy, pointing to a newspaper article, to younger sister: Oh yeah, that guy? He was fifty. He used to be a black guy but made himself become white.

–Canal & Orchard, Chinatown

Overheard by: Lauren T.

Large tattooed man, discussing Michael Jackson: One of those kids is his; the other two can’t be, they’re white. They were all unofficially inseminated, though.

–Delancey & Essex

Posted on May 27, 2023
About Celebrities, Age/Aging, All Wednesday One-Liners, BJs, Black People, Brothers, Cancer, Chinatown, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Condoms, Coworkers, Death, Fat People, Health and Hygiene, Illness, Kids, Lower East Side, Men, Music, On Cell, One-liners, Penis, Pregnancy & Birth Control, Questions, Race, Sisters, Store, Street, Stupidity, Suits, The Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Wednesday One-Liners, Weirdness, Women

Wednesday Hearts One‐Liners

White trash woman to angry boyfriend: Stop! I’m in my car and I love myself! I love myself! Fuck you if you don’t love yourself! Tyra says to love yourself, and I love myself!

–49^th & 11^th

Conductor: Passengers, as you all know the New Haven line is known as the Love Line, because of our red colors and red schedules. For Valentine’s Day why not buy a loved one a ticket? Nothing says “I love you” like a Metro North ticket! Imagine the look on your mother‐in‐law’s face when she opens up her present to find a one way trip to Manhattan!

–Metro North Train

Sorority girl: And this is a list of all the girls who love Jell‑o.

–St. John’s University

Overheard by: Peter G

Guy on Bluetooth: What did I say? I said I love you and you didn’t fucking say anything back. What the fuck am I supposed to do with that?

–Jackson Heights

Excited black guy to friend: Damn! I think I’m in love, she’s like the whole package! She’s pretty, she’s fuckable, and she can cook!

–A Train

Overheard by: Tim

Little boy leaving the church: Bye, Jesus! I love you!

–Riverside Church

Overheard by: Stephanie

Posted on April 14, 2023
All Wednesday One-Liners, Always Bringing it Back to You!, Beauty, Black People, Boyfriends, Brooklyn, Cars and Driving, College, Colors, Conductors, Food, Friends, Gifts, Guys, Harlem & Morningside Heights, Insults, Jesus, Kids, Love, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, On the Subway, One-liners, Passengers, Psychology, Public Transportation, Questions, Sorority Girls, Trains Not Subway, Wednesday One-Liners, White Trash

Wait a Minute– Are You the Creepy Guy?

Annoyed woman: And then there’s that one guy, that creepy guy who’s always harassing me.
Confused man: Who?
Annoyed woman: That guy, he’s really pale.
Confused man: Oh, is this the albino guy?
Annoyed: No, no, the albino guy is cool. It’s that film student.
Confused man: The guy who works at Anderson’s?
Annoyed woman: No, that’s the other one. He’s all right, that guy’s all right.

–R Train

Overheard by: Hannah

Posted on February 13, 2023
Colors, Harassment, Men, On the Subway, Physical appearance, Questions, Women

Which Goes Well with My Skin

Girl wearing leggings as pants: I love your watch… does it flip open?
(frail elderly woman looks confused)
Girl: That, your watch.
Frail elderly woman: This is my life alert. If I fall, I can call for help.
Girl: Oh! Uh… well, it goes really well with your outfit.
Frail elderly woman: It doesn’t come it any other colors. Just beige.

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: misskitty

Posted on January 28, 2023
Accidents, Clothing, Colors, Compliments, Gadgets, Girls, Health and Hygiene, Lower East Side, Old People, Women

She Needs a Change After All the Big Black Men

Girl #1: What’s with all the little white men?
Girl #2: The Navy guys?
Girl #1: White, Jesus.
Girl #2: What?
Pause
Girl #1: In those little costumes… don’t you just want to jump them?

–34^th & Lexington

Overheard by: love them sailors

Posted on January 16, 2023
Colors, Friends, Horny, Murray Hill and Gramercy, Sex, Stupidity

Which Absorbs Heat, So It’s Hard to Stay Cool

Hipster #1: I still can’t tell the difference. What’s the difference between the cool kids and the black kids?
Hipster #2: Duh. Black kids are black.

–McCarren Pool Party, Brooklyn

Overheard by: bill

Posted on December 13, 2022
Brooklyn, Colors, Compare/Contrast, Default, Hipsters, Kids, Questions, Race

Anxiety I Like to Relieve by Peeing in Coffee Cups

Barista girl: Ohmigod, I love your shoes! I want them.
Register girl: Thanks.
Barista girl: I love them! Awww.
Register girl, embarrassed: Thanks, haha.
Barista girl: I love them, but I can never get them… Because I can’t wear black with brown.
Register girl, borderline offended: Why not?
Barista girl: It gives me anxiety, that’s why.

–Starbucks

Posted on August 14, 2022
Baristas, Colors, Compliments, Coworkers, Psychology, Shoes, Starbucks, Wishes & desires

Wednesday Wears the One‐Liners in This Family

Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!

–73^rd & Broadway

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.

–Columbia University

Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!

–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza

Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!

–Columbia University

Overheard by: bih.

Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!

–10^th & Ave B

Overheard by: Kayla K

Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Geologist

Posted on July 22, 2022
Body Parts, Clothing, Colors, Columbia (& Barnard), Columbia University, Compare/Contrast, Default, Family Ties, Girls, Menstruation, Midtown & Hell's Kitchen, Offers and requests, On Cell, Penn Station, Physical appearance, Public Transportation, Questions, Southerners, Street, Subway conductors, Subway stations, platforms, etc., Sweat, Thugs, Union Square and East Village, Wall Street, TriBeCa, South Street Seaport, Weirdness

Or, in Ice Cream Terminology, a “Swirl”

Woman in car: She’s not black. She’s albino.
Woman on street: What?
Woman in car: She’s half black, half white. That’s called “albino.”

–Hall St., Brooklyn

Posted on June 13, 2022
Brooklyn, Colors, Race, Weirdness, Women, Words

You Can Tell By His ‘I Really Heart New York’ Hat

Girl tourist #1: Oh my gosh, look at what that guy is wearing!
Girl tourist #2: Ew. Blue jacket, striped shirt, black pants, brown shoes with no socks. That’s terrible.
Girl tourist #1: Yeah, but, he can do that, right?
Girl tourist #2: Uh, no. Hello, nobody can get away with that.
Girl tourist #1: But, no, he can do that because he’s, like, really from New York.

–LaGuardia Airport

Posted on March 25, 2022
Colors, Fashion, LaGuardia Airport, NYC Geography, Stupidity, Tourists

Colors