Girl #1: I am so wasted. I got molested by some Mexican at this sleepover party thing.
Girl #2: What?
Girl #1: Yeah, I woke up and everyone was fighting cause he touched my boobs. I think there’s some law saying that you can’t molest someone while they’re sleeping.
Girl #2: Actually, I think there’s a law saying you can’t molest someone, period.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: if walls had ears

Pompous guy: So, what do you guys do in non-honors chemistry?
Bored girl: Hit each other on the head. With rocks.

–Stuyvesant High

Teacher: Some of the answer choices people picked were really out there. I probably could've put peanut butter and jelly, and people would think, "Oh, damn, I'm hungry, I should pick that."

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Student

Teacher: Guys, no matter what happens, if you're absent on a test day you must bring in a note! I don't care if you're walking to school and suddenly the ground opens up and you're sucked into candyland–I need a note!

–LaGuardia High School

Overheard by: a note of chocolate?

Acoustics teacher: This only emphasizes how little I know about acoustics. Or rather, how little is known about acoustics.

–Cooper Union, Astor Place

Overheard by: a student is only as good as his t eacher

Teacher to little boy: You ain't gonna die just cause your leg got sprinkled on!

–L Train

Overheard by: Misshellee

Principal: I can see what you're doing…with this bouncing and the little hand on your hip…you're trying to undermine my authority with your bad posture, I can see exactly what you think of my administration.

–Bard High School Early College

Person: So how do you get girls, Mr Lynn?
Mr Lynn: I adopt them.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Excellence

Teen girl #1: You shouldn’t chew gum; it makes you stupider.
Teen girl #2: Oh yeah?
Teen girl #1: Yeah, I heard that somewhere.
Teen girl #2: Well, I heard somewhere that you’re an idiot. No, wait, that was right here.

–Stuyvesant High School, Chambers Street

Freshman girl: I really like this guy…but he's like 28.
Freshman boy: I'm pretty sure that's illegal.
Freshman girl: What do you mean?
Freshman boy: Like, really illegal. Even in Russia.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: Loverparty

Teen girl #1: Man… I really need some hair gel.
Teen girl #2: This morning, my mom told me I was too fat to go to prom.

–Bathroom, Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: thivnav

Girl to friend: So last night I hit myself in the eye with my broom while baking lasagna, drunk.

–Blarney Stone Pub

Suit on cell: Oh man, you should definitely ice and elevate that shit.

–AMC Lowes, 68th & Broadway

Overheard by: Jessica Segal

Man in wheelchair to woman pushing him: Remember when I hit that stroller head on and the kid passed out?

–33rd b/w 7th & 8th

Conductor on speaker: Please bring the first aid kit to car three, please bring the first aid kit to car three, a passenger has a bite.

–Train Leaving Penn Station

Teen to friend: And that’s how I got my penis stuck in a pencil sharpener.

–Stuyvesant High School

Teen guy #1: It's the middle of the night and your house is completely on fire. What do you do?
Teen guy #2: Uh… Sleep?

–Stuyvesant High School

Ditzy girl: Omigod, I just had deja vu. Except it was like for the third time, so it was deja vu of my deja vu.
Ditzy friend: That's really cool.
Ditzy girl: I know. It's like deja vu or something.

–Stuyvesant High School

Overheard by: WHAT?!