5-year-old wasp boy, watching black Ferrari: Wow! (points)
Wasp father: You will never have one of those. That's a trashy car.

–Madison Ave & 70th

Overheard by: Alex and Allyson

Thug #1: I’m going to beat the shit out of you like the Incredible Hulk, except I’m going to turn purple instead of green.
Thug #2: No, you’re not. You’re going to turn pink because you’re a pussy!

–Bronx-bound D train

Overheard by: Maria Endrinal

Hobo #1: Man, god never did 'nuffin' for me. Look at me.
Hobo #2: Captain Kirk fucks purple bitches!

–9th St b/w Ave B & C

Overheard by: RR Dr. GZA

Girl #1: Did you see those two homeless men fighting by the subway?
Girl #2: I know! That was horrible!
Girl #1: Yeah. I was rooting for the guy in blue.
Girl #2: Really? I was going for the other one.


Asian teen #1: I know this kid whose skin is orange. It's 'cause he grew up in Chernobyl.
Asian teen #2: What's Chernobyl?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: knows what Chernobyl is, at least

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Girl: Do you think it's inappropriate to wear black to a funeral?
Guy: Um, no. Why would it be?
Girl: Well, its just so… depressing. It's so cliche!

–1 Train

Soulful black man: Well, think about this. A white man lived in Graceland, a black man lived in Neverland. (nods knowingly)

–Downtown A Train

Overheard by: Bearsian

Gallery director to intern: So after he was arrested we sent a letter to Henry Gates asking him for money, you know, since we are a multicultural organization.

–Lower East Side Art Gallery

Latina to Latino: Latinos and black people can't be racist. That's, like, just white people.

–Red Hook, Brooklyn

White hobo: When I see a black nigger together with a white nigger, that just confuses the hell outta me.

–Houston & Clinton

Woman: She likes black dogs because she's black, and I like white dogs because I'm white.

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: Yehuda

Girl #1: My shit is green.
Girl #2: That’s cuz you’re a vegan!
Girl #1: Bitch, I shit money!

–Central Park

Girl #1: It's really warm, and I really want to take these pants off.
Girl #2: That shirt's long enough to cover your butt, and you're wearing tights under it, right?
Girl #1: Yeah, but still. I'm not white.

–Stuyvesant High School