Tourist guy: Why do the buildings in New York have water tanks on the
roofs?
Cop guy: I don’t know…maybe they knock it over if the building
goes up in flames.
–Bowery & Delancey
20-something girl to friend: You can't be serious!
Friend: Tasteless clear liquid, I'm telling you what.
20-something girl: Hey, are you in jail? Are you on fire? Then shut the hell up!
–Lexington Ave
Overheard by: Victoria Lynne Blakeman
Female suit in bathroom stall: Well, are you gonna have those files? (pauses, makes bathroom noises) Okay, well, I need it today. Listen…okay…(pauses, more bathroom noises) Great! (pauses, toilet flushes) No, it's okay, go ahead. (pauses) Okay, no, I'm really sorry–I'm just entering the subway, that's what all that noise was. (storms out of the bathroom, doesn't wash her hands)
–34th St & 9th St
Flustered 50-something suit: It's burning! It's burning!
–Penn Station Bathroom
Man in stall: There should be a law against what's coming out of me.
–25th St & Park Ave
Overheard by: I agree
Suit in bathroom on cell: Honey, I can't talk to you right now. (pause) I'm in the bathroom! (pause) I've got a fucking dick in my hand! (pause) What do you mean whose dick?
–Restroom, Grand Central
Six-year-old kid, finishing at urinal: Shake the weasel!
–Men's Room, Regal Battery Park City Cinemas
Overheard by: Russ Wall
Guy in red community service jumpsuit: You know how they caught me for that? I went back to look at the fire. They said 85% of the people go back to watch.
Girl in same jumpsuit: That makes sense. Cuz I did that before too, but I didn't get caught for it.
–Mott & Bleecker
Overheard by: Bookgirl
British man: Has anyone burned down his house yet?
British woman: No, love, we don’t do that here.
–Houston & Lafayette
Overheard by: Jay
Woman: So, I left her this really erotic message right before her hotel room burnt down. I think that’s why we didn’t get the apartment.
–2 train
30-ish lady to friend: That boy lights himself on fire every time he’s welding something. I think he likes it. He’s some kind of weird pyro.
–17th & 5th, Park Slope
British chick on cell: He what? He keeps setting himself on fire?
–Urban Outfitters, 10th & 2nd
Overheard by: Salami
Queer on cell: So, Todd said, ‘Do you smell smoke?’ It was the gay mafia! They were trying to burn down the bar.
–14th & Ave B
Tipsy 20-something: Well, at least you didn’t get set on fire. That’s the important thing.
–1 train, 72nd St station
Overheard by: Pitr
Hobo: Anybody help me feed my stomach? No? I hope all you get home safe. And don’t burn your house down. And don’t smoke no crack.
–6 train
Overheard by: P. Von Kant
Hobo: I said I was hungry. Hungry. I can’t eat this bird-food shit! Why’d you give me this?
–9th St. & 2nd Ave
Hobo: Wanna see the real Zoo York? Bend over and I’ll show ya.
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: Dan Arcuri
Chick: Last night’s blind date was so boring.
Guy: Oh, yeah?
Chick: I was so bored I got drunk, but my hair caught on fire from the candle on the table.
Guy: Oh my god!
Chick: I didn’t know my hair was ablaze when he threw water on me, and I was like, ‘What the fuck are you doing?!’
–D train
A two year old Chinese girl decided to squat on a manhole cover.
Chinese Mom: What are you doing?! That will warm up your butt and it will burst into flames!
–66th & Columbus
Overheard by: Todd Seavey
Girl: Y’know Catalina who works upstairs? The one with the really big breasts? Whenever it’s a customer’s birthday, she pulls her shirt down, attaches matches to her nipples and lights the cake with them while singing, ‘Happy Birthday.’
Guy: Are her nipples made of wood or something?
Girl: I don’t know. All I know is when I turn around, they’re on fire!
–Uptown N, 23rd St
Overheard by: Jatmos
