Guy #1: Have you been hitting the grass again?
Guy #2: Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be orange?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Jerry

Asian boy: Why are you wearing a belt over your shirt?
Asian girl: I don’t know. I like the way it looks.
Asian boy: Belts are supposed to hold your pants up. It can’t hold anything up if it’s over your shirt.
Asian girl: It’s fashion, okay?! My god!
Asian boy: … I hope your pants fall down!

–Stuyvesant High

Overheard by: she was wearing a skirt

PA system: Leia, please meet your party at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your party at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Beyond, 18th & 6th

Overheard by: Rebecca

Announcer over loudspeaker: The time is now one am o’clock!

–Baggage Claim, JFK

Overheard by: Kimmie

Loudspeaker announcement: Attention, all late night shoppers, this is a live announcement. I repeat, this is not a recording! Right now, in our deli department, fully‐cooked chickens! Come on over and get your chickens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morning!

–Pathmark, Cropsey Ave, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Stacy

Announcement over loudspeaker during class: Hello, I’m sorry for the interruption. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go outside, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loudspeaker: Good afternoon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag football” will meet in the cafeteria immediately following advisory.

–East Side Community High School

Guy #1: She’s so frazzled. You know she has ADD, right?
Guy #2: Who doesn’t?
Guy #1: Well, she’s on meds.
Guy #2: Yeah, but she takes the stuff I took when I was, like, 5.

–Sharaku, Stuyvesant Street

Overheard by: girlhattan 

Teen in sideways cap: I touched it, but I didn’t like it.

–Uptown A Train

Overheard by: Ladle

Student: Dude, I think I’m dyslexic with stairs.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen, seriously: No… Webkinz are definitely a lot more high‐maintenance then neopets.

–Downtown 6 Train

Teenage boy: I want to be a Senator or something like that. Like, the Government is the best place to have sex.

–Bard High School, Queens

Overheard by: Sunny

Punk teen to friends: Even though it seemed like she was into things, now she’s not into anything.

–Union Square

Overheard by: i don’t like stuff either

Young English teacher, showing class movie of Greek tragedy Agamemnon: Does anyone else think that Agamemnon kinda looks like the Burger King King?
Student: Well, there goes my grade.

–Stuyvesant High

Female teacher: What’s that word for men who draw the male anatomy?
Male student: Uh…“penis”?

–Stuyvesant High School

Fruit stand guy: Too much papaya! Too much marijuana! Too much cocaine!

–Dean & Court, Cobble Hill

Overheard by: Zach

Asian girl: You’re not following the diet plan! It’s either junk food or no food!

–Stuyvesant High School

Asian teen #1: I know this kid whose skin is orange. It’s ’cause he grew up in Chernobyl.
Asian teen #2: What’s Chernobyl?

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: knows what Chernobyl is, at least

Teacher: My father always told me, “Never run away from a fight. If the guy’s bigger than you, hit him. If he gets back up, hit him again. If he gets back up again, hit him with a garbage can. If he still gets back up, run like hell, ’cause this dude’s gonna kill you!”

–Stuyvesant High School

Teacher: Okay. Emergency procedures. If the fire bell rings, we run like hell.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Goober

Chinese teacher (referring to Sichuan earthquake): They had a saying after the earthquake happened that originates from a male part. “People are supposed to rise up, and get hard!” …and be strong.

–Bard High School Early College

Math teacher: Give me your little men!

–Spence School

English teacher: I could be charged with child abuse in some states for teaching grammar in 90‐degree weather. (student is silent) I’m not going to hit you.

–Brooklyn Tech

Overheard by: Julie