Drunk girl: Now that I’ve peed, I don’t really feel hungry anymore.
–Spring & Lafayette
Drunk girl: Now that I’ve peed, I don’t really feel hungry anymore.
–Spring & Lafayette
Dude #1: Hey, keep a lookout, I gotta piss and I’m gonna go in the freezer.
Dude #2: Looks like I can’t buy frozen burritos here anymore.
–Pathmark, Staten Island
Mommy: Here you go, eat your muffin.
Little girl: Mommy, Mommy, I’m peeing my pants.
Mommy: First you fall out of your bed, now you are peeing your pants. I just don’t know what is wrong with you today!
–Bagel Shop, 97th & Broadway
Overheard by: abigail
Chick: Well, I didn’t know it was the men’s room.
Dude: What? The urinal didn’t tip you off?
–Ear Inn, Spring Street
Overheard by: Jim Meskauskas
Man #1: Are you in line for the bus?
Man #2: The bus? No, I’m in line for the bathroom.
Man #1: Well, I’m waiting for the bus.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 3rd
Overheard by: Michelle
Guy: I got both, bitch! I got a pussy and a dick!
–6th Avenue & 9th Street
Chick: He was my rag guy! What am I going to do now? I’m gonna dry up. If you stick your ear up to my vagina you’re going to hear the fucking desert like it’s a seashell.
–43rd & 5th
Overheard by: James Wilson
Burkha woman: …when you remove a man’s genitals, it’s a sin.
–Port Authority
Guy on cell: I’m busy. I’m getting my dick sucked right now.
–4 train
Overheard by: LatiE
Guy: It wasn’t till I started college that I realized they had botched the circumcision. We had all just flopped them out and I was like, “Dude, what is wrong with yours?”, and they were like, “No man, it’s you, what the fuck happened to you? It looks like the fucking rings of saturn.”
–38th & 3rd
Suit: If you’re a dick you can do anything.
–Maiden Lane & Pearl Street
Overheard by: SKG
Man on cell: So I was trying to take a pee and she kept talking to me, so then my dick got hard and I couldn’t pee.
–25th & 5th
Overheard by: Ian Wheeler-Nicholson
Lady on cell: He’s a hermaphrodite…he was born that way…his grandparents, thats why. Genetic mutations and stuff.
–50th & Madison
Chick: But he has a pierced dick! They don’t sell that shit in stores!
–SI party
Overheard by: Rebecca Dash
Girl: Mommy, why does it smell like pee?
Mother: Because it’s the Port Authority!
–Port Authority newsstand
Puerto Rican kid #1: You shut the fuck up, motherfucker!
Puerto Rican kid #2: Come say that to my face! I’ll brush yo’ teeth with my pee pee!
–Williamsburg
Overheard by: Yamin Reshamwala
A dog pees on a hipster’s leg.
Hipster: Dude! That is so not cool!
–McGolrick Park, Greenpoint
Overheard by: Didi Hylobates
Woman #1: …and I was crouching down with my 6 or 7 inches of my bare ass showing, it was so embarrassing, and he stayed there!
Woman #2: Maybe he was a pee fetishist!
Woman #1: But he was young!
Woman #2: Maybe you turned him into a pee fetishist!
–Noho office bathroom
